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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think France's plan to write to every 29 year old reminding them to breed is patronising nonsense??

189 replies

Designless · 07/02/2026 22:12

Nobody alive is forgetting to do this

A lot of people don't want to because in the modern era it's not necessary and a lot less fun than other stuff

Some people DO want to but can't in which case idk give them the missing tools or funds

But nobody is forgetting

Why does this whole topic seem to bamboozle policymakers so hard?

OP posts:
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5
JHound · 09/02/2026 09:48

Do you have a link to this?

JHound · 09/02/2026 09:49

Designless · 07/02/2026 22:16

https://www.thetimes.com/world/europe/article/french-government-letter-birth-rates-29-year-olds-zjkqmr6bc

Honestly I can only imagine this making a few people decide in the other direction

Thanks for the link.

God some people are stupid. Do they think those of us without children simply “forgot” to have them.

JHound · 09/02/2026 09:53

FastFood · 07/02/2026 22:19

It's to remind women that they can freeze their eggs for free, which is pretty new in France, and I guess raise awarness about the risks of infertility.

Egg freezing really is a waste of money though - the success rates are abysmally low.

Although offering it free to woman is better than them having to pay.

JHound · 09/02/2026 09:55

ColdAsAWitches · 07/02/2026 22:24

It's part of a National Infertility programme, part of which is free IVF and letting women know about this scheme's availability. But that isn't click-baity enough of a headline

I can’t read The Times but if it’s simply informing people of IVF services that’s fine.

JHound · 09/02/2026 10:36

Elsvieta · 08/02/2026 14:21

Were talking about a country where you can't disinherit your kids, and you can be made to financially support your parents. I think it can.

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Both those things are bonkers - and I am sure they still heavily restrict men’s ability to access DNA tests to establish paternity.

JHound · 09/02/2026 10:37

Slyolfox · 08/02/2026 15:11

If I was French I’d probably be shocked to find out in other countries you can disinherit your kids (I know someone who did in favour of their new wife they married really late in life) and you can just wash your hands of the people who raised you.

Of course there are some situations where a family member does something horrific and doesn’t deserve to be bothered with again

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I think people should be able to do as they wish with their money and time. Not everybody has the time or money to provide care to elderly parents (and not all parents deserve said care).

JHound · 09/02/2026 10:38

igelkott2026 · 08/02/2026 19:25

It does, just not among the "right" sort of people.

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The UK is not even at replacement. It does not have a high birth rate.

JHound · 09/02/2026 10:40

soupyspoon · 08/02/2026 15:22

Is there a French version of MN and if so do they clamor to go 'no contact' with their parents as much as this one?

There is nothing wrong with going no contact with parents. I had great (albeit imperfect) parents but I have friends who have truly awful mothers and fathers where continued contact just seems to destroy their mental health.

JHound · 09/02/2026 10:41

LameBorzoi · 08/02/2026 19:45

Birth rates among immigrants drop to national average within generation or so. Birth rates are dropping rapidly worldwide.

Currently, countries like the UK rely on plundering poorer countries for their working age, well educated, amd well off citizens. Like yet another resource to be mined.

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You are stripping people of their agency.

Bargepole45 · 09/02/2026 10:45

JHound · 09/02/2026 10:37

I think people should be able to do as they wish with their money and time. Not everybody has the time or money to provide care to elderly parents (and not all parents deserve said care).

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I find this perspective interesting. What do you think about paying extortionate taxes then?

Basically the way I see it is that society is still structured in a way where ultimately family takes the hit for their vulnerable dependents. It's an inbuilt assumption when it comes to our taxation models and future projections. If all of us can basically walk away from our elderly parents, disabled relatives or children then where does that leave us? Why should I sacrifice my money/time/energy when you don't have to? Can the state though afford to care for all our elderly relative or all of us when we get old without any family support at all? I don't think it can. Not in the way that most people would view as decent and humane.

BigGapMum · 09/02/2026 10:46

This would be really upsetting for those who want children but are unable to conceive.

JHound · 09/02/2026 10:50

jasflowers · 09/02/2026 06:14

He said it in a 2023 blog, he wants a "negative child benefit tax" it would affect men and women.

Having children would avoid the tax.

No doubt it will be ignored as "Historical, written when he was a young child"

This is what you vote for when you vote for extremes, like Reform.

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They always look at taxing because it’s easy.

Also people like that ignore that measures like that can actually encourage irresponsible breeding.

Bargepole45 · 09/02/2026 10:53

JHound · 09/02/2026 10:50

They always look at taxing because it’s easy.

Also people like that ignore that measures like that can actually encourage irresponsible breeding.

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But also it addresses the core issue which is that the current taxation model is built on a specific birth rate. This is what keeps the financial model sustainable. If the birth rate drops then taxes need to increase. Why should people that have had children have to share this tax burden equally? They already have all the childcare costs etc of raising children. They are being penalised twice.

JHound · 09/02/2026 10:53

bumblingbovine49 · 09/02/2026 07:06

Well maybe we need to change how.men and society treat women. They are are the sex that carries children for 9 months gives birth to them and are generally the ones primarily responsible for keeping children alive in their infancy ( and beyond). This makes them very vulnerable physically and economically. All of this while being treated appalling with little support or even respect for the role, from the government, other members of society or even in many cases from the fathers.

Yes of course having children is rewarding for many many women, but it is clear that in the context of a human society across the world that treats vulnerable members appalling that reward is obviously not enough for most women to offset the vulnerability, when they have a choice. You just have to look at the birth rates in countries across the globe when birth control becomes widely available

I don't know the answer but I strongly fear that women are in for a tough time as countries face steeply falling birth rates at a time whwn more and more authoritarian governments are coming to power. To be fair this has pretty much always been the case for women in the countries that never donned the veneer of equal rights for women

Equal rights for women only works in a pragmatic sense if we accept that making a choice to be a mother is more than an individual choice, it has broader consequences. It should therefore confer real societal advantage interms of real respect for the importance of the work along with economic support.

That means accepting that individual women who are more fertile may end up having economically better liveon and having more respect on aversge than if they are not . I know many will dislike that idea but I see no difference beteen being advantaged for being female and fertile or being white, male and born into money. Both are accidents of birth.

The alternative is trying to directly control women's fertility by force and coercion, which many govwenmwnts will prefer to try as simpler.

Writing to women to remind them of thier fertility window will be the the least of it,I am afraid

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This is an awful thing to suggest.

That women who are infertile or otherwise childless for a variety of reasons are less worthy and less deserving of respect than women lucky enough to have kids. Women without children already face stigma (especially is single) why do you suggest to make that worse.

JHound · 09/02/2026 10:55

Sskka · 09/02/2026 09:43

I genuinely don’t understand what you think has changed so much for falling birth rates not to be a problem?

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We need to change our economic model
to deal with the new normal.

JHound · 09/02/2026 11:01

Bargepole45 · 09/02/2026 10:45

I find this perspective interesting. What do you think about paying extortionate taxes then?

Basically the way I see it is that society is still structured in a way where ultimately family takes the hit for their vulnerable dependents. It's an inbuilt assumption when it comes to our taxation models and future projections. If all of us can basically walk away from our elderly parents, disabled relatives or children then where does that leave us? Why should I sacrifice my money/time/energy when you don't have to? Can the state though afford to care for all our elderly relative or all of us when we get old without any family support at all? I don't think it can. Not in the way that most people would view as decent and humane.

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I have no idea why tax is relevant to what I said.

The reality is we can all walk away from our parents and should be able to.
Not everybody has the money or time to support elderly parents and not all parents will deserve.

The reality is most people who can care for parents are doing so but it should be a personal decision not government imposed unless the government can somehow assist people in finding the time and money.

angelos02 · 09/02/2026 11:06

I don't think it is a problem. AI and Dignitas surely the way forward. I don't want to end up in a care home and/or unable to look after myself. Also, people having children is no guarantee of a workforce in the future, millions of perfectly able young people aren't working.

Bargepole45 · 09/02/2026 11:07

JHound · 09/02/2026 11:01

I have no idea why tax is relevant to what I said.

The reality is we can all walk away from our parents and should be able to.
Not everybody has the money or time to support elderly parents and not all parents will deserve.

The reality is most people who can care for parents are doing so but it should be a personal decision not government imposed unless the government can somehow assist people in finding the time and money.

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Because if people walk away from their elderly parents then who is going to care for them? Will we just leave them all enmasse in terrible situations or do you expect the state to step in? This costs money hence taxes will need to rise a lot.

JHound · 09/02/2026 11:28

Bargepole45 · 09/02/2026 11:07

Because if people walk away from their elderly parents then who is going to care for them? Will we just leave them all enmasse in terrible situations or do you expect the state to step in? This costs money hence taxes will need to rise a lot.

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The state has to step in. I thought that was easy enough to understand.

The same as it does now for those unable / unwilling to.

Or the state steps into provide money / time to people to enable those who are currently unable, to take care of their parents.

The point I was making is it’s a stupid thing for the state to force when not everybody is financially able to support their parents and people should not be forced to support terrible parents.

And we’ll have to plan state care anyway as increasingly people will have no children / not enough to financially support them.

Squirrel60 · 09/02/2026 11:31

Thank heavens I'm not in France, can't stand the place or anything to do with it.

Carla786 · 09/02/2026 11:55

Denim4ever · 08/02/2026 00:21

Erm, yes you can have kids at 42. That's your choice and fertility wise it can work and career and finances wise it definitely does.

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It IS harder to conceive then, though. And there are risks with egg freezing as to how healthy the baby will be.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-45095961.amp

Frozen embryos being removed from storage

Women 'need to know egg freezing risk'

The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists warns about low success rates and high costs.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-45095961.amp

Carla786 · 09/02/2026 11:56

angelos02 · 09/02/2026 11:06

I don't think it is a problem. AI and Dignitas surely the way forward. I don't want to end up in a care home and/or unable to look after myself. Also, people having children is no guarantee of a workforce in the future, millions of perfectly able young people aren't working.

millions of perfectly able young people aren't working.- well, that must change. Disgraceful.

Carla786 · 09/02/2026 12:01

lazybone1 · 08/02/2026 09:35

Im not sure what people don’t understand. Smaller populations are a good thing but smaller ageing ones not so much. Here in the UK for example the state pension & NHS model doesn’t work with the changing demographics & then you have the issue that a largely older base will vote for policies that benefit them so any reform becomes impossible.

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Exactly!