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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should weekend Dad still have our daughter if she has been sick?

62 replies

feliciamorrison · 07/02/2026 13:39

Our 5 year old has been poorly this week with tonsillitis, but now she has a belly full of antibiotics and calpol she’s turned a corner. Dad is due to have her on Saturdays as per our agreement, but has decided against it today as he doesn’t want his household to get sick.

The mum guilt in me is saying he’s right and she stood stay home with me, but I also feel like parenting isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and should be able to care for her even though she has been sick. He works on the road so has never been home when she’s had any serious illnesses and the care has always fallen on me, which as a result I have become poorly too.

Today I’ve had to cancel the plans I’d made as he is outright refusing to have her spend the night and I’m annoyed because I have spent the best part of a week with sleepless nights caring for our child and I think I deserve a bit of a break.

AIBU here?

OP posts:
Newmum288 · 07/02/2026 13:41

That’s pathetic of him. As long as you’re comfortable ‘sending’ her to be with dad (and she wouldn’t be unhappy/more unwell etc) then he absolutely should have her. It’s insane that he can just refuse on such selfish grounds. You don’t get the chance to do that! It is part of being a parent. He’s a d*ck. Sorry.

MumOryLane · 07/02/2026 13:41

Don't think he can even be called a weekend dad, if he isn't seeing her on the weekend

Coffeeishot · 07/02/2026 13:41

Oh no i pressed the wrong vote sorry, yanbu he is an arsehole i can't.believe he said no.

CountFucula · 07/02/2026 13:42

He’s her Dad and he’s behaving like she’s a guest in his home and his life. He’s so in the wrong it’s untrue.

sundaysurfing · 07/02/2026 13:42

Is tonsillitis even contagious?

Brewtiful · 07/02/2026 13:43

Well he's a brilliant parent isn't he. Hmm It's shit when they are poorly but it's a part of being a parent, you can't just take the fun parts. He sounds utterly useless.

Walkerzoo · 07/02/2026 13:44

What doe DD want to do?

Pancakeflipper · 07/02/2026 13:44

You can't catch tonsillitis can you ?
His household are not likely to get ill from your DD being there.

I'd be annoyed with him too.

Wakemeupinapril · 07/02/2026 13:44

Ime it's a conversation best held at the initial break up.... When I remarried I had dc. As did he. We agreed with his ex any poorly dc would stay in their main home. Or swapping germs risked 2 poorly households. Worked for us as we all agreed... I had a young baby and his ex had ill health.

PurpleCoo · 07/02/2026 13:46

I don't think one rule fits all here and will depend on circumstances.

What does his household consist of now? Has he got a new partner and a young baby that might be at increased risk of catching an illness? Is there another member of the household who is vulnerable health wise in some way?

Is he self employed and will risk losing income if he is ill, because he won't get sick pay?

How is your daughter feeling? Is she well.enougb to be ferried about, or is she better not being moved and traveling. Does he live close or far away?

All important factors for decision making.

Original poster
feliciamorrison · 07/02/2026 13:46

Walkerzoo · 07/02/2026 13:44

What doe DD want to do?

She said she wants to go for a sleepover! She didn’t see him last weekend as he was stuck away with work. His response is ‘I’ll have her all next weekend so you can have a break’

OP posts:
Lifestooshort71 · 07/02/2026 13:46

Where would your daughter prefer to be if she's unwell? Isn't that the important thing?

Pearlstillsinging · 07/02/2026 13:46

If I were the child, I would hate to have to leave home feeling poorly to go and stay with a Dad who obviously isn't that bothered about seeing me.
Both parents should put the child first

hotbathbookwineheaven · 07/02/2026 13:49

Why have you done another thread on this?

Hallywally · 07/02/2026 13:49

OP why have you started two threads about this?

HeadyLamarr · 07/02/2026 13:49

Does he have other children in the house? Is that why he wants her to stay away?

I don't think tonsillitis is contagious, though. Does he know that?

ACynicalDad · 07/02/2026 13:50

Can’t imagine why you’re no longer with him. He doesn’t get to choose.

Original poster
feliciamorrison · 07/02/2026 13:51

I’ve done two as I thought it would reach different audiences and I’d get a broader response from different groups of people. One being the parenting thread and the other being the AIBU one.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 07/02/2026 13:51

Tonsillitis is something you can catch - looked it up because DD has the same thing and I'm pregnant; there's a very low risk of miscarriage/premature labour if untreated.

I think he's being crap to say he doesn't want her there so no one gets ill - that's silly. If she didn't feel like moving that'd be different.

Poor baby; she's going to get the message that her dad doesn't want her around when she's ill, and that's a bit rubbish.

SarahAndQuack · 07/02/2026 13:52

(I must say if it were me I'd probably roll my eyes but also be glad, because down the line, it will be better for you and for her if he doesn't do half-hearted parenting of an ill child.)

Jellybunny56 · 07/02/2026 13:52

Who else makes up “his household”? If he lives with a young baby, elderly person or someone with a condition that would make them more vulnerable than the average I can sort of see his point.

If it’s just out of the inconvenience and he doesn’t fancy it then he’s an arse.

WinnerWinnerChickenDinnner · 07/02/2026 13:52

Isn't it better for the child to stay home when sick?

99pwithaflake · 07/02/2026 13:52

I wouldn't send a sick child on antibiotics away for the weekend, personally.

Original poster
feliciamorrison · 07/02/2026 13:53

Hallywally · 07/02/2026 13:49

OP why have you started two threads about this?

I’ve done two as I thought it would reach different audiences and I’d get a broader response from different groups of people. One being the parenting thread and the other being the AIBU one.

OP posts:
Original poster
feliciamorrison · 07/02/2026 13:54

Hallywally · 07/02/2026 13:49

OP why have you started two threads about this?

I’ve done two as I thought it would reach different audiences and I’d get a broader response from different groups of people. One being the parenting thread and the other being the AIBU one.

OP posts: