Should weekend Dad still have our daughter if she has been sick?

[feliciamorrison]

Our 5 year old has been poorly this week with tonsillitis, but now she has a belly full of antibiotics and calpol she’s turned a corner. Dad is due to have her on Saturdays as per our agreement, but has decided against it today as he doesn’t want his household to get sick.

The mum guilt in me is saying he’s right and she stood stay home with me, but I also feel like parenting isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and should be able to care for her even though she has been sick. He works on the road so has never been home when she’s had any serious illnesses and the care has always fallen on me, which as a result I have become poorly too.

Today I’ve had to cancel the plans I’d made as he is outright refusing to have her spend the night and I’m annoyed because I have spent the best part of a week with sleepless nights caring for our child and I think I deserve a bit of a break.

AIBU here?

He’s a shit dad that can’t be bothered to look after his ill child. Doesn’t really matter what his new household make up is you can’t pick and chose when you fancy being a parent.

He’s with his mum and dad who are both of fine health. I think it’s more due to the fact it’s an inconvenience. I have cancelled my plans anyway as I knew I’d be staying home, but I wanted to see if I had a valid reason for being disgruntled about it. I have also had to take time off work this week which isn’t a problem, but I just don’t ever see him doing the same.

Hmmmmm I wonder why he is your X?!

Sympathy. My ex-partner isn't quite as bad, but did expect me to do the boring/time-consuming job of sitting in the phone queue for a GP appointment on a day when she had DD (why, I'm not sure). I finally got through and booked the appointment, and she was gobsmacked I wasn't planning to take time off work and take DD to the GP myself.

He's not a parent. He's a glorified babysitter.
But, it shows you can't trust him to look after your chikd correctly when she is poorly, so she is better off with you.
In my situation daddy always takes them, but never checks their temp, doesn't give calpol or antibiotics properly, treats them like they aren't ill and ignores them during the night. The kids say they want to go, court order demands me to do it, kids come back in a worse state than they went and they regret going.

So I suppose although you are knackered, at least your daughter is on the mend and safe. But I agree, he should step up and parent.

He wants Disney time with her, it's too late for this weekend but you need to make your views clear to him, he parents regardless of illness.

I’m confused at how many people have said tonsillitis isn’t contagious.

it is!

You can catch it, but it's unlikely when the kids has been on antibiotics for a few days.

I say you deserve a break OP and Dad should be stepping up!

The child's needs should come first, then his, quite a bit down the list.

If she wants to go and will be ok there then yes, she should go.

I think the best place for her is in bed if she's poorly. I wouldn't send her.

Tonsillitis isn’t contagious. However, I would want my daughter to be where she’s the most comfortable. I would insist he adds in another day.

Is not

Well I can see why he's an ex! YANBU.

Splitting hairs, though.

Yes, properly, tonsillitis is an umbrella term for symptoms, but the underlying causes can be contagious.

It's tonsillitis, not exactly the bubonic plague. Dad's a bit of a twat. Sorry..
It's your daughter who misses out and that's not fair.

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP. Obviously, it would be different if she had come down with a stomach bug or similar - but out of interest, if that did happen and she came down with something while with her dad, would he be as keen to keep her with him to avoid spreading germs across both households?

Yabu. She's sick so she needs to stay at home and keep cosy. Unless she really wants to go to her dad's that is. Nothing would drag me out in a car if I was poorly.

i think you make sure he knows that if she’s sick on his time she will be staying at his and he can take time off work, as that seems to be how he wants to play this.

id also be saying ive done two weekends in a row so you can too. So he says he will take her next weekend so you can get a break, aye very good, lazy disney fucker, next weekend AND the one after

Tbh regardless of his reasons, I feel like your DD would be better at home where she's completely comfortable if she's not been very well. There's no point making her travel between homes when she's not well enough to really enjoy the time with her dad. His reasons are a bit silly, but there is logic to keeping her at home.

Exactly!! He’s clearly useless

He is a lazy twat. Your DD is unlikely to even be infectious after starting antibiotics. It sounds like it's just been a convenient excuse for him to get out of parenting.

What does your daughter want to do!!

She WANTED to go stay with her dad. I had to then deal with the breakdown because he’d said no.

I hate this response on posts like this. When my 2 year old is unwell (or well actually as he has a strong parental preference for me at the moment) he wants me. But I need to work and my DH has a more flexible job so he’s the one most likely to take time off work. When he’s sick yes I will get up through the night with him but at the next wake up my husband will. Would he prefer it to be me, yes he would but I am still a person who needs sleep and a break, he’s perfectly comfortable and safe with a more than capable parent. He has 2 parents and sometimes for reasons they can’t understand they might have to have the less preferred parent! Your comment is just another way to pile the guilt onto a mother.

Yes of course he’s parenting she’s not a guest she’s his child