Explain to me why you offence is caused by saying things like 'mildly autistic' etc.

[Purpleturtle45]

If ASD is a spectrum why do people commonly disagree that you can be mildly autistic or severely autistic etc.

My daughter is diagnosed with ASD, however you wouldn't really know unless you knew her well. She goes to mainstream school and copes well with everyday life most of the time so to me I would say she is mildly autistic but I often see people getting ripped to shreds on here for using that term.

Genuinely wondering how 'spectrum' can literally be in the title of the condition but people disagree there can be different severities.

Everyone who dismisses the need for language to describe the difference between autism of someone in need of 2:1 care 24/7 and someone who has a successful career, house and family.

No one on this thread is saying 'You're fine, you're high functioning', though - which would indeed be very frustrating, and if you've heard that a lot then I can understand why you're reactive now. But what people seem to be saying on this thread is, 'Some people are high functioning compared to others with autism', while acknowledging that everyone with autism struggles in their own way.

Absolute nonsense.

The difference between Aspergers and Classic autism is whether you have a learning disability or not. It's that simple. No one's arguing that you can't have a spiky profile or that you're absolutely fine if you have Aspergers.

It's has fuck all to do with whether someone might have a melt down in Tesco's car park, whether they might be suicidal or go into shutdown at some point in their life.

Lumping everyone in together under the ASD umbrella was a way to raise the bar and reduce access to assessment IMO. It did no favours to anyone.

DS is high functioning, there's no arguing with it - he's working as a software engineer and living pretty independently. He certainly has struggles but compared to someone with Classic autism they are completely different. He can talk, he doesn't try to run out the door naked and he's not smearing shit up the walls.

Yes. They were both cancers. But they were categorised differently under the 'cancer umbrella'.

In this case, it would be an 'autism umbrella', with different categorisations within that, I suppose.

In a situation like that, accepting and listening is exactly what I’d do. I work with a lot of kids with SENDs. Telling me they have autism (for example) doesn’t help me at all. Reading the EHPCs or IEPs detailing their needs , listening to their parents, getting to know the child is the only thing that will.

I’m talking ,for example , general threads on here about autism, like this one. Or threads asking for advice /support . If they just said “DC has autism what do you suggest ?” without any quantifiers or description of needs , it would be pretty pointless wouldn’t it?

Yes. They could. I'm not sure what your point is?

this x 1000
or being asked
"What special talents does he have?"

I think in the not so distant future we will go back to having different diagnoses - the different levels of severity don't (to me) make any sense and cause too much animosity.

But the majority actually just went into society and were always classed as the “weird one” at work or “the one who doesn’t go out and socialise”, “the
bore”, “the one with no friends”, “the one who is always single”

The only understanding of autism at that time was bloody Rain Man. If you weren’t autistic to that extent, which was considered severely disabled, everyone just thought you were a freak.

You had no chance of getting disability allowance or adjustments.

I am simply stating facts. Im confused why you are so angry with me. My experience was very different to that of your children because im
going back 30 years to a time when very little was known about autism and there was no understanding by society. You can take offence all you like, but I’m simply telling you how it was for me and others like me.

So you are saying autism should be like cancer with different names, different clinical classifications, different coding and stagings?

Absolutely, which is why if people are asking for advice, they should be able to say "DC has an autism diagnosis and struggles with XYZ but is okay with A and B, what would you suggest we try?"

You’ve chosen a poor example here; it doesn’t communicate what you think it does.

Firstly breast cancer and pancreatic cancer are two different diseases and therefore cannot be considered part of a spectrum. At least not in a meaningful way. In the same way saying your autism is worse than someone else’s depression, it doesn’t really make sense.

Importantly cancer IS categorised on a scale. Usually stage 1-4. All cancer is shit, everyone with a cancer diagnosis suffers in some way, even the most easily treated BUT It absolutely is possible to say that one persons cancer is worse than another’s. I’d much rather stage 1 than stage 4. They are objectively different.

As an aside if I could choose stage 1 breast cancer or stage 1 pancreatic cancer I’d choose the former, and I don’t think that would offend or invalidate any person with a breast cancer diagnosis. However, I’d much rather opt for the verucca, given the choice.

Indeed this resonates.

"The experience of non-speaking autistic people is rarely included in research and advocacy. Many autistic advocates insist that they are the experts on non-speaking autistic people, often espousing claims that don’t resonate with carers, teachers and family members."

I found the terms high and low functioning helpful although I am aware they are no longer supposed to be used. There is a woman at my gym and our sons were diagnosed with ASD around the same time (hers much younger though). Her son is in a special school and very clever but needs a lot of support, was very late out of nappies, lots of sensory issues. She is always recommending things to me like a speech therapist they have used. But my son has hardly stopped talking since he was a year old. He's at uni, drives, went to mainstream school, has a long term girlfriend, goes on flights on his own, did a summer internship abroad, very adventurous with food etc. But very literal and socially "off wavelength", huge struggles with friendships and authority figures (better now but he had to "learn" what was expected v his natural instincts).

If i was allowed to i would say he was mildly autistic to people like the nice lady from gym who seems to think he must live silently in his bedroom in the dark with just a laptop for company or rocking on a chair.

I definitely don't want to cause offence though.

But you are dictating that no person with autism suffers more than you do, no one can have more severe autism (or milder) than you in your world.

You see, I don't think that would be a bad thing.

Someone could say they have autism but their sub-diagnosis is Aspergers (for example).

No. You don't have the same struggles as someone who is severely autistic. Not at all. Frankly, that's a little offensive to people who do have severe autism, and their families who are likely caring for them.

Me feeling (for instance) intense anxiety, melting down with mild stress, being unable to cope with certain situations, or crashing after masking, is not at all the same as someone who is non verbal, at constant risk of self-harming, unable to toilet themselves, and needs a carer.

Yes, that would make sense. I obviously don't have an issue with classing it mild to profound, but if differing labels are used to describe different degrees/types of impact, I don't really care what they're called.

I would classify my OCD as mild, it does affect every part of my life and it dictates pretty much everything I do, however, as long as I have access to water and soap I am able to manage it without too much trouble. There are certain things I will never do (such as touch raw chicken) but that doesn't really affect my life too much. I have strategies to stop the intrusive thoughts getting to me. I classify it as mild because I can live a normal life with the adjustments I make, there are some people with OCD that cannot live a normal life even with these adjustments, therefore they have it more severely than me. Obviously my condition isn't mild compared to people who don't have OCD but it is mild compared to others with OCD.

I think the issue with the mild/profound labels is that they're too easy for other people to dismiss, whereas an actual name makes it a bit easier and people can't really argue against it as much, if that makes sense.

No, not exactly, of course. There are many more different types of cancers within the overall umbrella, after all, so the analogy breaks down at a certain point. I think I've made my position quite clear in my previous comments, though.

This.

Friends adult daughter. Almost 30 has 2:1 care, non verbal always, lashes out if even the most minor change to routine, needs help toileting, showering, with everything. Never had a friend, cannot look after herself, will never work or have a relationship etc. Life is massively and severely impacted all the time, every day, forever until she dies.

Nothing like the individuals in mainstream, friends, relationships, even children, working and doing self care for themselves and also able to advocate for their own needs and pretend they know what its like for those who cannot like above. Its a world of difference.

Thank you for this.
It describes my dd so well.
She is now 18, and got diagnosed at 16. Most of my family are puzzled at her diagnosis, and minimise her needs massively.
I know how much support she needs because I do a lot of it in the background!

You description is really helpful.

Autism varies hugely in severity, and I think it's really important that we have words to describe those differences. I wish the autistic people who are lucky enough to be able to advocate for themselves, and who can articulately express their concerns that calling their autism mild or high functioning minimises their struggles, would show that same concern for autistic people who do not have those privileges.
There are many autistic people who cannot speak and are completely reliant on others just to survive. Many who will never be able to work, make friends, or have romantic relationships. They will likely live in residential care as adults and be at a significant risk of abuse, without being able to tell anyone if it happens. Many have severe self injurious or injurious to others behaviour, are at risk of eloping and getting into serious danger, and cannot express when they feel unwell. They are incredibly vulnerable, and the lives of both they and their families are made very difficult by their needs and the lack of appropriate support available.

I am what I would call mildly autistic. I also spent several years working as a support worker for children with disabilities, many of whom were severely autistic. It would be incredibly selfish and ignorant of me to pretend my difficulties were anywhere near comparable to theirs. I can talk, look after myself, have friends, and have had romantic relationships. I was also able to work until other health issues stopped me. Even though I have my own struggles, I do not need, and should not get, anything like the support that severely autistic people need.
It is absolutely fine to describe someone like me as mildly autistic. It would also be fine to bring back Asperger’s as a diagnosis. I do not think it necessarily matters which terms we use, but we do need some way to explain the differences.
Recent research has actually found 4 different subtypes of autism. www.princeton.edu/news/2025/07/09/major-autism-study-uncovers-biologically-distinct-subtypes-paving-way-precision
Autism organisations and groups often seem to be dominated by highly articulate people who are sometimes very cruel to parents of severely autistic children when they try to describe their child’s needs. These advocates often jump on parents for not using the current approved language, or insist that they are just as disadvantaged as someone non verbal who needs 24 hour care. I have seen people claim that it is actually harder to be less severely affected because they mask their condition so well that noone understands it, or that those with severe autism have it easier because they do not understand that they are different. I think it's a dreadful way to behave. I know that the idea of checking your privilege got overused, but I do really think it applies with this.

Yes, fair enough! That absolutely makes sense! (Honestly, I never understood why they got rid of Asperger's.)