Is it rude to sell things that you’ve been given? In this scenario

[Dolly10113]

We gave a close relative (Jo) a load of baby stuff. I mean loads. Enough clothes for 0-3, a baby bath, a baby carrier, toys, rocking chair. It was all hardly used and some of it brand new.

Now recently dh and I have realised that over the years we have been too generous to people with a lot of things, doing favours, giving people things, we’ve ended up being taken advantage of, so have decided to start putting ourselves first more. This might be clouding my judgement.

Anyway, we found out via another relative that Jo had been selling on all the baby things as they were in her words ‘too good to give away’.

Aibu to think that this is a bit off? If the things were too good to give away then shouldn’t she have offered them back to us?

Or is it a case of once you give someone something they should do whatever they like?

I think it’s a bit cheeky of her, if she’s not using it then I personally think it should have been offered to you - or given away for free to someone who needed it.

If you gave them away it's no longer up to you what happens to them unless you specify at the time.

Unless you specifically said you wanted them back (for another child for example and you were just lending them to her) then I think it's fine. Most people sell on their baby items once outgrown. It was your choice to pass them on for free.

What she did was rude. If she couldn't use them it would have been in the spirit of things to tell you that or to pass the goodwill on to someone who could use the clothes.

You are obviously a kinder and more generous person than her. I'm sorry she's abused your good nature.

Are you planning more children? If not, once you have given them to someone they are free to do whatever they like with them.

This exact thing happened to me except it was a stranger. Gave a HUGE amount of baby stuff away to a local woman via Facebook. Some of it was never used. I was too tired with a newborn to sell it. She turned round and tried to sell the new stuff on the same Facebook page! It’s absolutely shocking. If somebody gave me stuff, while yes it’s technically now mine to do with as I please, I would first ask the original person if I wanted it back and if not I would pass it on for free!

@Cornonthecob17 there was a woman on our local facebook group who was selling things that she'd got hold of through 'free to collector' ads on the same group. A lot of those giving stuff away had done it on a 'if anyone is struggling at the moment and needs a fridge/bed' basis. On a couple of occasions she'd even asked the person giving the thing away to drop it at her house as she said she didn't have a car - they'd helped her out. She got a very bad rap locally.

Hmmm. I can understand how much this irritates you, 100%.I think at the least she should offer you half of the funds raised. But technically if something is given as a gift then it noi longer has anything to do with you and she can do what she likes. But it bites and does not seem quite morally right, I know.

I'd think differently about her though.

Technically it's her stuff but i think it's a scumbag move.

I got so much free stuff from my friends; bath bath, monitor, pump, chair, lots and lots of clothes. As we no longer needed things I packed them up and gifted them forward again. Anything that wore out, I replaced and gave it forward. Things which I bought I gave it forward. After receiving so much it wouldn't occur to me to not gift on.

The only way I would justify this; she sold all of her own stuff too and basically hasn't kept track of where she got stuff (which is easily done imo).

yeah 'scumbag move'.

That's what i meant- said more succinctly.

If you don't want it, don't accept it.

Unless people really are forcing it on you, then it's probably less pain to accept it and move it on later - but I would give it at least 6 months.

That’s exactly it. I know that technically she can do what she likes, but it didn’t sit right with me.

I feel that she should have gifted it on or offered stuff back.

What added insult was that Jo didn’t tell us but Jos mum told us that Jo was selling all the stuff and had made loads of money as it was such good stuff.

I always sell on baby clothes and honestly couldn't remember if things were gifted/hand me downs or bought brand new!

So it's okay to sell on stuff people have bought for you from a shop but not second hand things that they once owned? Not being difficult but where is the line?!

I think Yabu. I have just not too long ago given an expensive baby item away +500. If I wanted to sell it I would have. If I have given it away then that’s where it ends for me. She chose to sell it, I guess she can do whatever she wants with it

Fair point, I suppose the things someone has gifted they could have sold on themselves but chose to give it to you.

You gave it away presumably because you didn't want it any more. Had you wanted to sell it, you could have done. Presumably you couldn't be arsed, and giving it to someone else was easier than selling it or taking it down the charity shop or the tip.

It's not your stuff any more, it's Jo's. Presumably you also gave it to Jo to help her out. It's still helping her out, now she's selling it. She's getting money that presumably she could do with.

Edit: Fucking hell I loved my "presumably"s in that post!

Lesson learned, don’t give expensive items away freely or lend them instead.
She should have asked if you wanted them back.

I definitely gave it with a good heart rather than to offload it.

Like I say dh and I have been taken advantage of over lots of things but we are wise to it now.

I think that's rude of her in that scenario and I wouldn't be giving her anything again.

I've sold stuff passed on to me by relatives and have offered them the money or have bought drinks etc when we've been out together.

Hmm it's a bit off to sell it all but would you really want it back? I'm not convinced passing stuff on is always completely selfless, people love to get stuff out of their house! Selling takes a degree of effort which not everyone wants to put in. I'd rather just give it to charity and be done with it. I'm careful what I pass on as it can just clutter up other people's houses.

It's lowlife behaviour, frankly. You don't accept things for free and then sell them, unless the giver says that's ok.

If you'd said 'we'll have anything you don't want back again afterwards' then? I'd understand why you were cross, but you didn't.

I presume they thought that you don't want any of it any more and that's why you gave it all away.

She did what you couldn’t be bothered to do. If you’d needed the money, you would have sold them yourself. If you give things away, the recipient can do what they like with them.

I’ve given away heaps of stuff. Whether people use it, or sell it to buy things they need, that’s up to them.

Yeah I know what you’re saying, we do sell things though and Genuinley gave her the stuff in good faith not just to get it out of the house.

I even washed and sorted it into ages.

Do all the gifts you give come with strings attached?