Is it rude to sell things that you’ve been given? In this scenario

[Dolly10113]

We gave a close relative (Jo) a load of baby stuff. I mean loads. Enough clothes for 0-3, a baby bath, a baby carrier, toys, rocking chair. It was all hardly used and some of it brand new.

Now recently dh and I have realised that over the years we have been too generous to people with a lot of things, doing favours, giving people things, we’ve ended up being taken advantage of, so have decided to start putting ourselves first more. This might be clouding my judgement.

Anyway, we found out via another relative that Jo had been selling on all the baby things as they were in her words ‘too good to give away’.

Aibu to think that this is a bit off? If the things were too good to give away then shouldn’t she have offered them back to us?

Or is it a case of once you give someone something they should do whatever they like?

I don't see how it's rude TBH.

It's normal to sell or donate baby stuff if it's good quality - it's good for the environment; it's good to do it because it's expensive stuff. I don't see any moral imperative for someone to donate if they've got the time and energy to bother with selling things. In all honesty, I would think most of us donate stuff because we can't face the hassle of organising selling, and that's fine.

I would understand if you'd said to her 'we're lending this and if any of it is still good afterwards we'd love it if you'd give it back/pass it on to cousin Julie if she wants it/whatever'.

But I don't think you can specify after the fact. She's being sensible about good quality items and wanting to get the value out of them.

@Dolly10113 it was rude of her to sell the stuff. We had this with some expensive outgrown riding clothes. I gave them away to somebody whom I asked first and who told me their DD would like them and definately use them. Few days later being advertised on Facebook. Now I put anything and everything in the overseas charity boxes and the freeloaders can buy their own stuff!

I don’t know OP, I am probably in the minority here but if you have them to her, it’s hers now and she can do what she likes with it. I had a relative who had a baby - as I had one a few months before hers. I bought loads for her baby and packaged some of the bits from my little one. Most were bought by me but I am sure some bits were from others. My baby wore some bits and not others as she grew too fast. I expect nothing for the new mum. She did send a thank you text when the box arrived (and I told her not to worry about posting a thank you card) but it was up to her to her to decide what she wanted..if she sold the whole lot.. wouldn’t bother me - hopefully she bought something much nicer and more to her liking for the baby. Or used the money for something that brought her joy/eased her burden (whatever that is)

You’ll always get this nonsense, op.
The old “So what if the homeless person spent the money you gave him for food on booze? It was HIS money, none of your business” schtick.
Of course she should have offered them back to you when she’d finished with them. It’s bloody rude.

I think it depends.. did she use them then sell them? In whichcase its fine, once you gifted them they were hers. And my experience would be if i am done with my things I sort them into, sell, donate or bin. If id used it, id have considered it mine and treated it like the rest and wouldnt think twice about selling it.

And you could have offered to loan them opposed to gifting them.

However I think if she never intended to use them she should have said no thank you when you offered them. Taking them to sell them is awful

It's rude to take baby stuff if you don't want it, in order to sell it on . It would be easy enough for her to say... Thanks for the offer but I have everything I need, don't have room for any more, please offer to someone else who can use it.

Depends on how the offer is made though. Are you pressing stuff on her without a conversation? Are you asking her what she needs or can use out of the stuff you have?

In any event, I'd stop giving her things and either send items to a charity shop or sell it yourself.

I would never do this -sell on. Does she have young kids, why didn’t she use them? I think it’s so cheeky and dont fall into that thought of once given it’s up to you what you do with items. Nope it’s CF

Award to this poster for using presumably times..😂

I imagine she meant too good to give away to strangers. Which isn’t what you had done. If someone gave me stuff, especially second hand it would beer cross my mind that they would then want it back 3rd hand, especially if it was someone who didn’t plan to have any more dc. If you’d wanted it back, like Ho’s mum, you should have stated so but no idea what you would do with it ?!

I’ve given things away a lot over the years. When we had DD1, we lived in a small house and knew we won’t be trying for another sooner so as soon as she grows out of anything, I give them out and would never expect anything back. When DD2 was born 6 years later, we thought we were done with kids and gave everything away as well. We could sell it but I don’t expect I’ll get much money on second hand things enough for it to be worth the joy I get from helping someone else so I rather gave them away. They can sell on or pass it on, no big deal. Now we have DS, he’s definitely our last and I’ve given anything he no longer needs away as well. I go to church and there’s always someone in need so I’ll rather give them away. If they’re done with them or don’t need them, if they would rather sell on then all fine as well.
It would be weird if after giving stuffs away, someone uses them and they’re asking if I want them back, like why would I.

If you wanted them back then you should have said when you were giving them away that it’s a loan and not a gift. And if there are things you would rather sell then just do rather than ‘give’ them away.

For me I think when someone does you a favour like giving you useful baby items then a good person will want to pay it forward and pass on anything useable themselves. I think it's really two faced to receive things graciously when you know that you are going to just sell them, I'd remember that and would consider the person less trustworthy.

I can see why it feels a bit cheeky but if given to her then it’s up to her what she does with it. Chances are if she gave it away, the next person would sell it on if the bits were so good so I’d prefer that someone I know benefit from it than a stranger. I wouldn’t expect something back that I gave away.

When I had a baby people generously gave us loads of stuff, and when we were done with it I gave it to charity shops or someone else who was in need. I couldn’t be arsed to sell it, but don’t really see how it would be any different to you personally since you had already given it away. I also think a lot of people give baby stuff away to declutter and the resale value is generally low so overall I think this is not worth worrying about. She probably considers gifted items hers to do with as she pleases.

Jo is an absolute mingebag.

Give her a bag full of tat when you see her next 😂