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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sending child to school FT when I don’t need to

66 replies

Isthateveryonethen · 05/02/2026 14:31

Hi,

I have a 3yo who is currently in school every day for 4 hours. The school is very close but in a very busy area, so it feels like between the drop off and pickup there isn’t much time.
She has now been given a FT spot and I’m not sure about taking it up. The hours would be 9-4pm

Im a Sahm and I feel really bad to send her for a full day. She is extremely bored and fussy and constantly whining when she is at home. The playground, extra classes or activities are also out of the question because I have older children that need to be picked up from school. She’s so bored at home, and all she does is accompany me on the school run for the afternoons.
She is in a Prep school where they are quite engaged, lots of lovely activities and school offers extra activities as well.

I am struggling to keep her occupied at home, she is bored and I feel as compared to the other kids who are doing lots of activities that she’s missing out. However I’m a sahm and I should have her at home?
Also, quite selfishly it’s been a long 12 years of having kids at home and I am just looking forward to getting my life back on track - studying, focusing on my health and just not having to rush around the kids.

Im not guaranteed a place will come up again soon, so I need to decide soon. What would you do?

OP posts:
ReturnOfTheToad · 05/02/2026 14:34

It sounds like you feel she would be best going full time? If it doesn't work out and she doesn't like it/it doesn't suit her can you revert back to part time hours?

toomuchfaff · 05/02/2026 14:35

I feel really bad to send her for a full day.

Why? You go on to give lots of good reasons she would probably love to be in school...

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 05/02/2026 14:42

How close to turning 4 is she? I think I’d feel guilty but also you know her best. She already does 4 hours a day, 9-4 5 days a week sounds a lot for a 3 year old but I guess it depends… is she starting full time school in September anyway?

Say she does 9-1 rather than her being fussy and bored could you maybe do some home activities with her? Or park on the way to getting other kids from school. Even if just for 20 mins

dampmuddyandcold · 05/02/2026 14:45

Isn’t she able to maybe do say three days of 9-4? That gives you the time but also allows you to do some things together.

acquiescence · 05/02/2026 14:45

You don’t have any time between school drop off and pick up to go to the playground or do any activities so you have to stay at home all day, and school is close by? Surely you have around 5 hours which is ample to do a class or trip out with your child.

noidea69 · 05/02/2026 14:48

Surely in between dropping off older kids in the morning and picking them up in the afternoon you have time to do some activities with her?

She is definitely at an age where she will bored in house all day.

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 05/02/2026 14:49

If she is bored at home you must have a chunk of time with her at home for her to be bored. Can you do chores etc when she’s at school for the 4 hours a day and when she’s home make an effort to take her to the park, play with her etc?

bebefin · 05/02/2026 14:52

I was never a SAHM but all kids in my area go to nursery school starting September term after they turn 3. My middle is Aug born and was doing 9-3.30 like his big brother just after turning 3. It’s just the norm round here, all schools have a nursery class.

Crunchymum · 05/02/2026 14:52

This isn't school?

This is pre-school surely?

When will DC start reception? (Or turn 4)

sittingonabeach · 05/02/2026 14:53

If she enjoys it can’t see the problem. Assume you will have long holidays together

JLou08 · 05/02/2026 14:54

I'd keep mine at home but I enjoy doing things with them. If you don't and your child is bored then I think they're better off going full time.

Original poster
Isthateveryonethen · 05/02/2026 14:54

I can’t reduce the hours as the school wouldn’t allow it so I has to be a full day. She also naps so it’s home for lunch, nap and then when she’s up with lots of energy it’s time to get the other kids. So she isn’t really getting anything out of the afternoons. She does love being with me though. She’s also extremely clingy. There’s times I have had to use a babysitter and she was fine and would happily play, yet when I’m around she doesn’t want to do anything.

A friend has recently made some comments about me sending her for a full day when I’m at home, so that’s made me feel bad.

OP posts:
RedSpottyMushrooms · 05/02/2026 14:54

There's nothing wrong with her going to pre school full time, but I don't really understand why you can't take her to the park in the afternoons.

Devilsmommy · 05/02/2026 14:56

I would take the place and enjoy the free time😅 at this age they do get bored so easily and if you don't have money to be travelling round going to different things it's hard. It sounds like she enjoys it there so I'd let her go and be completely guilty free about it

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/02/2026 14:57

Agree with others saying its basically pre-school - it won’t be far different to being in the pre-school room of a nursery as so many kids are, or in a pre-school attached to any state school (I see you make the point this is a “prep”).

It’s close to being the norm for kids these days, and I believe other countries who send their kids to actual school later have fairly universal pre-school at this age.

Does she like being there?

If she does, I don’t see the issue.

Seems like the alternative is to give her some full days off, as then you could do other things together? Sounds like it’s the four hour days within the other children’s school days that are the issue.

Original poster
Isthateveryonethen · 05/02/2026 14:57

JLou08 · 05/02/2026 14:54

I'd keep mine at home but I enjoy doing things with them. If you don't and your child is bored then I think they're better off going full time.

I do enjoy doing things with her and we do a lot, it’s just that it’s so full on. She is extremely clingy and just won’t do anything for a few minutes. Half her class are also on half a day and they get together at various classes in the afternoons. The few times that I have been able to take her, she just loved it so much.
I feel bad that all her afternoons are just doing the school run.

OP posts:
Skybluepinky · 05/02/2026 14:57

Sounds like you don’t feel you are able to meet your child’s needs in which case sending them somewhere that can sounds like the best plan.

Occasionaluser · 05/02/2026 14:58

I remember this tricky time as a SAHM many years ago now trying to drag the preschooler on school run , mine are now teens . You say she wants to be with you , I would keep her with me , I know you are on the school run but you can talk , play eye spy that kind of thing , listen to audio books if you are driving ?

titchy · 05/02/2026 14:58

If she still naps after lunch it doesn’t seem like she’s ready for a full day. Unless they nap in the class?

Original poster
Isthateveryonethen · 05/02/2026 15:00

RedSpottyMushrooms · 05/02/2026 14:54

There's nothing wrong with her going to pre school full time, but I don't really understand why you can't take her to the park in the afternoons.

It’s a bit tricky to explain but after her lunch and nap, there’s very little time and we have to drive to get the older kids. Sometimes they need to be picked up from different places as well, so that’s her afternoon revolving around the older kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Isthateveryonethen · 05/02/2026 15:00

titchy · 05/02/2026 14:58

If she still naps after lunch it doesn’t seem like she’s ready for a full day. Unless they nap in the class?

Yes they do nap at school.

OP posts:
Ohthatsabitshit · 05/02/2026 15:02

So she’s at nursery in the morning and naps in the afternoon? Surely that a fair amount of time for you to do your own stuff? Why can’t you do anything with her when she’s awake and home? How is she going to cope at nursery in the afternoons if she still needs such a long nap?

it’s fine to want to send her just because you want to but the”reasons” you give sound illogical.

Original poster
Isthateveryonethen · 05/02/2026 15:05

Ohthatsabitshit · 05/02/2026 15:02

So she’s at nursery in the morning and naps in the afternoon? Surely that a fair amount of time for you to do your own stuff? Why can’t you do anything with her when she’s awake and home? How is she going to cope at nursery in the afternoons if she still needs such a long nap?

it’s fine to want to send her just because you want to but the”reasons” you give sound illogical.

She gets home just before 1pm for lunch, naps from 1:30- 2:15 and then we play for a bit before school pickup at 3:30. There really isn’t much time. I’m in London - busy part so the school run takes a while.

OP posts:
Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 05/02/2026 15:07

Isthateveryonethen · 05/02/2026 14:54

I can’t reduce the hours as the school wouldn’t allow it so I has to be a full day. She also naps so it’s home for lunch, nap and then when she’s up with lots of energy it’s time to get the other kids. So she isn’t really getting anything out of the afternoons. She does love being with me though. She’s also extremely clingy. There’s times I have had to use a babysitter and she was fine and would happily play, yet when I’m around she doesn’t want to do anything.

A friend has recently made some comments about me sending her for a full day when I’m at home, so that’s made me feel bad.

I’d stick to 4 hours a day and would turn down the 9-4pm personally.

Is she early side of 3 or nearly 4? Maybe she is clingy as she’s already in nursery every morning for 4 hours and wants mummy when she’s home. Can you think about dropping the nap? That would leave you with more time to have fun.

QuickPeachPoet · 05/02/2026 15:11

Ignore your friend
Send her. Study. Reclaim your identity and get back to work.
A bored under stimulated child cooped up with a bored under stimulated adult? Sound like a nightmare. Nursery sounds great.
Good luck!