Sending child to school FT when I don’t need to

[Isthateveryonethen]

Hi,

I have a 3yo who is currently in school every day for 4 hours. The school is very close but in a very busy area, so it feels like between the drop off and pickup there isn’t much time.
She has now been given a FT spot and I’m not sure about taking it up. The hours would be 9-4pm

Im a Sahm and I feel really bad to send her for a full day. She is extremely bored and fussy and constantly whining when she is at home. The playground, extra classes or activities are also out of the question because I have older children that need to be picked up from school. She’s so bored at home, and all she does is accompany me on the school run for the afternoons.
She is in a Prep school where they are quite engaged, lots of lovely activities and school offers extra activities as well.

I am struggling to keep her occupied at home, she is bored and I feel as compared to the other kids who are doing lots of activities that she’s missing out. However I’m a sahm and I should have her at home?
Also, quite selfishly it’s been a long 12 years of having kids at home and I am just looking forward to getting my life back on track - studying, focusing on my health and just not having to rush around the kids.

Im not guaranteed a place will come up again soon, so I need to decide soon. What would you do?

I think private/prep schools work differently. it’s full time or not. I can’t pick and choose days. A mix would be better, I will discuss with them if I can shorten a day though

My dd is in a London prep and they allow us to pick and choose afternoons (all 3 year olds have to attend 5 mornings). My dd started nursery doing 5 mornings and has gradually added afternoons so now she does 3 mornings and 2 full days (8.30-3.30pm). That works for us, she does gymnastics and swimming classes on 2 afternoons so she is busy. I think picking up some full days is important as they head towards reception otherwise it will be a shock to do 5 full days. I don't think you should feel bad using full days as a sahm, it's for the child's benefit and it allows more play time with their friends. But just 2 or 3 full days would be better to start with as it sounds like she needs to nap.

I would have felt very guilty sending my daughter to school/nursery if she didn’t need to. I managed to be a stay at home mum when she was young and treasured the time we had together. I never found it necessary to take her out every day and we spent countless hours on the floor playing with her toys, reading, colouring, and making hideous jewellery out of pasta tubes. They were some of the most magical times I can ever remember, and my daughter really thrived having my attention every day.

It very much depends on the child.

I work two days a week so quite minimal and I could do this with DD. I generally do go to a group or activity like swimming or whatever, but today is a case in point, her swimming lesson was cancelled so apart from a visit to the tip (!) we’ve just chilled at home and she’s fine.

If I’d tried to do that with DS (now 5) he’d have been quite literally climbing the walls by 10 am (he also woke at 5 - very grateful DD hasn’t done that!)

And most children do attend some form of preschool or nursery prior to starting school. I’m not sure I agree they are ‘fine’ there five days a week 8-6 but certainly two or three days a week is fairly standard.

Why are you a SAHM if you're not enjoying being a SAHM? Why don't you get a job?

This.

I think for me it would depend whether she’s starting cru school this September or next.

why not do the full days but not all 5 days? So you get a “full” day to do your own stuff on some days but then other days a longer time to spend with her in which you can get out to classes etc.

I wasn't a SAHM but our twins were in nursery 3 or 4 days/week, 8.30-6pm from 12 months to school age. They were fine and enjoyed the stimulation and it meant they were not as scared when it came to reception. I'd just do it, you don't have to justify it if she's not being stimulated at home... It's pretty full on keeping them busy all the time.

Afternoons don't have to just be school run? On the way home, quick pop to the park, swim, soft play? Unless of course you need to back home for other DC. Xx

As a teacher and parent I was told 'parents have the utmost power'.

So yes, you can negotiate the times at pre school as it's not mandatory, at this age we had DC in nursery, paid for.

If you've been a sahm for these 12 years then you've not experienced the juggling of work commitments and DC so full focus on DC?

Not that you should have to, but this can lead to overthinking which is often more more to do with how we perceive it rather than the child. I look back at feeling so worried about certain situations for them and they didn't even notice or have any memory of it!

You just have to see how it goes, the school will let you know if it's not working. Step back, don't helicopter.

Have you considered getting a pt job, the distraction, focus on something else. Xxx

You could make a bit of an effort to entertain her if your a SAHM ! Surely that’s the whole
point of being a SAHM parent?

I wouldn’t send my child into school FT if I didn’t work as I would feel massively guilty, it was hard enough putting her in on days I was working.

That being said, if you CBA with it, you may aswel send her to school we’re other people can entertain her and you can rest:go the gym/coffee etc at your leisure.

You feel guilty yet you don’t seem
to be doing anything to alleviate her boredom when she’s with you - either do something
positive with her or send her to school full time but stop making excuses! By the way, If you worked you’d soon get used to doing an amazing amount of things of all descriptions in an incredibly short time!

Sounds like you have lots of excuses lined up for doing nothing with her at home, so you may as well send her to school.

I would not send a three year old to full time school every day of the week if I had the choice not to.
Talk to the school about her doing a full day for three days and having two full days with you.

Agree with this. However it is a two way situation. If your dd would benefit and enjoy it don’t let your misplaced guilt as to what you “should” do as a sahm prevent it. Maybe you can use the time productively for yourself if she goes ft or with activities you could share if she stays pt. Presumably she would be ft at 4 anyway, when is that?