Sending child to school FT when I don’t need to

[Isthateveryonethen]

Hi,

I have a 3yo who is currently in school every day for 4 hours. The school is very close but in a very busy area, so it feels like between the drop off and pickup there isn’t much time.
She has now been given a FT spot and I’m not sure about taking it up. The hours would be 9-4pm

Im a Sahm and I feel really bad to send her for a full day. She is extremely bored and fussy and constantly whining when she is at home. The playground, extra classes or activities are also out of the question because I have older children that need to be picked up from school. She’s so bored at home, and all she does is accompany me on the school run for the afternoons.
She is in a Prep school where they are quite engaged, lots of lovely activities and school offers extra activities as well.

I am struggling to keep her occupied at home, she is bored and I feel as compared to the other kids who are doing lots of activities that she’s missing out. However I’m a sahm and I should have her at home?
Also, quite selfishly it’s been a long 12 years of having kids at home and I am just looking forward to getting my life back on track - studying, focusing on my health and just not having to rush around the kids.

Im not guaranteed a place will come up again soon, so I need to decide soon. What would you do?

Just came on to say I get it OP.
We live rurally and anywhere decent to take a toddler is at least a 20 minute drive away. With naps involved it can be tricky timing and the school run looms sooner than you realise. I have no idea where the time goes on my days off when my DD is at school.

How would the 4pm finish fit with your other school pickups? If it doesn't just exchange one set of problems for another, I'd do it.

Do they allow MWF enrollment? That worked really well for us. Full day at school and then a full day at home gave us real time together.

Four used to be the age most kids started school where I lived . Even to the point that you went actually on your 4th birthday or day after . It was Reception but more like playschool. If nap is included then go for it . And your friend is just jealous ! There are plenty of breaks and terms aren't that long either. She will have the best of both worlds .

Send her for the whole day but reduce the amount of days.

I think you need to re-phrase this. You will no longer be a sahm, but you will be a student. It sounds like you are done being a sahm, it's not a failure, just a new stage of life.

I'd do it and see how it goes.

If she's getting bored at home or is just strapped into a car seat for an hour - while you're doing pick-ups/mums taxi - then she's probably going to enjoy playing at school far more.

I’d absolutely send her.

This, too^

You can't do everything or be everyone.

As long as she's engaged and happy, there's no problem.

You still need some time to just be you.

eta assuming OPs DD is currently telling OP which route to take on the pick-up/school run 😁

It sounds like you have pretty good reasons to send her & as you say opportunity may not come up again.

the school sounds like it will keep her occupied and will ease pressure on you re the school run. Will she manage without the nap or will she get one at school. If no nap she might be a little grumpy after school till she adjusts

If she loves it and you can afford it then it is best for her.
Children mature at different rates. My second child was like yours and was ready before they would let him in. He never wanted to come home from pre-prep.
My first child was not ready by the time he had to start.
Life is unfair, but just now it looks like it's going to work perfectly for your daughter. Embrace it.

When I was a sahm we put our youngest into nursery for a day a week using childcare vouchers. People would make snidey comments about me being at home but tbh I ignored them. It was good for her to go and it was good for me to have a few hours where I could get house stuff done, go to the dentist etc. When my eldest got her free hours we paid a bit so she could go 3 x 9-3 days. Again people would comment but no one lives your life OP 😂 Its ok to want to do things for yourself like studying etc

At age 3+ she should be ready to drop the nap some days enabling you to do more with her. If she goes to school the full day she won't have a nap so why cant you drop the nap at home at least on some days and get doing more with her?

I did similar and DS thrived. I took him out for the odd special day and I started studying for a career change.

She's three. They are at school long enough when it's compulsory. Four hours a day is more than enough to socialise and she won't miss out on anything by keeping to that.
I'd work on dropping the nap so you can do more on the afternoons.

I've found this thread very difficult to follow. Currently, she is out of the house 9-1, comes home for lunch and nap. She's up for an hour or so before she has to go out on the school run, during which time she is 'so bored and fussy'. It doesn't seem long enough to me for her to be bored and fussy! As you have older children, if you want to have quality time with your 3 year old, you need to have her at home in the mornings, so that you can go on days out, library, classes, stay and play. As you say, the afternoon is gone with school pick up and then after school activities for bigger kids. Pointless sending her for mornings then picking her up just when you're not going to be able to do anything with her. If you don't want to have special one on one time with her, send her for the full day and don't feel guilty about it, if finances allow.

In that 1 hour before we leave she is whiny and bored, and when we do get home it’s the same.
Last week dh was ill so was able to do the older kids pickup and I took my Dd to a class that the rest of the children from her school go to. She absolutely loved it! It’s like she wants that social side, being actively engaged and I just can’t seem to do that with her.
it seems like I have a whole afternoon with her, it really isn’t and she isn’t getting much out of it

the full day runs till 6pm! However 4pm works perfectly for me as I pick up the other 2 at 3:30 and it’s close to her school so works out fine.

Doing the school run is just part of life for younger children. There's no need for it to be boring but even if it is, what's the problem. It's good for children to be bored and to learn how to occupy themselves.
Also not understanding why you can't visit a playground or do something mildly entertaining in some of the afternoons.

To be fair she’s explained why a lot now. Her DD naps and only wakes up around the time they need to be going out for the school run!

You're saying she's bored at home and there's plenty of fun and interesting things at school. So it seems a no brainer she'll be better off there.

The worst that could happen is it doesn't work out and then you can reduce her days again?

If you can afford it and she enjoys it then why not?

Presumably you have a good enough income with just your partner or other money so the fact you're a SAHM isn't really relevant.

If she is at school you could consider going back to work? If that's what you want to do. But if no financial need or personal desire then it's perfectly reasonable to stay at home.

Be careful that you don’t paper over the cracks because you’ve still got evenings, weekends and school holidays and she needs to learn to occupy herself. If the older children entertain her they’ll be a point where their busier and she’ll be at home without them.

With Nursery I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it but I loved having extra time with my children before reception with them doing some half days, especially as the weather gets better.

I put YABU because I think you should probably send her for 4 days and do something nice with her on the other day. The choices aren't at home or at preschool. What about taking her on a day out?

I understand its shit weather right now and the indoor options are all a bit tedious - but when the weather's nicer I think you should make the most of your youngest baby before she is off to school for good.

This. I didn't know how to vote but it sounds like she'd enjoy it.

Just send her! You can’t keep her happy at home, why wouldn’t you send her? Most kids perfectly happy in daycare 8 til 6pm . Stop fretting.