I’m a bit on the fence about this, at a similar age my dm had a hysterectomy and I helped her a lot with recovery - she had surgical stockings that I remember being extremely difficult to deal with. She was a single parent so had no one else to help, although it was hard it also made us very close emotionally as we went through it together iyswim. I have distinct memories of us laughing a lot together during this time even though it was tough.
She also suffered very much from mental health/psychiatric issues. If ‘cosmetic’ surgery had helped with this and I’d been with her in her recovery in a similar way (and even if it was purely ‘cosmetic’), the effect on me wouldn’t have been any different.
So there’s a discussion on whether ‘cosmetic’ surgery is purely frivolous or whether it can be a solution to mental health/self esteem issues. In which case is it really cosmetic? Don’t want to inflame things loads but some of the divisions in people’s opinions on ‘gender affirming’ procedures can be based on some people thinking it’s life-saving and essential and others viewing it as cosmetic.
The other issue I’m not sure on is how preteens, teens and young adults are viewed in today’s society compared to historically. Life expectancy used to be a lot shorter, so kids worked and took on ‘adult’ responsibilities at a much earlier age. I can see the difference in what we expect from e.g a 16 year old now compared to the 90s when I was that age. It seemed more normal to leave school, get a job or even get married and have children at 16-25 than it is now. On the one hand, it’s a great thing we’re letting kids be kids for longer, but could this also be underestimating what young people are capable of and possibly creating ‘learned helplessness’?
So I can’t or won’t answer whether I think YABU or YANBU but just wanted to add these points as I think it is quite a modern conundrum as we neither had as much access to cosmetic procedures in the past, and also the climate/expectations for children are very different now too 🤷♀️
I do think there’s an argument to be had that we put too much pressure on ourselves as parents to feel responsible for protecting our children from any kind of hardship or exposure to what they might deal with as adults. I’m sure parents have always felt judged by society but it feels to me like we feel we need to ‘parent’ as a verb so much more than in the past. Of course it’s a good thing in many ways but maybe the balance has tipped too far the other way and we could be doing kids a disservice by not recognising their capabilities to deal with some of the hard bits of life?
Fwiw I would love cosmetic surgery but have deliberately chosen wait until my kids are adults to decide to go ahead as I don’t want them to be affected by my recovery. So maybe I’m not such a fence sitter.