To go away alone for 40th Birthday?

[Janblues28]

It's my 40th soon and I have travelled alone plenty of times before usually tagging along holidays on to work trips. My 5yo son has ASD with PDA profile and my DH says he can't cope with him so I had originally planned a 4 day break with all of us but in reality I know it will likely be a disaster and any hope or expectation I had will be met with disappointment. I think i was kidding myself. I could do a mini break and I've thought about going alone - would that be really tragic? I just never get any respite, work full time and when I'm not working I'm caring for DS. There is no break.
I'm also feeling resentful as DH took 3 separate far flung holidays last year for his 40th and was able to do so because I CAN care for our son. Should I do the 4 day break with all of them or go solo - accept it might not be the adventure I was after but at least I get some time to myself.

Your husband needs to learn! He’s 50% responsible for him, it’s ridiculous that he says he can’t do it. He just hasn’t practiced enough. Definitely go.

I would love a holiday alone. It’s not sad at all. You definitely need it and thoroughly deserve it!

Go solo do is being extremely selfish. Tell him to hire a baby sitter

Go and have a relaxing time, you deserve it!
My DH would say to me-you know I cant cope with all 3 of them! Bearing in mind that there is a gap in ages, our DS’s are 8 and 10 years older than our DD so they were helpful looking after her
He’s been away numerous times with work, lovely parts of the world, time off to explore whilst there,
Been abroad with his friends
I work too, pre-school so term time, we’ve had some lovely family UK holidays but I’ve never been away by myself, felt like we could never afford it.
Have regrets now but hopefully will make up for it , DD is in Y11, once shes 18, maybe Uni? I’m definitely taking myself off to explore.

You should go away 3 times exactly as your dh did. Parenting isn't optional just because he has a penis.

Hi op can you not do something with your mum for your birthday go away somewhere. Your dh is basically letting you get on with your responsibilities as a mum but he’s not taking his responsibilities seriously. Look at this way if you got ill went into hospital or worse he would have to step up so just go away it won’t kill your dh if you let him step up now for your special birthday. It should be 50/50 either way why should you feel guilty for having a break? He had 3 last year I bet he didn’t feel guilty.

Your husband is a d*ck for a few reasons;
He has got to this stage of parenting and cannot look after his own child for a few days (how embarrassing for him, I'm a send parent and it's hard but realistically it is not impossible is it, because you do it)
He was happy to leave you regularly to manage looking after your child alone despite him believing this is an impossible task
He can't return the favour and is ruining your birthday plans with zero suggestions for how he can make this work for you

You need to jump on this, as much as anything, what if something awful happened to you - someone else absolutely must be able to care for your child. You also deserve a regular break, caring is hard. Your husband needs to step up, he can practice whilst you spend a day or two at a spa and then when he's more confident book your 40th holiday and enjoy guilt free (switch your phone off as he's likely to message with guilt trips and queries).
Also - do you want to be married to someone who behaves this way. I wouldn't, it's deeply unattractive when men can't nurture or care for their own children, and this level of selfishness when he knows you need a break is really grim.