Is my DS’s tutor being unreasonable

[PWPmum]

My DS 11 who is in year 6 has a weekly tutor to help him prepare for his SATs and support his spelling. He is dyslexic. She insists on being paid at the beginning of the month with the sessions she will teach agreed in advance.
My DS is not well today. So I contacted the tutor to let her know he can’t do the lesson today and asked if we could roll the lesson over
she has replied saying as the cancellation is on the day and her time is booked out, there is no rolling over or refund.
But there will be no lesson today so part of me feels why should I pay?
She’s offered to teach him at the weekend but we’re busy then.
I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not to push for the credit to go towards next month or not.

So no only do you think your time is more important than hers you also think her line of work is less important than yours.

Would you be ok with being paid late and having to chase your salary constantly?

This tutor has bills to pay just like any other person, shame on you for paying late and then wondering why she asks for payment in advance.

I have 3 kids. Standard. Our tutor is happy to work around us as we have known each other for years working though 3 children.
If I cancel I never expect her to replace but she does

I think she’s been more than fair. She’s offered to roll the lesson over to the weekend which she didn’t have to do. If you choose to do something else instead, that’s not her fault.

She sounds more than accommodating.

Gets worse. You're lucky she still takes you.

I missed this gem! That she was having to chase you for payment too.

I used to use a tutor who charged weekly but I would pay before I got to the doorstep to pick up.

I would also pay if we had to cancel short notice as a matter of course - she didn’t have to ask or insist on it - because she would obviously have put the time aside for him.

Tutors have regular bills as much as anyone.

Or made you chase up payment when you did come in!

I am a tutor. I need to pay my bills. If your son is ill, that’s unfortunate for you - it shouldn’t mean I don’t get paid. She offered to reschedule at the weekend which is already generous.

Well I’d say you’ve got some brass neck OP ! You’ve got the derision of 99% over not paying for a cancellation…..but now add that you used to be a late payer too.
You deserve being dropped by this tutor.
Love to know who the equally stingy 1% are!

You sound like a nightmare.

Exactly , late payer too
The tutor is better than me
Op would have been dropped immediately

I am a singing teacher and I have to say reading all these replies has restored my faith in humanity. I've had to deal with a few total nightmare parents over the years demanding that I make lessons up because of illness, other commitments, or no real reason at all.

It seems to me that people will try to do this to individuals more often than to companies e.g. if they have paid for a term of swimming lessons to a swim school, it doesn't seem to cross their mind to ask for any money back when their child is ill, but self employed tutors are apparently fair game. Incredibly frustrating and stressful! I hope you think about this more carefully in the future OP

Yabu. Of course you pay her. You a cf to even think you don't. It's kind of her to offer an alternative time

I think you look down on her and don't see her job as important.

Would you do this to your plumber, or window cleaner who you had booked in?

'Oh I'm not feeling well at the moment - come back when it's more convenient to me - and I'm not paying either'

I really do think this is more likely to happen to a woman because there is STILL the perception that women's work is less worthy of actually being paid.

When my DS started with her, I used to pay weekly which I preferred but she asked me to swap to a month in advance. She said this was because she often had to chase people for payment after each lesson.
I hold my hands up that this included me sometimes which is why I agreed to change to the more formal set up.

You agreed?

It's more that you were TOLD TO or the tutor would have dropped you.
Most people get paid monthly. They have monthly budgets.
Do you pay all your other bills weekly?

This is completely disrespectful and shows you have no awareness of other people's situations.

Would you walk out of a restaurant and say you'd pay a week later?
Or your dentist?
Hairdresser?
Shop?
Yoga class?

If you'd signed up for a class at a gym or whatever you'd not behave like this. Or maybe you'd try?

I had nightmare parents like you. They made me very angry.
It was as if being in debt was fine and they could treat me however they liked.

It wasn't a hobby.
It wasn't offered on 'credit'.

You are disrespectful because they are self-employed, either coming to your home or you to theirs.

I'd tell you to find another tutor.
The tutor you are seeing is a specialist I assume. They have waiting lists. They can easily replace you with someone who respects their work more.

It was very good of her to offer to interrupt her weekend at all, she didn't have to. If your son is unwell today, is he going to be well enough for a sports club at the weekend? Perhaps his lesson is more important than his club?

Good lord! And you still appear to think you're not being unreasonable!

Your son's tutor was absolutely correct to charge in advance. It's her livelihood, and you appear to treat payment and her time with arrogant casualness.

Going on my dance teacher DD's experience I would say that because what you are teaching is probably a hobby for most of your pupils they seem to assume it is a hobby for you too. My DD will always try to help with things like payment plans to spread fees over a longer period if parents have genuine problems but more often than non payers just don't see it as a priority which is extremely frustrating.

So someone who is a late payer now has the TEMERITY to complain when the woman wants paid for last-minute cancellations?

People like you make me hate self-employment.

If you are employed you get a fixed salary to pay your bills. If you are self employed you rely on getting income for the work you book. She will have allocated and budgeted in accordance with the bookings she has. Late cancellations may give her time back, but not the money that she needs to live.

Yes, if she cancels due to her own illness, she may refund or credit. This is a cost self employed people have to absorb (and should be priced into their usual rates, along with holiday pay etc).

You are expecting her to reduce her income as a result of your own childs illness. That isn't fair and she wouldn't have a successful business if she regularly offered this.

Its the same with many hairdressers, beauty therapists, cleaners and other service professionals. The cost of living is expensive these days, and absorbing late notice client cancellations for any reason is not something any self employed person should have to do.

She has been particularly accommodating by agreeing to rearrange, so you should be very thankful for this.

To note, even if she has a regular employed job as well as the tutor work, it doesn't mean her employed income is 'nice to have'. It may be relied on to pay bills, be adding to savings, planning for future, debt repayments. Try not to presume or judge about her financial situation. If you enter into an agreement with a service professional, it is up to you to pay it, and your frustration to take if you need to cancel at late notice.

I would bet good money that the tutor was just being polite when she said "people" often pay late, and she still allows weekly payment for clients who don't rip the arse out of her good faith.

Yabvvu. She rolled the credit over when she was ill because she couldn’t provide the service you had paid for. If she didn’t roll it over it’s like going into a clothes shop, making you pay for a jumper but you’re not actually given the jumper. You let her know with less than 24hours your DS was ill so it’s fair you loose out

Wow. Late payer too. I don’t understand how people think that’s ok, so disrespectful.

We had an English tutor.

When the lessons were in person, people paid each lesson. If a lesson was missed it was still paid for. I chose to pay for the month, at the start of the month, then I knew it had been paid, and I didn't need to allow for it in other spending.

Due to covid the sessions were online. If we were not going to be able to make a lesson, I would let the tutor know as soon as possible, so she wasn't sat waiting for us to join. We still paid. If the tutor had to cancel, the payment was carried over to the next lesson.

It isn't always possible to slot someone else into her lesson time at short notice. I know it is not your fault that your child isn't well, but it isn't the tutor's fault either, and they shouldn't be out of pocket.

Yes you are being unreasonable. You paid for her time which she was unable to book with anyone else. To cancel on the day she won’t be able to fill this - she would lose out for no fault of her own. She even offered you an alternative which although doesn’t work for you, and that’s fine, she did offer.