Would this bother you?

[Yellowspottysocks1]

My DH and I have been together for 8 years, married 1. My in-laws over the years have made it clear myself and my kids are not welcome. His adult 23 y/o DD also. Examples are his DD was suppose to be a bridesmaid at our wedding, bought a beautiful pale dusk dress but she turned up in a racy black one. She also presented him with a birthday present last year (the only time she got him a gift) and it was a photo album of him and her mum (they separated when she 2 so it was all old early 20s photos of them)
Anyway for Christmas his mum got a family drawing made with all the members of his family, except me. Or my children.
Would that hurt you? Or am I being a tad sensitive? DH says I am.

It wouldn't hurt me. I'd be angry for a bit, I'd then feel pity for them. They're pathetic and they are blatant attempts to make you feel excluded. Leave them to it. Don't make any effort with them, just enjoy the people who matter and treat you well.

Awful, it would be upsetting for most people I think. Is there any back story? Why do you think they have taken a dislike to you and your children?

Why is your husband tolerating this from his family

No back story, he was single for years before we got together and ran in the same friend group. His DD took an instant dislike as she doesn't like to in her words, share him especially with other kids. My DDs are 18 and 10.

@whattheysay he doesn't say anything to them. He's too scared to say anything from his DD in the fear she falls out with him.

He's not got a big family either so the drawing was of his grandparents/mum/step dad/auntie/uncle/his DD/and his DS he doesn't see (and none of them has even met)

Personally I’d be glad to be not included in a tacky drawing . Let them away at it. The bridesmaid thing I would find quite rude if she didn’t tell you beforehand she wasn’t happy with dusky pink.. that really is quite rude I think

How was someone they’d never met in the drawing?

They sound like a nasty, mean spirited bunch- I’d just avoid them- doesn’t sound like you’re missing much.

The inlaws should count you as family, your children is up to them, unless your DH has adopted them? It is tough for children when their parent lives with other children. We are supposed to pretend it isn't, but it is. Your DH should be having words with his DD. Has he been a good Dad?

If they've made it quite clear you and your DC are not welcome, I wouldn't bother with any of them at all and I wouldn't be bothered about being in their picture - they're not your family or your children's family, they're your DHs family. Just let him see them on his own and ignore them!

@TheIceBear no she never said anything, just turned up in skin tight racy black dress. I didn't say anything, just to keep the peace.

@NormasArse his mum got a photo of his son off of FB and got the artist to draw him in.

No he hasn't adopted them, and they see their dad a lot but have a great relationship with my DH.
DH has been a 'disney dad' his DD lives a few hours away so only seen her growing up once a month and during the holidays. He's never lived with her since she was 2. He sees his son once a month at his ex's families home. His family have never met him.

I'd be hurt by his mother's behaviour, you're married. You should have been included given how many people were in it.[DH should have pulled her up on it, not told you that you were over reacting]

re your children. I think that depends on the relationship your DH has with them.

I'd be very unimpressed by his daughter turning up in a black dress rather than the bridesmaids one she was given to wear. Just a bit 🙄 at the photo album. Obviously it was meant to upset you, highly unlikely to be something he wanted as they'd split up, completely different if her mum had died.

id cut her a bit of slack being jealous that your kids are living with her Dad when she didn't have that herself.

its sadly only natural that she'd prefer to have her Dad to herself. It doesn't make it nice for you though. Your DH is behaving like a spineless wetwipe though. He should be carving out 1:1 time with her, but also not tolerating a bad attitude to you.

EDIT: just to delete a bit about your DH not seeing his DS after I read your latest post.

its sadly only natural that she'd prefer to have her Dad to herself

Shes 23 not 8! How ridiculous

Don’t waste time and your energy overthinking what/why dh’s dm & dd are like this. Do what makes you and your family happy. Life is too short for over thinking.

From your explanation it appears DH has already had two DC with different women. Then you come along with DC.
My DB raised a DSS, who we all absolutely and treated as family. SIL had an affair and left. We were heartbroken. We haven't been allowed to see DSN since the day she left. Being generous to your inlawas, perhaps they're wary getting involved with a third family. If DB got married again and had SC I know I would be.

Out of interest what did your DH do with the tacky drawing?

So, she's 23. Why shouldn't she have Sue tie and with her Dad.

i'm sorry you find the idea ridiculous, I'm sad you mustn't have had a good relationship with your own Dad.

I get that but his relationship with his DD was when he was 23 and lasted a year and he didn't have a relationship with his DS mum, it was a ONS and his family didn't meet her or his DS. I know this doesn't paint DH in a good light but apart from one other who he was with for 4 years (and no dcs) that's his whole dating history.

So she's mourning not having a proper father while he had a great relationship with your children. She's directing her anger at you. He's got a lot to appologise for.

But none of that has any bearing on him being a decent father. He hasn't been. Look at his relationship with his children, his exes are irrelevant. 23 isn't that young. His DD' education was taking off as he was approaching 30. He was the same age as his DD is now, how much slack are you cutting her?

I'm sad you mustn't have had a good relationship with your own Dad

How have you come to that conclusion?

Is it only adults who don't like sharing their Dad that have good relationships with them.

I get that but her mum had an affair and left with the guy taking DD hours away (the other guy was in the RAF and moved across the country to be with him)
I get some of his DD behaviour. I have girls and I understand what she must be feeling but the dress/photo album was done intentionally to hurt me and I haven't done anything accept try and be a friend to her. I can't seem to win no matter what I do.

Your DH sounds pretty dreadful tbh, he saw his daughter once a month, and now sees his son the same pitiful amount? What a father. And he’s too gutless and lazy to stand up for you, so he tells you to suck it up instead. It’s not surprising to me that his family are dreadful too. He learned at his mother’s knee how to treat people.

I know he hasn't been a good dad and Im not shy in telling him that. He has no idea what it's like being a parent 247, the hard graft of day to day life. I've told him all this already.

Out of interest, do you facilitate any gatherings of his family at your house, gifts, cards, celebration nights out etc?