Would this bother you?

[Yellowspottysocks1]

My DH and I have been together for 8 years, married 1. My in-laws over the years have made it clear myself and my kids are not welcome. His adult 23 y/o DD also. Examples are his DD was suppose to be a bridesmaid at our wedding, bought a beautiful pale dusk dress but she turned up in a racy black one. She also presented him with a birthday present last year (the only time she got him a gift) and it was a photo album of him and her mum (they separated when she 2 so it was all old early 20s photos of them)
Anyway for Christmas his mum got a family drawing made with all the members of his family, except me. Or my children.
Would that hurt you? Or am I being a tad sensitive? DH says I am.

To be fair hes been in court for years getting access to his son. He's spent thousands fighting with his ex for contact.

I don't want this to be a bashing of DH. I'm asking how you would feel about the drawing. Just wondered if I was being precious or if others would feel the same.

Yes I buy them all gifts for us, his DD refuses to come to our house. My DH meets her outwith.

23! I had DC1 at 23. I was married (still am more than thirty years later!) with a mortgage. That child, now 31 is married to his first ever girlfriend at 16, they bought their firs home at 23.
You speaking like that, no wonder DD is the way she is. I'm shocked, and after being here a long time, that's rare.

I would definitely be hurt, and I do think these people are being deliberately cruel. You deserve better.

Your DH has to do a lot of work with his family here IMO.
He's trying to stick his head in the sand in the hope that this 'awkwardness' will go away.
He is the only person who can try to broker a better arrangement between you and his family. If he's not prepared to accept that it needs to be done then I'm sorry that you married him.

Oh calm yourself lol

Crikey. I really don't understand why you're so shocked.

OP has clearly stated that she's told her husband that he's not been a good father.

You're family experience is just one of millions, all of them different.

It really doesn't become you to be so superior to a woman who's being hurt by the behaviour of her in-laws.

And yes @Yellowspottysocks1 I'd be hurt too, but I hope I'd learn to ignore them PDQ. There's not really anything else you can do, apart from leave him and the entire situation behind.

I knew it. They refuse to acknowledge you and you are running around after them trying to make them like you and your DH look good.

It's a new year - take control of your time and effort. Match their energy. Stop humiliating yourself. Stop buying gifts, stop sending cards, don't arrange for them to come to your home, you don't need to be hosting such rude people. Let your Husband do it.

I think posters who think 23 year olds shouldn't have anytime 1:1 with their Dads are sad people.

I would just continue with my own life and have nothing at all to do with them. Why on earth would you want to be part of such an awful family? Hopefully they have other family to help out when they are older, because they wouldn't be getting any help from me. My advice would be to stay away, and don't ever invite them to your house. If your DH wants to socialize he can do it at their place, and don't buy them gifts, they really aren't worth the time and effort, and once again your DH can take over that. If I had in-laws who didn't like me I actually couldn't care less.

All these people piling on the OP are being unfair. It doesn’t sound like she’s done anything wrong and she’s not responsible for her DH’s past choices. His family sound awful. If it was me I’d go no or low contact with the in-laws and stop buying them any presents immediately. Zero effort from now on. His DD is a different case. The dress thing at your wedding would have annoyed me too and the photo album of him and his ex was pretty childish. She doesn’t sound very mature for a 23 year old. You seem to have handled things sensibly and maturely. I’d just minimise contact with her and just be politely reserved when you do see her.

OP, it would bother me, but saying that I would simply match energy by stopping doing anything for them and leaving the DH to dealing with his family and SD.

If you treat people horribly, you don’t get to expect anything from them including accepting rudeness.

Give the SD what she wants and don’t lift a finger for her. She’s an adult and old enough to know better and you’re just an easier target to let her frustrations out on. Leave it to your DH to get her gifts and do things for her. She doesn’t want a relationship with you so better to accept that and treat her like an acquaintance you are polite to for DH’s sake and nothing else.

I’d keep buying the presents, but they’d all be framed pictures of me - maybe a few would feature me and DH, but mainly just me 💁🏼‍♀️

Did they all come to your wedding, how did that go?

Is he an only child?

I think you'd be better just pretending they don't exist - give them some of their own medicine.

What's wrong with your husband? If my family treated my husband the way his are treating you I'd never speak to them again.

That sounds like a plan!

"for Christmas his mum got a family drawing made with all the members of his family, except me. Or my children. Would that hurt you? Or am I being a tad sensitive? DH says I am."

If this had happened to me I would be hurt. Not surprised after 8 years, but yes, hurt.

What would hurt me more would be that my husband didn't see how hurtful they are or how upset you might be by such a spiteful snub after all those years. They don't respect his choice do they and he accepts that.

That made me laugh! Guess what they're getting next Christmas!

They all came and didn't really see them much of the day. Spent it together with our friends. We have 2 main slow dances planned, a first one just us then a second that everyone could get up and dance with us. After the first dance finished my DH instantly let me go and pulled up his DD to slow dance the 2nd one with. I was standing there like a spare prick on the dancefloor then the best man swooped in and we danced. That part was awkward.

Yes he's an only child. The only child in the whole family, his auntie didn't have children so he is babied a lot.

His daughter needs to frankly grow the fuck up. At 23 she should not be jealous of her dad getting married after being single for years and she definitely shouldn’t be jealous of him now having stepdaughters- she’s a fully grown adult ffs!

They are being horrid, but honestly I think I'd find it hilarious. The daughter especially - who turns up to a wedding in a lacy black dress?? 😂 Let alone a bridesmaid! And the photo-book thing almost reminds me of Miss Havisham. What a weirdo!!

Echoing others, just feel relieved you don't have to deal with them on any level. I certainly wouldn't visit them or host or anything. Your husband can make the effort, if he's bothered. The rest just treat like watching a soap opera.

Frame the drawing lavishly and hang it behind the loo.

I’d be more worried if they liked you OP. They’re no good.

My late FIL (horrible old twat) came to visit one day and brought a bag of photos he’d found.
Photos of DH and his ex wife. Even included some of their wedding day. 😂
FIL liked me at first but changed his mind when I wouldn’t put up with his shit, he was a bully who went too far and started bullying our kids. DH was too scared of him to intervene so I did.
He then started a campaign to try and split us up.
When he showed me the photos I oohed and aahed about how lovely they were and how lovely the bride looked. I like to think he was seething because he didn’t get to me.

Yep, they sound like cunts but your husband is the bigger problem. He should be standing up for you here and the fact that he isn't paints him in an even worse light than his poor parenting. His family you can pretty much ignore and you'll be better off for it (I speak from experience) but what are you going to do about him? For God's sake do not make any babies with this man because this has disaster written all over it. Sorry.

I had dc1 at 23. I'm a single mother and always have been. I rent and probably always will do.