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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baby news should be happy, not a competition?

63 replies

Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 20:49

My younger brother and his wife are expecting their first baby in March. Today I told my parents that I am also expecting (#3) and they've suggested I don't share the news with the wider family until after DBro's baby is born so I don't 'steal their thunder'.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous?! I'll be around 20 weeks pregnant by their due date and I know they want a few weeks to themselves before seeing people. So either when their baby is born I say 'hey surprise I'm already half way through cooking another one!' or I turn up to meet their newborn with a noticeable bump. Surely either of those would be way more of a statement than just quietly mentioning something now?

Think at this moment I'm honestly a little hurt that mums reaction was to ask if I was kidding, followed up by basically instructing me to keep it to myself. Writing this out perhaps more of a chat with them is needed in case there's more to it. But now it feels weird, like I've done something shameful rather than something people will join me in celebrating. I'm just not of the mindset that life is some ongoing game of top trumps and that someone's good news could sour someone else's moment, esp 6 weeks in advance! But thought I'd ask the hive mind in case I'm being naive.

OP posts:
Ifeeltheneedtheneedforcoffee · 03/02/2026 20:53

Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I would chat to your brother and sil. Tell them and then ask their views on when best to tell everyone
But ultimately its your wonderful news to share. I think as long as you do it on the day the baby is born and a couple of days either side I think it is fine.

RedBlueGreenStars24 · 03/02/2026 20:56

Your parents are batshit crazy. Tell your brother and the world.

routineiskey · 03/02/2026 20:56

My sister never spoke to me again as I got pregnant when her dd was 1 month old. Apparently she was ‘the priority’ and it wasnt fair that I did that as she wanted me to help her and thought I was done having dc!!!!

beAsensible1 · 03/02/2026 20:56

congratulations OP!

I mean it was a silly thing of her to say because who can steal a new babies thunder. But maybe it’s because it’s their first and your third?

or maybe something they know that your not privy to which could make it a bit sensitive.

Rainbowdottie · 03/02/2026 20:57

I think your mum thinks it’s nice to give them a little space for them to announce their one. Not that yours isn’t important , loved or welcomed, I think your mums just thinking from the perspective that it’s your brothers first. You’ve already experienced that “first announcement”.

That said how long is she expecting you to wait. I was thinking more a couple of weeks from the initial announcement rather than waiting for the baby to be here? That seems a bit extreme to me. Ie if your brother announced it now, you could do yours in a couple of weeks? Both babies deserve their own little announcement imo.

having said all of that I have two adult sons and grandchildren and I wouldn’t dream of saying anything or getting involved. They announce when they want to announce! Nothing to do with me .

Tableforjoan · 03/02/2026 20:57

I’d tell your brother and sil.

Also honestly your on baby number 3 your mum is over thinking how much people will care about others pregnancies and baby’s when it’s not their first. Baby three is more like a passing comment with a congrats and everyone moves on.

unless there is some huge back story where your known as the person who’s always got to one up, be better than, make a situation about yourself and they think you got pregnant just to steal someone’s else’s time yet again. Because then your mum would have reason to be poo faced.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 03/02/2026 20:58

Why would you hide your pregnancy, they would think you were weird. Congratulations 🥳

Arlanymor · 03/02/2026 20:58

Ifeeltheneedtheneedforcoffee · 03/02/2026 20:53

Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I would chat to your brother and sil. Tell them and then ask their views on when best to tell everyone
But ultimately its your wonderful news to share. I think as long as you do it on the day the baby is born and a couple of days either side I think it is fine.

No you don't consult people on when you talk about your pregnancy, that's bananas. You're allowed to shout it from the rooftops whenever you want.

I say this as someone who after a long ten-year struggle found out they couldn't have children and made it clear that if anyone delayed/kept news from me they would be treating me like an invalid and reinforcing my biological inabilities.

If you have great news, then shout it from the rooftops, it's hardly going to overshadow anything (although overshadowing isn't a thing unless you have a massive ego) and you are entitled to celebrate your good fortune.

Original poster
Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 20:59

@routineiskey oh my goodness I'm so sorry, that's really sad :(

This sort of thing is why I wonder if I should chat more to mum. I do think everyone thought we were done. She said something about 2026 being 'their year' though honestly I didn't take everything in as I was a bit taken aback by the reaction. Dsil has siblings with small children who live very close to them, and her parents as well close by so I think they'll feel very supported. My parents and I on the other hand live on the other side of the country so wouldn't be much help regularly anyway!

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 03/02/2026 21:00

I think that's too precious, people have infinite amount of fuss and gushing there isn't a limit, there's plenty to go round! I say this as someone on the other end of this when some of my family were annoyed my sister got pregnant with her 2nd 3 months after I finally conceived via ivf, it didn't bother me at all, it wasn't my moment to have anyone steal away! Excited to have a cousin so close in age more like!

Original poster
Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:03

Tableforjoan · 03/02/2026 20:57

I’d tell your brother and sil.

Also honestly your on baby number 3 your mum is over thinking how much people will care about others pregnancies and baby’s when it’s not their first. Baby three is more like a passing comment with a congrats and everyone moves on.

unless there is some huge back story where your known as the person who’s always got to one up, be better than, make a situation about yourself and they think you got pregnant just to steal someone’s else’s time yet again. Because then your mum would have reason to be poo faced.

I completely agree that telling people about #3 feels like a non event 😂

And I know you only have my word for it but I am more of a person to make the situation about anyone other than me rather than the opposite. I don't like attention much. I think turning up with a bump would be the most uncomfortable moment ever. Or even having to explain why I've waited so long to tell people!

OP posts:
Renisenb · 03/02/2026 21:03

I mean if you announce it now then it’ll be 4-6 weeks before their baby comes, so your pregnancy won’t “overshadows” anything (although I feel the whole logic is crazy, just entertaining it)

everyone will be very used to you being pg so they can have their “moment” and it’ll be a good 4 months before your baby is born??
i feel like announcing it after is actually worse even by this weird logic.

congrats! I’ll also be 20 weeks mid March

Lmnop22 · 03/02/2026 21:03

Obviously you have to tell them, announcing a pregnancy weeks before their baby is due won’t steal the thunder of their firstborn’s arrival! Much much weirder to turn up to meet your nibling obviously pregnant, never having mentioned it and then have to admit it and steal their thunder then when it’s in the days after the birth!

Eenameenadeeka · 03/02/2026 21:04

Yeah I think your mum is being weird. I don't get people who see it as stealing thunder or some weird competition. I was pregnant at the same time as my sister and she was really excited, her baby getting a cousin the same age, not mad.

Original poster
Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:05

@Arlanymor this is my way of thinking absolutely. But I've had too many situations in life where my way is not the common way and so have learned to think before I speak.

Also sending huge hugs for how tough that must have been xx

OP posts:
Tableforjoan · 03/02/2026 21:05

Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:03

I completely agree that telling people about #3 feels like a non event 😂

And I know you only have my word for it but I am more of a person to make the situation about anyone other than me rather than the opposite. I don't like attention much. I think turning up with a bump would be the most uncomfortable moment ever. Or even having to explain why I've waited so long to tell people!

Show quote history

Definitely just arriving hugely pregnant would make more of a scene like look at me 🤰

helpagal · 03/02/2026 21:05

Congratulations OP. Your mum is the one being unreasonable here. That’s a really hurtful response. Surely your brother and SIL would think it very odd if you didn’t tell them till you’re half way through?! It’s not like you’re due on the same day or even at the same time! And saying it’s ‘their year’ is a bit yucky. No one can lay claim to a year ffs. And it’s their first and your third so without being rude to you, that’s going to be a bigger deal for them and their wider circle then your announcement will be for you. I’m sure they’ll be pleased to have a little cousin the same age for their baby!

Maryberrysbouffant · 03/02/2026 21:05

Your dm is deranged. Tell people when you’re ready to tell them, and tell her to sod off.

Happytaytos · 03/02/2026 21:06

She's definitely being wierd. I think a low key announcement now is best. It would be so odd to turn up with a 20 week bump having said nothing. How awkward!!!

Coffeeandbooks88 · 03/02/2026 21:07

It is baby number three. No one is much bothered by that.

Original poster
Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:07

helpagal · 03/02/2026 21:05

Congratulations OP. Your mum is the one being unreasonable here. That’s a really hurtful response. Surely your brother and SIL would think it very odd if you didn’t tell them till you’re half way through?! It’s not like you’re due on the same day or even at the same time! And saying it’s ‘their year’ is a bit yucky. No one can lay claim to a year ffs. And it’s their first and your third so without being rude to you, that’s going to be a bigger deal for them and their wider circle then your announcement will be for you. I’m sure they’ll be pleased to have a little cousin the same age for their baby!

100% agree! It's a lovely moment for them becoming a family 💙 whereas #3 is a bit 'another one?!' I say this as one of 5 myself 😂 people tend to take it in their stride by that point!

OP posts:
Original poster
Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:08

Ah you lot are making me feel a lot better, thank you. It threw me for a six a bit and I was concerned I'd missed some massive social norm/was running the risk of being unknowingly selfish.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 03/02/2026 21:09

Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:05

@Arlanymor this is my way of thinking absolutely. But I've had too many situations in life where my way is not the common way and so have learned to think before I speak.

Also sending huge hugs for how tough that must have been xx

That's really sweet of you and I am honestly though the difficult bits now. I have two amazing expensive goddaughters that bring me heaps of joy. This is just the way my life is supposed to be and I have to find other outlets for my nurturing.

I don't blame you at all for coming on here and taking the temperature because sometimes people come out with crap that makes you think: "Er, what? Do we live on the same planet?!"

Celebrate, enjoy, you deserve to. It's lovely news. You shouldn't have to keep it to yourself for some arbitrary and unfounded reason! Xxx

500daysofspring · 03/02/2026 21:09

I think it would actually look more like you were trying to “steal their thunder” if you waited until after the baby is born.

Happytaytos · 03/02/2026 21:12

If you are worried at all, send the news as a text and then there's no expectation on an instant response. I was overjoyed when my sister was pregnant just as I was about to give birth. Such lovely news.