To think baby news should be happy, not a competition?

[Confusednbemused]

My younger brother and his wife are expecting their first baby in March. Today I told my parents that I am also expecting (#3) and they've suggested I don't share the news with the wider family until after DBro's baby is born so I don't 'steal their thunder'.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous?! I'll be around 20 weeks pregnant by their due date and I know they want a few weeks to themselves before seeing people. So either when their baby is born I say 'hey surprise I'm already half way through cooking another one!' or I turn up to meet their newborn with a noticeable bump. Surely either of those would be way more of a statement than just quietly mentioning something now?

Think at this moment I'm honestly a little hurt that mums reaction was to ask if I was kidding, followed up by basically instructing me to keep it to myself. Writing this out perhaps more of a chat with them is needed in case there's more to it. But now it feels weird, like I've done something shameful rather than something people will join me in celebrating. I'm just not of the mindset that life is some ongoing game of top trumps and that someone's good news could sour someone else's moment, esp 6 weeks in advance! But thought I'd ask the hive mind in case I'm being naive.

Congratulations - no, your mum’s reaction is not normal.

What an odd response. I mean, if you announced your pregnancy at the time or shortly after their baby is born, that is much more likely to “steal their thunder” if it was seen as “ok, great, you’ve had your time now on to the next!” - it’s not as if they’ve just announced either.

Honestly it’s backwards logic as well as just being generally unreasonable.

Is your brother the favourite/golden child?

She’s being quite mad, OP. People have babies all the time. It’s nice, but very ordinary news. It’s not like you’re trumping his Golden Globe with an Oscar or something!

@Nearly50omg I wouldn't say so these days. Maybe felt like it a bit when he was a cherubic looking youngster, and he was a right mess as a teen and yet got away with murder regularly 😂 but then I think my parents have supported us all when we've had wobbles/screw ups tbh, just only realise it with the beauty of hindsight. Now he's in his 30's with his fair share of positive, negative and neutral life experience like the rest it feels pretty equitable l I'd say.

This is a bit nuts on your Mum's part, you are more likely to "steal their thunder" if you announce it when their baby is born.

Their year! That sort of bollocks needs nipping in the bud. What are you going to do, hide your baby for 9 months. Is no one else allowed to have a big birthday, get a new job.

Pandering to this crap is making people both entitled and miserable.

I’m all for batshit crazy Mums doing crazy Mum things but she’s definitely wrong on this one.
Congratulations!
I’m also growing number 3 and at this point, if it’s another girl I might as well emigrate 😂
Definitely tell your brother, it would seem more odd to turn up with a bump and then it would be the talk of the room.

Babies are born every minute of every day. Its ridiculous to be told to hide your pregnancy for someone else's benefit 😒

When I was heavily pregnant with my first my dad told me tha my step sister was pregnant with her third but that she hadn’t wanted to say anything as didn’t want to steal my thunder. I thought it was a weird thing to say then and I think it’s a weird thing for your mum to worry about too.

Not exactly the same but near enough. When I was 8mnths pregnant with my second child, my DSis announced she was also pregnant with her 3 DC. It didn’t take anything away from my excitement of meeting my baby and didn’t steal any attention from anyone.

There’s no reason to keep it a secret if you’re ready to announce it. If you do though, I bet your DB and SIL will be forever embarrassed if they are the reason you kept it on the quiet - even if you told them you were just following orders from your ‘bonkers’ DM. Tell your DB - he can then choose if he tells his wife.

Your mistake is taking bat shit lessons from parents - just make the announcement

I could understand it seeming like attention seeking if you announced right around the due date and/or announced unusually early. But announcing at 14 weeks when there’s still 6 weeks until the other baby is born is absolutely fine.

Once the baby is born, surely it would be “stealing the thunder” more to announce your pregnancy (or turn up massively obviously pregnant!) in that first month when baby is still a novelty and people want to meet them and fuss. So is your mum really suggesting you then wait 1-2 months after the birth, so you’re 24-28 weeks? That’s very unreasonable.

Lol, that's crazy talk from your parents!!! Your pregnancy isn't to be hidden, it's double the celebration - and congrats to you and wonderful news for your brother too!

If they are expecting next month then surely everyone has known for some time?
It’s always lovely news to hear of a pregnancy but really people don’t care that much! Once you tell people they will pretty much forget about it til the birth is imminent. You won’t be stealing anyone’s thunder at all.

That was shitty of her. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled that their baby will have a cousin so close in age.

Crazy suggestion from your mum.

Announce your news however you like with as much joy as you like. God knows these events don’t come around everyday, why should you announce your happy news as if it’s something to be ashamed of? Anyone who thinks you’re “stealing their thunder” needs to grow tf up.

Sorry but your mum is being bonkers, tell your DB And friends and let it get round by itself - congratulations on DC3

It sounds like you have dodged a bullet - what a brat.

OP tell people when YOU want to.

This is such a weird suggestion from your Mum?! So much weirder to tell them when you’re half way through they’ll surely be like why didn’t you tell us sooner?!

Ignore your mum and tell them when you’re ready to.

She said something about 2026 being 'their year'

Whose year-your brother's year or your mum's?

Surely you having a baby doesn't detract from either of their years anyway.

How absolutely ridiculous!! If they were due in the next two weeks, and you were very very early on in your pregnancy, I guess I could sort of see the argument for letting them have their moment before announcing your lovely news but this is laughable. I was sort of on the other side, my brother and sister in law were so nervous to tell me they were having another baby (#4!) due two months after my first because when I got pregnant with my eldest, it had taken us a longgggg time and lots of heartache, and they thought they’d be treading on my toes, or something equally bonkers. WRONG. I was thrilled, and my DC1 and their DC4 are thick and thieves to this day. There are so many lovely positives to cousins growing up close in age and to having your post partum ‘journey’ run alongside a close family member, imo,

Utterly ridiculous. Definitely share your news :) my sister was pregnant with her 2nd baby and 3 months later I announced i was pregnant with my first. It was lovely, everyone was excited about both babies, knitted things for both and it brought me and my sister closer as we'd message constantly about pregnancy and then baby stuff. It might bring you closer to you SIL too.

Congratulations!

What the actual fuck??? Your sister must be deranged