Husband messaging another woman- is something off?

[Wheresmulderandscully]

I have NC but I just want a quick gauge of thoughts on this one!

If your fella had messaged a woman- let's say a friend of his friends (not 100% sure on how they know each other but think this is the most likely reason) to meet for a drink and you saw the message how would you feel?

My husband has lots of friends- both men and women but he ordinarily tells me his plans- like who he's going out with.

Things have been strained lately leading me to ask him if there is/ was anyone else and if there has been any online chat/ messaging with anyone that might make me feel uncomfortable.

The answer was no. Absolutely not.

When I then told husband I had seen the message/s he replied with " I haven't cheated with X" to which I replied "I didn't say you had cheated, I said messaged" and he said "what's wrong with me messaging x"

I don't make a habit of arranging meet ups with men-
Am I being unreasonable to feel this is off?

No advice other than go with your gut OP. Sorry this is happening to you. 💜

If she was one of his established female friends, I think it would be fine. Doesn’t sound like she is, and your instincts are probably right.

@Henriettafromdablox oh completely- I have no issue with that whatsoever

So he has asked another woman out for a date OP?
Of course that's not acceptable if you're in a monogamous marriage.

Yes sorry OP. It's obviously not ok and you were right to pick up on his change of behaviour. Hopefully you've nipped it in the bud.

Op, you've felt something is “off” and you asked about it. He denied it and now you’ve found this.
I would say, you already knew. We so often do. I did. I bloody felt it in my bones in a way I cannot describe. There was nothing obvious, nothing at all but It sort of….lingered in my sub conscious, ever so quietly in the back ground. And when it did consciously cross my mind? I dismissed it. It was ridiculous! He’d never do that and certainly not with that woman….except as it turns out, he would and he did. Trust your gut.

I think it’s OK for your DH to message female friends that are well established and you know about, have met her, like her company as well etc.

It’s not right imo for your partner to be messaging other woman that his wife / girlfriend doesn’t know about. I wouldn’t mind DH chatting to a friend he’s known for ages that happens to be a female but asking a woman you don’t know anything about to meet for a drink is just really off.

go with your gut!!

This.

My husband has both male & female friends and I genuinely would not be at all bothered about him doing this with any of them, but the key there is it wouldn’t have been a secret or hidden in the first place because he has no reason to hide it.

I tend to err on the side of- you only hide things if there is actually something to hide- go with your gut.

Trust your instinct op

I'm so sorry you're going through this Original Commenter 🫂
Like numerous other souls have stressed, you're so right to trust your instincts -
Especially considering, he normally tells you his plans & didn't with this female - Plus his defensive response "I didn't cheat!" when you didn't mention the word "cheat"
Maybe nothing has yet happened with this female, she might've turned him down - But if he intends/intended to cheat, this to me would be a huge red flag 🚩&you deserve so much more

You are sorry the OPs partner is going for a drink with a friend?
A bit extreme

Are you the OPs partner by any chance? 😂he didn't tell her about arranging to meet another women for a drink. Someone she doesn't know so hardly a good friend. Then he says ' i didn't cheat' when she never mentioned cheating. 94% on the vote agree.
Plenty of people have friends of the opposite sex but usually their partners know about them.

strange Reaction for him to jump to. the ‘I’m not cheating’ comment is suspicious.
I wouldn’t like my DP to be arranging secret drinks with other women.