Don’t know how to feel about my dates ‘joke’

[Mavej]

I have NC’d for this.

I am currently dating someone I met online. We’ve met three times in person and all going well.

Last night we were messaging and I said I’ve not been with a man intimately since I lost my husband 4 years ago so feel a bit nervous about when things progress.

His initial reply was really kind and understanding, but he then sent a follow up which I feel uneasy about. He said ‘it sounds like I may need to invest in some waterproof covers if it’s been that long 😂’

It was late last night and I haven’t replied yet. He hasn’t said anything else but knew I was going to be up early for work.

Am I having a sense of humour failure or is that a joke which goes a bit too far?

🤢

I’d get the ick too OP. Bin him.

Yeah my mouth dropped open there, that’s just really cringe and pervy.

WTF does that even mean? Does he think you’re going to piss the bed or something?

bit gross and badly timed considering what you just told him

You deserve better

I think different people would take it different ways, some would find it silly while others would see it as insensitive. I would personally think that he doesn’t have a brilliant grasp of how sex works for women’s bodies and I don’t know if I could be bothered with that

How old is he?

I don’t even get it.

36

Yuck!!

Me neither.

Depends really. It wasn’t especially funny or sensitive especially given the context. But if he’s an otherwise good guy I wouldn’t write it off completely over a bad joke. He may have been trying to diffuse an awkward moment.

I would assume he isnt going to be a very good lover. Maybe watches porn rather than relates to real partners. Very very unrealistic assumption that you will be squirting in ecstasy, very very crass.

I think it’s a very misplaced statement as a sense of humour. If you’re offended by it, you’re offended by it, regardless of what other people think (good or bad).
Personally I think it’s crass and particularly from someone I don’t really know . It would make me question would I want to know. But someone else will have no problem with it I guess.

it’s definitely not something to say after being told the person you’re talking to has slight nerves after losing her husband

I think eww but I have a friend who would be all in for the more explicit back and forth with crude sex stuff. Yuck
. She thinks it's great though and a fun flirtation
She is around 30 but I'm older.

I think you opened up slightly and told him how you feel, which I’m so sorry for your loss and I can understand your anxiety after 4 years.

He should have sent the compassionate response and left it… that message is icky!!

Oh gross! So insensitive. Yuck.

Depends if the goods are up to standard...
Then give yourself time to decide if it was light hearted banter gone wrong or if he's a jerk..

I’m not sure I do either. Does he think the OP is so afire with sexual frustration that she’s going to be so wet he needs a mattress cover? Or that she’s going to wee herself?

Either way, he sounds like a tool, and as if he’s a bit confused by female anatomy.

Yes this, immature. Shocked at him being 36 but then I guess some adults are incredibly immature for their age

At best, it displays a kind of flawed understanding of human sexual response.

It's also odd to me that he was still thinking about this and decided that this additional follow-up comment would add value. It wasn't a knee jerk reaction to an unexpected admission from you that caught him off guard; he'd already replied perfectly normally and the conversation had moved on, and then he decided to circle back and "randomly" throw out an iffy, provocative, quasi-sexual comment. Why?

(Also, it's not that long under the circumstances.)

I presume he's another one of these 'all women are squirters' believers?

If he's otherwise seemingly a nice guy I imagine he was trying to think of something to say in a difficult situation and missed the mark. Im sorry for the loss of your husband. I think it wasn't the best comment but I wouldn't judge him too harshly if he's otherwise been good company.