To pay for a private menopause clinic as GP so useless?

[Nearly40mumof4]

Hello, first time poster here. I’ve been struggling with my hormones for as long as I can remember. I had HG with every pregnancy and was hospitalised a few times with the vomiting, but when breastfeeding I was totally fine. My mum had a hysterectomy when she was about my age (39) and so I think there’s a strong hereditary aspect to this. Fast forward four children (youngest 4 now) and I think perimenopause has begun: shorter cycles, really horrible symptoms (mainly psychological and mental rather than physical) Seen GP several times but useless. I can’t tolerate hormone birth control as seem v sensitive to progesterone and nothing they suggest helps. I’ve tried all the mindful stuff etc etc but doesn’t seem to make much difference. I’m healthy weight and have a good diet and active lifestyle and have popped every supplement known to man. The symptoms come and go like clockwork, half the time I’m fine, the other half, I feel like a different person.

Even though we’re not well off, should I try a private menopause clinic? Do you think it’s worth it? A local clinic in York said £250 for an initial consultation.

Bloody hell, that's shocking!
Even after all the input into Menopause support in the media etc etc there are still so many badly informed GPs around.
It's depressing.

I'm exactly the same on synthetic progestogen!
I was a bit concerned before I started bio identical progesterone but it's been great. I can't wait for the beginning of the month because I know I'll have two really calm weeks with great sleep. I'm on estrogel too, two pumps, and testosterone which has really helped.

@cloudtreecarpet exactly! With all the news and media coverage about menopause you'd think things would be better. Perhaps they are in some areas eg big cities?? Around here, i got told by one male gp, "what do you expect? Hormones affect all parts of your body, its natural."

@DuchessofStaffordshire maybe the secret is the bio identical nature of the hormones. Makes sense. I hope I can try something like this too. Never had probs sleeping until the last year and would love to go back to waking up rested, not terrified and exhausted half the time.

The thing is, we know our own bodies. I felt like I was losing the plot having to explain the same thing over and over again and being treated like I was just being neurotic. I went from being full of energy, productive, exercising every day to a shell of myself within months. My marriage very nearly ended and I couldn't even parent my own kids properly.I thought about ending my own life on several occasions because I just couldn't see an end to it.

@DuchessofStaffordshire that is literally the same story for me. I am capable of so much and look & feel great, and then the awful crash afterwards. I think the trouble sometimes is, if you're a capable , strong woman who is used to "getting things done", it's just so weird/alarming to try to figure out what has happened to you and why the change can be so sudden. My dh doesn't cut me any slack and can't see why I can't just "get over it". The thing is that I do always keep going and hide it as best as I can, but to quash the dark thoughts or terrible feelings, I end up doing horrible things like binging/purging for some kind of release. It sounds crazy and the words of a mentally ill person, but it's all linked to hormones and the rest of the time, I can cope with anything and respond rationally. If I didn't suffer, I might not even believe it myself- it's a real screw to the head.

Thanks to everyone who replied. I've bitten the bullet and paid for a private consultation with a menopause / hormone specialist at a clinic in york. Wouldn't have done it without the encouragement of people here, so thank you x

I hear you. You know your own body.
I have similar very clear cyclical ups and downs - right now I feel good, energetic, cheerful, mild mannered and clear thoughts. But about two weeks each cycle I get so hugely irritable and very snappy with everyone at home, I get exhausted and find just doing the school run really draining and awful, and I get what I call mental noise - songs stuck in my head on a loop really loudly that I can’t get get out. Thoughts going a million miles an hour. Then period starts and I feel it all wash away and I feel like myself again. I feel like I should go to the gp but because I’m not “ill” per se I feel like I’m wasting an appt and I don’t quite know how I’d explain the above without feeling stupid. But I know that my months are ruled by my hormones and I dread, for example if we have a family holiday booked in one of the rage weeks because I know I’ll just end up starting and argument.

One thing I forgot to add - my consultant said that although he does blood tests, he doesn’t rely on them. Your levels may well be within tolerance, but they may be out for you. A history of PMS/PMDD immediately means that your body is more sensitive to hormones than someone that isn’t affected by the above conditions. He treats the symptoms, not what the paperwork says. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!

I did during COVID, worth every penny. 90 minute appointment went thru everything

I saw what you wrote and it reminded me of this from The Guardian. Not sure if it is of any help:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/feb/01/pmdd-premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-symptoms-treatment?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

YANBU and your story is so familiar to me. My GP practice were utterly useless. It took 4 visits and 4 different GPs to get them to agree to prescribe HRT, when I was 49, and had had a hysterectomy.

I asked the receptionist whether they had a menopause clinic and she looked at me as if I had two heads.

Good luck with your appointment. Every private appointment I've done has been SO worthwhile and a thousands times more productive and helpful than any GP appointment. Sad but the truth for me.

Can I ask why you mentioned HG? I had HG x2 and curious, do you think it's related to hormonal imbalance? Would explain a lot for me too. Thanks

@ZaraBlue I believe that hg is linked to the high levels of progesterone in early pregnancy. Consultants told me this when i was hospitalised. If you look at the levels in early pregnancy compared to normal cycles, it's insanely high. When my prog' levels are highest eg on day 21 (of day 26) my symptoms are much much worse and when I had prog' only contraceptives, I was suicidal within a day - like a different person and when i stopped taking it, I was back to normal again. By the sounds of other comments, bio identical prog' is not like the synthetic forms and is better tolerated. I hope to find out!

@Bimblebombles that all resonates with me so strongly. We must be experiencing the same thing. The thoughts/ songs going round is also a thing for me. I can't exactly recommend the gp as it's been rubbish for me, but I will report back after Friday and let you know if the £275 has been worth it!

@DD0 thank you, that's kind. I had no idea i could get so much comfort from people on mumsnet. It's amazing. I will do a new thread on Friday to report back.

@Astra53 thank you, good advice in there. I think number one for me would be ditching my husband who makes things harder, not easier!

@TheGoddessAthena sorry you had to go through so much. I know from my mum that a hysterectomy isn't an easy option to take, but hopefully it worked for you.

I’m 41 and it took me 3 drs to finally feel listened to and get prescribed HRT (first 2 drs were male then I asked who in surgery specialised or was sympathetic to peri meno and got a female dr who thankfully listened)
try asking who in surgery is good to speak to and keep asking to change u til you get someone who listens to you

Seeing a private women's health/menopause specialist is easily some of the best money I have ever spent. My only regret was not doing it sooner.

The right (for the individual) HRT is transformative. Most GPs just don't have the specialist knowledge as prescribing HRT is an art form. One size does not fit all, neither to the majority of the NHS options.

it has been the best money I’ve ever spent! Pre Christmas I felt absolutely dreadful, couldn’t see the point in anything, lost all motivation. Crying, sad. No sleep . Same story with no help from gp. In between Christmas and new year I paid to speak with a specialist, had my new prescription within days and now, just over a month later, I feel AMAZING! Good luck and you won’t regret it x

It’s crazy how different it is
i went in this year at 41 and left with HRT straight away. She listened to me, read the letter from gynae that said to prescribe progesterone on top of my mirena and didn’t ask for bloods

There may be someone in the practice or group of practices with a special interest (either another doctor or a nurse practitioner) who you could see fairly quickly.

A referral to hospital gynaecology service is another option, but the waiting list may be an issue depending on demand.

Your GP is really poor. I wouldn’t bother to see them again, even for the referral, ask someone else.

I had the same sensitivities and had to try quite a few different HRT types.

The so called “bio identical” was actually the worst of the lot for me personally, although many seem to get on with it, you may be ok.

A Northisterone based one has had the least side effects.

I would ask for a referral to a local Menopause Clinic but failing that, or a lengthy wait to be seen, I would pay to see a specialist. I had an early MP over 30 years' ago and was on HRT at my request then though I had to push for it. I was only seen by GPs at first but luckily had older friends already on it so was able to advocate for myself. Over the years many GPs tried to dissuade me from continuing as per the relevant advice from the NHS/NICE at the time, but I usually continued, though I did stop one time for a year or so due to press pressure. But then those scare findings were found to be false and I continued again. Thankfully. Eventually I sought advice from a specialist private clinic who did more extensive tests and they offered me alternatives I'd not been offered before. I followed their regime and eventually went back to my NHS GPs who continued this new regime after receiving the Consultant's advice. Personally I would hope to continue till I fall off the perch as I follow all the latest findings on HRT and believe it to be wholly beneficial. There are those of course who need to be careful with medications and HRT but then that is what Specialists are for and why you can't simply buy over the counter.