To pay for a private menopause clinic as GP so useless?

[Nearly40mumof4]

Hello, first time poster here. I’ve been struggling with my hormones for as long as I can remember. I had HG with every pregnancy and was hospitalised a few times with the vomiting, but when breastfeeding I was totally fine. My mum had a hysterectomy when she was about my age (39) and so I think there’s a strong hereditary aspect to this. Fast forward four children (youngest 4 now) and I think perimenopause has begun: shorter cycles, really horrible symptoms (mainly psychological and mental rather than physical) Seen GP several times but useless. I can’t tolerate hormone birth control as seem v sensitive to progesterone and nothing they suggest helps. I’ve tried all the mindful stuff etc etc but doesn’t seem to make much difference. I’m healthy weight and have a good diet and active lifestyle and have popped every supplement known to man. The symptoms come and go like clockwork, half the time I’m fine, the other half, I feel like a different person.

Even though we’re not well off, should I try a private menopause clinic? Do you think it’s worth it? A local clinic in York said £250 for an initial consultation.

Have you considered PMDD?

Struggling with tolerating progesterone in hormonal contraception is common with PMDD.

My gp has been useless too. Has dismissed me telling me I am a bit young for that at 47. Offered antidepressants for the disturbed sleep, gave me tranexamic acid for the brutal periods and told me that many women sail through menopause with no medication.

My GP will prescribe what you ask for but was very passive.i paid £150 for a consultation with a specialist menopause nurse and it was well worth it. She was local so I could have an in person appointment.

@Sidge and anyone else who mentioned pmdd, yes I'm almost certain I have had pmdd since my periods started, but I could always manage the symptoms quite well. I've tried various contraceptive pills and the implant which all caused terrible symptoms, I assume as a rection to the progesterone. I was most recently given estelle(?) I think and sertraline as a pmdd treatment but I couldn't tolerate the side effects (too severe for me to continue working) (also self employed so couldn't take time off). The trouble now is that my symptoms seem to be worsening and I just assumed peri as my cycle has shortened from 28 days to 26 and worsening symptoms. I am also looking at my mum and how things went for her and seeing a pattern.

Thank you for all the replies by the way. I am grateful for them all. It makes me feel less alone at least. My dh is a nice guy but a farming type who comes from a stiff upper lip family who thinks anything like this is nonsense and that I need to get a grip. I wish he was more supportive but I think he just gets cross with me, even tho I do an insane amount of work for our family and business and couldn't try any harder.

@MargoLivebetter this is what also appeals to me. I'm not sure how much info a gp, even a great one, can ever glean in a ten min consultation.

@Willowkins this sounds like a great resolution. Being heard and valued is really important. Glad you have a positive experience.

@soupyspoon thanks for sharing that. We don't really have spare money as such, but it kind of feels like I can't afford not to do it, as I am getting close to some kind of breaking point I think. Sometimes the feelings are so extreme. And even tho I know they'll pass, it can be all consuming. I had hoped that hormone specialist might be able to prescribe something to stop me ovulating all together, or some form of hrt which might take me back to where I was a few years ago which was still pmdd, but manageable. Since stopping bf my daughter 3 years ago, it's just got worse and worse.

I paid same with BUPA Menopause Support Plan…best money I’ve spent in a very long time. If you can afford it, do it.

@UnaOfStormhold thank you for the tip. It's definitely progesterone I can't cope with. I think that's why my vomiting was so bad when pregnant as I have a severe reaction to it. During luteal phase i get skin reactions like an allergy too, like hives, swollen joints, skin rashes. They disappear when progesterone levels fall.

Just to flag for those suggesting PMS, yes possibly for OP, as with me perhaps but Im 10 years older than OP and still having periods and the ups and downs are disabling.

So Im of the opinion that we know when its getting a lot worse, its different, difficult to explain why

I also didnt know there was a menopause referral/consultant system, but as someone says the wait wont be worth it, I hope to be out the other side by then.

@Mum2Fergus thank you, that's good to hear. Glad it worked for you.

@crackadawn yes I think that must be it. But does pmdd plus peri have to = living hell?! I'm desperate to find a solution.

Yeah like other posters it screams pmdd. Sertraline worked well for me

@Sidge thank you. I've only ever had synthetic forms via birth control and the implant. I think there must be something about my blasted body that can't tolerate anything above the minimal levels of progesterone - as soon as it increases after ovulation, I get worsening symptoms. The sickness during early pregnancy when levels rise sharply nearly polished me off as reaction was so severe. By contrast, when bf exclusively and not ovulating, no probs at all.

Ask reception who the GP is in the practice who has an interest in women's health - there's usually one, even if it's an informal thing - and go to see them.

Just wanted to add, OP- I couldn't tolerate any contraceptive pill, and the mirena made me awful with rage and manic feelings.

However, I'm in early peri and have actually been fine on the cyclical progesterone/oestrogel. It has really shocked me. But I was so desperate to try and solve my many awful and worsening (physical and mental) symptoms, that I risked trying it. It's a bio-identical one. I'm very glad I did. I'm not back to "normal" but I'm vastly improved.

I would go private for an opinion on whether some form of something might help, just in case something can be pinned down that may help ❤️

@Hankunamatata glad it worked for you. I tried it but due to the horrid side effects, I stopped as i couldn't function. It might have settled down but I didn't have the opportunity to see if it worked as it was so severe.

Try a well woman clinic or if you habe health insurance or any benefits at work check that out too.

You shouldn't have to do deal with this crap because your GP isn't supportive.

I'll never forget the lady at the well woman clinic telling my gynalogist was one of the best for surgery but no good on understanding the emotional impact. It was the combination of both that got my hormones more settled.

@DuchessofStaffordshire it's exhausting isn't it. Glad you have had a better experience since changing tack. It feels like utter pot luck whether you see someone useful or not. It makes me so upset having to regurgitate everything again without sounding like I've lost the plot (which I nearly have).

Please push for a referral - I’ve had a few years of hell, been on every anti-depressant known to man and like you was told it was a mental health issue. I got referred to Gynae due to a ‘lump’ down there, but mentioned in a check up following my surgery how I was struggling with symptoms similar to yours. He referred me onto a menopause specialist, who just got it. He understood and he took me seriously. At age 30, he started me on HRT. It’s changed my life. Worth also nothing that PMS and peri menopause can often overlap, and even if it is ‘just’ PMS you still deserve treatment. Please make sure you advocate for yourself here as although the majority of GP’s are great, they can’t know everything. You do need to see someone that specialises in this area to get results from my experience.

@soupyspoon thanks, yes I'm the same, definitely pmdd, but also something changed recently and I'm sure it's peri coming in to play. It's hard to express clearly how it's different, but I just know what it is and that it's worse and that my overall hormone level must be changing. I used to cope but now I'm struggling. I have high thresholds for pain and stress but I find now that I am often just so sad that I cry on secret and feel like a shadow of myself. My mum understands what it's like, she told me she nearly died before her hysterectomy (and then hrt for 20+years) and it feels like there is that much at stake. She had to go private for it too. I just wish there was a solution. I'm so sorry you suffer too, it is miserable.

@LamonicBibber1 thank you, yes that is how it made me feel too- totally crazy. Good to hear about your treatment and that it is better - gives me hope!

Hi OP, I'd definitely recommend a private specialist if you're not having any luck with your GP - I'm thinking of doing it too after being prescribed HRT 18 months ago and having such a hard time when I had to take the progesterone. It hadn't occurred to me that I could be sensitive to just that - I assumed it was the whole of HRT that was the issue and I wouldn't be able to take it at all - so thank you for bringing it my attention!

My friend went private and said she felt so listened to, and they started very low dose and tweaked it to her. Which sounds much better! You're right that being a prisoner to your hormones shouldn't just be the burden you have to put up with. Not in this day and age! Best of luck to you

It wouldn’t be money wasted paying for a private gynaecologist.
Sometimes a professional ear helps even if you don’t need hrt.

@DD0 @Molokono thank you for the encouragement. It is so hard but i am heartened by your replies and the glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. I feel so sad to think of the time I've lost over the years to feeling this way and feel like its a miracle Ive survived this long. With the increasing severity and also things like migraines (coming like clockwork) as i assume peri has started, i have even hurt myself when I felt like my head would explode with the pain of it. It just cant go on any longer. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.