my much loved friend is giving me the ick!

[packratandproud]

I love her very much and can NEVER talk about this in real life as she's in a senstive place at the mo,but she has become obsessed with Heated Rivalry- so far , so meh but she's fallen down a rabbit hole of watching loads of Youtube and tik tok videos - and then telling me all about the actors as if she knows them - using their first names only and saying things like " Jack (can't remember their real names) was really funny because when he met John he said ......and John said ...."
I know I'm being mean and like I said, my lips are sealed in real life- as each to their own and all that- but it makes me cringe inside out
It's definitely become her obsession over the last few weeks and she's talking about it loads and it's reminding me of a teenager! We are in our forties by the way!

She’s excited about something that makes her happy. That’s fine. You are really tired of hearing about it. That’s also fine.

Next time she starts, smile at her and say, “All right - three things about Heated Rivalry and then we move on, okay? It’s kind of a lot for me.”

Well now, this is true- my midlife crisis has so far been hot flushes and anxiety attacks - so this is probably much more desirable!

This is a lovely way to do it

I can sympathise somewhat as a beloved friend of mine got involved in a pyramid scheme and became a bore for a while. I was so surprised to see her taken in by it at all, never mind all the scripted nonsense she would spout.
Honestly, I just firmly and pleasantly rebuffed the chat and changed the subject as many times as it took for her to give up. It did annoy me at the time.

If you don't watch the show say, "Look, this stuff is wasted on me. I don't watch it so what can I say?"

She's being a bit selfish to keep on about a TV show. Won't do her any harm for you to offer her a kind and friendly no.

I like that too.

People can and do get caught up in things like this.

I once left a job after two days (not an important job) because it was clear the woman I was working alongside was never going to stop talking about Coronation Street, which I have never watched.
Just wasn't worth it.

I'm like this about The Archers (long time follower) 😂😂😂.
I've been listening for so long they feel real to me and I tell my husband about what they get up to as if I'm talking about people he knows... He indulges me, I don't bore my friends with it though...

Can you try and change the subject as soon as she starts? Hopefully she'll get over it soon. I haven't seen that show but I saw an article about it the other day, about obsessed fans harassing the actors, so it could be worse, your friend sounds quite restrained compared to them! 😅 https://slate.com/culture/2026/01/heated-rivalry-show-cast-connor-storrie-hudson-williams-francois-arnaud-actors-fans.html

I never get this attitude - It's such a weird, black and white way of looking at the world.

The whole point of love is that it exists despite the fact that the people we love drive us mad/hurt us/can't be saved etc. If you didn't love them, you wouldn't feel the conflicted feelings and need to express it (on an anonymous forum).

It's such a very simplistic view that I can't believe that the intention behind it, consciously or not, is to encourage women (always women) to be uncritical to their own detriment/ have no boundaries/put up with shit from everyone for fear of breaking the 'be kind' mantra which conveniently keeps them in their box.

My SIL is like this. I think I know more of her colleagues names than I do my own. Her daughter has started to do it too. I find it strange.

I think I can get sucked up into things like this. I remember I went through a phase of keeping up with all of the Jack Monroe threads on Tattle, reading every post for months. Then my son was born and it seemed to give me new perspective (and something more worthwhile to do with my time). I wouldn't mind someone querying my investment in something like this to check I'm conscious of how invested I'd become. I guess it depends on the person.

That's not a midlife crisis, that's just menopause. Wait until you start having the urge to revert to being a teenager, then you'll understand. Or maybe you'll buy a motorbike or have a sexuality crisis. I think your friend has found some harmless escapism. Maybe it's the 1st time in a long time that she has felt any type of way about anything and is chasing more of that dopamine/oxytocin/whatever it is feeling she got when watching the programme. I mean, who doesn't like seeing hot guys getting it on with each other 😂

Totally agree. I mean, look at men and football. Obsessing over players and transfers and league tables and endlessly droning on and on about every minutiae. I think it's just more socially acceptable for men. Women with obsessions are portrayed as childish and sad. It's interesting though that some early research described the autistic brain as an extreme male brain (in reference to a PP describing her son's obsessive interests).

Did you know that the one who plays the Russian isn't Russian but learned his Russian lines with such convincing Russian intonation that actual Russians were convinced he could speak Russian though?

Didya know THAT? ;-)

(Sorry)

Oh god don't you start 😂

There’s a book from a few years ago called This Is Not A Book About Benedict Cumberbatch that makes this exact point. Men who are really excited about “male” interests, like sports teams or rock bands, are seen as intense but basically normal. Women who are really excited about “female” interests, like good-looking actors or romantic movies, are seen as childish and/or unstable and/or embarrassing.

The author worked in an office with a guy whose cubicle was covered in sports team merchandise, which everyone just shrugged about. She had a Benedict Cumberbatch calendar and some other related knick-knack, and a significantly younger male colleague was like, “You know he’s not really Sherlock, right? You realize he’s just an actor and you don’t actually know him, right?” Asking around online, she found that a lot of other women felt they had to try to hide how much they liked a “female” interest because other people found it weird or embarrassing.

Which, of course, does not mean OP has to listen to her friend talk non-stop about Heated Rivalry. But there’s nothing wrong with the friend being excited about something she likes.

I like the ‘3 things then we change the topic approach.

As someone who read the books, and follows local and NHL hockey, I am totally in love with Heated Rivalry. It is incredibly well done, it has made a hell of a splash in the entertainment world, and the actors really did the story justice. Doesn’t mean it’s for everyone though.

But a little note for why this story and its publicity is important…it draws attention to the very real issue of homophobia in sports. Here in the UK, teams have their pride night in January with jerseys raffled for charity. It should be a representation of everyone being welcome in the EIHL. Yet on Saturday the Fife Flyers made a last minute u-turn and said they’d only wear the pride jerseys for warmups and not for the match. While it’s was never said out loud, fans know why - it’s the maga team member who refused and therefore the whole team can’t wear it. People were angry, the charity refused their potential donation and it made it very clear that the flyers only stand for inclusion when it’s convenient. They will rollover for one guy.
And this attitude is standard across the sport. It’s not a place where a gay player could live openly and still have a career. And that’s something that should be challenged. And people watching Heated Rivalry brings that message to the fore. Yes, it’s fiction, but the issue it portrays is not.

It’s not Yungblud is it? A lot of Middle aged ladies seem to have a thing for him. I might or might not have had a brief crush on him myself. But I kept it to myself 😂

Ooh it’s hard work isn’t it!?
We’ve had:
World war 2
Russia
The holocaust
Extreme weather
Ronaldo
And many many more.
I tend to zone out then get shouted at for not listening!

The Outlander fandom was something else. Again mostly middle age and older women. It was fascinating to watch and I was obsessed with their obsession with both the characters and the actors. Plus a hefty percentage was convinced that the actors were in a relationship and stalked them to the nth degree wherever they went.

I’m 55, married to DH for 27 years. Definitely straight but I had a bit of an obsession with Beth!! 🤔

Thanks. 😊 That’s what I do with my daughter and her different series she likes.

Thanks. 😊 That’s what I do with my daughter and her different series she likes.

I will gladly trade you anime. One it is SO VAPID AND BORING and two IT NEVER CHANGES. Not to mention - could it BE more stereotypically nerdy?

It’s who she is. It’s often a bid for connection when she has nothing else in her. I wish so hard I could share it, but I don’t. I’m just open about it. ‘I LOVE that you have special interests, but I don’t share this one. I’ll follow along, because I love you, but I’m not immersed in this the way you are’ and I accept that at times she has nothing else to say - that this is literally all there is in her right now. It’s OK if I need a break from it. But it likely means silence while this still goes in her head! (That’s what happens when I get like this. And I don’t like it either!) I’d rather sit in authentic silence than have her perform normal for me. Special interests are so often a refuge, and mean something is rough for her, so I lean in as hard as I can. And the people I love most react this way.

The whole ‘three things’ thing is dismissive and controlling. Who made you the boss of the conversation? It’s beyond infuriating because it’s a demanding a limit not asserting a boundary and in no way collaborative.

DS was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 7 but I’ve suspected he has ASD too for a few years.
He’s a beautiful soul. Kind, caring and generous. He loves cats and they love him.
I try really hard to engage with him over his special interests but some of them are just so dull.
Hes currently watching the doc on Lucy Letby and I’m being bombarded with messages about it 😂