my much loved friend is giving me the ick!

[packratandproud]

I love her very much and can NEVER talk about this in real life as she's in a senstive place at the mo,but she has become obsessed with Heated Rivalry- so far , so meh but she's fallen down a rabbit hole of watching loads of Youtube and tik tok videos - and then telling me all about the actors as if she knows them - using their first names only and saying things like " Jack (can't remember their real names) was really funny because when he met John he said ......and John said ...."
I know I'm being mean and like I said, my lips are sealed in real life- as each to their own and all that- but it makes me cringe inside out
It's definitely become her obsession over the last few weeks and she's talking about it loads and it's reminding me of a teenager! We are in our forties by the way!

yeah I move it on- it's not the going on about it that is the problem it's the talking as though she knows them- it really is like a teenager

This. Just don’t engage. Don’t hide your boredom. Reward her with your full attention if she changes the subject.

Many of us do get obsessive interests in things.

In order to fit in to normal society, we have to learn to button it. It’s something I’ve learned since school - no one else wants to hear about it.

I can hear that my voice goes different when I talk about current obsessive interests and it’s my cue to shut up.

this message has given me the ick

nope haven't bitched about her at all- said I love her, which I do, said she is having a tough time which she is, said I also need to just vent- which I am

Just switch off. My other half goes on tangents on football. I ask, politely if his team won (couldn't give a rats though, tbh) and then he starts on a huge breakdown of the game. Using names of players or terms I don't understand and have no wish to learn, ever, lol. Tbh, I switch off, or he runs out of steam or I make excuses and go do something else. I just wish he'd say 'Yes, we won 2-0' or something and leave it at that 😀

It sounds like she’s clinging to a comfort obsession while things feel rough, so the intensity will probably fade once life settles. Let her have a short “update,” then gently steer the chat back to something you both actually share.

well I think it's better than talking to someone in real life about it- it's anonymous- I don't have any family in the UK to confide in and I wfh so I need somewhere to chat

yeah definitely it will - I reckon January doesn't help - it's a month where everyone stays in and watches telly

Tricky one.

I think it's okay for people to have special interests, lord knows I could happily spend an hour telling my friends everything I've learned recently about North Korea or Russian gulags or the best pasta for a lasagna. But obviously I don't! Friends should show interest in each other's passions and interests, but it should be balanced. If I met my friend for dinner and they spent 10-15m telling me all about the latest show they were super into I'd love hearing about it, and ask questions to understand more, and probably we'd go off on tangents related to themes that crop up. But I would expect balance, where we spend the rest of the time discussing more mutual interests, or things I'm into, and that we'd both go away having had an interesting and fun time rather than being monologued at endlessly.

Is there balance for you OP? If not I don't blame you for putting some distance there for the time being. You're worth more than just being a pair of ears for her to monologue into. She can do that elsewhere. Maybe start making YouTube videos talking about her interests which others might find interesting. But a friend that does this and overpowers your interactions isn't a good friend imo, it's quite selfish.

If they're the sort to take on board feedback and you think the friendship is worth it you could always tell her next time it comes up 'I love hearing about the things you love, but I'm a bit Heated Rivalryed out, shall we talk about something else for a bit?' hopefully she'll be mortified realising what she's been doing and will change. If she doesn't then clearly she's either unwilling to, or unable, and you'd be doing the right thing by backing off.

Years ago I had a few friends and colleagues who would bang on about Love Island. I didn't watch it. Tried one episode so I could engage with the chat and decided I'd rather not talk with anyone than put myself through that rubbish again. I just said "I don't watch it, I don't know who that is" and we'd talk about other things.

"Babes, I say this with love, I don't know these people. I'm glad this thing is bringing you joy but please can we talk about something else?"

She can have her fangirling hyper fixation, that's fine, but it's also fair to be clear that it's not for you.

God, i have a couple of friends like that over Eastenders. They sit and have a discussion about who said what, and how sorry they feel for whomever, blah blah blah. I normally piss on their chips and say "guys, it's not real, these people you are talking about do not exist". Very bizzarre but I can't say it gives me the ick, I'm more bemused than anything else.

I also know a 62 year old who is obsessed by Youngblud or whatever his name is. Ridiculous but she is a prat anyway.

Well yes, because sometimes people need to vent- like now, for example, you could just read this thread, absorb it and think "what a silly cow, fancy her making a thread about that" but instead, you are talking about it and expressing your opinion.
Evryone needs to express their opinion - or share their feelings.

You don't need to agree with it, but equally, you dont need to tell me off about it

surely you have another option to vent about your best friend than staying an AIBU telling us you find this ick about her and gathering opinions about your friend?

I hope you’ve changed some of the details then. If she googles a phrase with the name of the show this thread could well pop up in the search results. It’s not out of the realms of possibility that she might work out that this is about her.

I'm not gathering opinions- I am chatting in solidarity with others

to the PPs who say can you push back- i definitely do- I change the topic or we joke about her fixation - but I don't tell her that the calling them by their first names is total ick

I think part of it is also- she is just falling for all the marketing- and the tiktok stuff - like behind the scenes videos/ tiktok deep dives etc

Maybe I need to get my own special interest and download tiktok! 😂

agreed and yes

In principle that sounds good, as long as the friend got the hint.
She might take great pains to explain further 😉

Sorry, @packratandproud I don't really know what to suggest.

Meeting "like with like" could work but that would take the same obsessive level of interest.

Perhaps she could set up a dedicated Tumblr account for her interests and aim her passion that way? She would probably find other dedicated fans to fully engage with there.

Failing to see how this thread is “bitching” (now that’s an icky word). You can love someone and be annoyed at them at the same time, it’s not uncommon. And sometimes you just need a whinge to strangers online, that’s also not uncommon!

One of my best friends is also obsessed with Heated Rivalry and is desperate for me to watch it. I’ve held off so far but not sure how long I can!!

🤣👏

Thank you!

People are being a bit weird about that show. Many of them old enough to know better!