my much loved friend is giving me the ick!

[packratandproud]

I love her very much and can NEVER talk about this in real life as she's in a senstive place at the mo,but she has become obsessed with Heated Rivalry- so far , so meh but she's fallen down a rabbit hole of watching loads of Youtube and tik tok videos - and then telling me all about the actors as if she knows them - using their first names only and saying things like " Jack (can't remember their real names) was really funny because when he met John he said ......and John said ...."
I know I'm being mean and like I said, my lips are sealed in real life- as each to their own and all that- but it makes me cringe inside out
It's definitely become her obsession over the last few weeks and she's talking about it loads and it's reminding me of a teenager! We are in our forties by the way!

Slightly different with mine, but my 30 year friendship wobbled a bit over the summer when all my (very lovely) friend could talk about was the heat (she hates it, I love it), water shortages, hosepipe bans, how hot it was and back to the beginning again. She was obsessed with it. And I love the heat so couldn't sympathise at all.

I let most of it ride over my head - she has an autistic son who talks at her non-stop about his latest fixations and the weather was one. So she'd meet up with me and regurgitate what he'd been saying to her, and be equally repetitive. I did a lot of tongue-biting even though I did find myself thinking 'is this it? Can I take this for another thirty years?' and she's got it out of her system and we're back to our normal conversations now.

Sometimes I think in the interests of keeping the friendship, you learn the art of the 'hmmm, yeah, okay'.

Interesting. I had a friend who was really obsessed by the LGBTQ TV series Pose - she was also obsessed by a series with a lesbian couple in it. My dear friend was from a very religious traditional background and I (and others) suspected that she was gay but could never admit it. She was the loveliest, kindest person so we saw no harm in letting her talk about it.

I’ve never heard of that show - googled it and it looks awful, yanbu. But surely you can ride this out as it’s a life long friendship? I doubt she will still be obsessed two years from now.

She'll get over it! I developed quite a strange, very intense obsession with Rip from Yellowstone last year. Think it coincided with some hormonal fluctuations 2 years PP. I was like a teenager and went on about it to a patient and tolerant friend or two! I'm over it now! Just took a few.. months.. 😳

I’m with you OP. My older sister does this with things and I’m used to it because I’ve never known anything else but DH was a bit taken a back when he first met her. At that time it was The Walking Dead which she was obsessed with.

You just need to be firm and I normally go with “I love you but I can’t take any more (current obsession) right now”. Also I do try and give her space to talk about it and broaden her interest, when my sister was into TWD I went to see some zombie movies with her which I actually really enjoyed (the one Martin Freeman is really good). Maybe you could try this, like watching something else with the actor in that appeals to you both? Only if you’re up for that obviously you’re well within your rights to just tell her she’s annoying you, but this is what I’ve found works with my sister and it’s actually a nice way to connect.

Haha I adore my sil but she must watch every single tv programme going and will tell me in rather minute detail about the characters, the actors, the time period something is set in, whether or not she thinks the costumes are realistic for the times, the plots, what each persons relationship is to another character… I mostly let her chat herself out and then move the conversation on to something we can both relate to - she knows I don’t watch much telly 😂😂
And yes I still love her to bits - but she has a quirk that I accept is part of who she is! I have quirks too!

I've only recently become aware of these 'special interests' being an ADD type thing. My teenager gets frequent hyperfixations with things, as, it seems, do I. Particularly now as I'm menopausal.
As a teen myself I'd have very intense and obsessive crushes - I never acted on them, just happily looked at pictures of whatever pop star it was, played their music incessantly and bought any magazine that had anything about them in.
Right now, I can see in some ways, I have never fully moved away from those types of interest, but I'm able to better regulate it.

It's very odd, hearing my teenager talking about their latest obsession but being vehemently opposed to hearing anything about things I'm particularly interested in. I only recently realised that we're like peas in a pod with this.

@packratandproud I'm so glad you said that because I could not for the life of me work out what was so special about that scene! Friend was amazed by it and I was like, this is just some people dancing in a nightclub.

I’d remind yourself you love her and want to enjoy her company for years to come… and continue to push back.

Apart from anything else, a lot of people seem to lose the concept of conversation as they age. It becomes a monologue, and extremely self centred. I’m getting royally cheesed off with people who do not do the two way mutuality of conversation in favour of talking at you. Some of them are ND and I don’t mind at all as they are showing they want to connect with me. I can usually get a few qs in and find out things I am interested in about them.

What’s with those older relatives who talk endlessly about everyone and their dog, but can’t stop talking to learn about their own family members?

Is this a you rather than her issue?

I just wonder as my capcity for such talk was lower in my 40s than prior - mainly as I had older relatives doing long meandering stories about people I didn't know and had never met - and teens with zero interest in me or my life but expecting lots in theirs - fair enough - but did mean my ablity to cope with additional people's random facts and obsessions was erroded and I found myself much more irritated then usual.

it's not the obsessive chat so much - like I say I can distract - its the cringe teenage mega fan style chat

Ha yep that was my guess too!

So it's just where her attention is and how she expresses that.

MIl did go like that round that irish singer in her 40s - getting silly and having posters etc and out nightclubbing with work mates - in her case she was and can still be keen to be seen as "young" and seems to have felt she missed out a lot of fun things as she was a very young mum. Everyone sort of smiled nodded and few years later it all passed then few years after that she was upsetting and boring her mates with GC stories and holiday stories.

Embarrassingly, I go through phases like this. And I think I may have overshared ... on occasion.

And yet I've shut my poor mother down immediately if she starts telling me anything about her soaps. I think an apology is in order.

I’m ASD and I do this, depending on what my current obsession is. But I am also aware that I bore people so try to rein it in a bit. I have family who will roll their eyes when I start. It can be a bit hurtful but I do get it. I think it’s only in the last ten years I’ve been self aware and I’m 62 now!

I honestly do find it weird and appropriative when women are super overinvested in gay male love stories. Not always, but that does seem to be the dynamic HR is going for.

I can imagine it's annoying OP!

But not that uncommon. I consider myself a relatively sane, professional woman in my 40s. My teenage daughter and I have a show we really like, and we discuss the characters in a similar way.

And, now that I think about it, my mom and I have a couple of soap operas we follow, and our discussions about the characters in these are similar - in fact I sent her a couple of messages this morning saying similar, having watched tonight's episodes on ITVX as soon as I got up!

Your friend's only mistake (if it can even be called that) is in involving you in her chat when you don't share her interest.

Is there a thread about the show on here, for example? If so, maybe you could point her in the direction of it?

It's a fun, escapist thing to discuss characters in a show you enjoy with other fans - it may seem a bit childish but there is no harm in it, and it could be a good way for her to distract herself from stuff she is dealing with in real life.

BUT, that doesn't mean to say you have to humour her endlessly.

I think a kind thing to do might be to find and recommend somewhere online she could join discussions with other fans of the show?

She's just enjoying the show, OP. I'd find this a bit silly too, but it'll pass, try and indulge her. We all have to find our fun where we can in life.

I must be old as I’ve only vaguely heard of Heated Rivalry and Youngblud. (I’m in my 50s). More of a Traitors fan myself but I def don’t endlessly talk about it.
Anyway, I think when we have a b close friendship we almost feel like they’re family so their foibles can annoy us. I sometimes vent to DH about my good friend who can really be irritating sometimes. We have known each other for 40 years etc.
TBh I do sometimes switch off and maybe you need to do that too and/or change the subject.

Can’t imagine the thread you start about not much loved friends!

I’m AuDHD. I can have a bit of tendency to be boring about special interests, but I work hard to conceal it and I don’t think I’m too boring.

Menopause makes it worse.

Stress makes it worse.

Both and it’s off the scale. I really can’t help it and it makes me cringe later.

Midlife crisis. Could be worse.

Not to panic anyone, but it was my Aunty’s first sign of dementia. She started obsessing over a singer, watching all his videos, talking about him like she knew him - then going to the pub to “meet” him, referring to him as her boyfriend.

She lost all language capability and died within four years, and we very much wish we’d taken those early signs more seriously.

we've been over this- you can love someone and want to vent

This definitely resonates with the stress - and the menopause

I have no doubt that I do something that pees her off too- and she vents to her Mum and sister about it - in fact i hope she does