Would this annoy you?

[Aammee]

Went on a first date with a guy and he was really kind and I fancy him a lot. Had a really good night.

However, a woman he knows well already came over to talk a few times, I didn’t mind this it was clearly friendly as far as I was concerned. She was pleasant and we spoke a little. But then she let her child come up to us for a long time when it felt clear it was a first date?

The child was lovely though and I really didn’t mind at all, and we were talking etc so possibly she thought to leave it?

It’s wasn’t a problem to me really as I work with children so used to it. But I wondered what you all think about it? AIBU to feel like she should’ve noticed it was a first date…and left him alone.

Where was the date?

Very rude. Maybe she didn't know it was a date and you were friends.

I don’t want to say incase she’s on here, paranoid i know.

No that’s so rude, she must have known it was rude!

you have not said she knew it was a first date - just you think she should have known it was. I think the environment is important and also how they are known to him - I wouldn’t let my child interrupt someone’s dinner but guess it depends what kind of relationship they have.

I’m guessing she wasn’t aware it was a first date or else you gave the impression of being happy with the situation.

I thought so too! The amount of time the child was with us she must’ve known she was missing. At least you’d hope!

Even so, would you let your child go over to your friend and a stranger without a line of sight for a while?

I think I could’ve definitely given that impression, but it’s not like i’m going to be angry at a child is it?

I don’t have children but I couldn’t imagine thinking it’s okay really.

Part of me feels like she was making a point to talk to him. But it also was only friendly chat she wasn’t flirtatious at all to be honest.

Right, ok. I was going to suggest that a restaurant is one thing but a village pub full of families/locals eating a Sunday roast, where he goes every week, is another. Never mind.

Yes she was rude, but your date could have done something about the situation if he’d wanted to.

Depends how old the child is, where you are, how well the family knows your date, what her parenting approach is.

Why are you so annoyed - as in, what is the actual impact on you of this portion of the evening being taken up in an unexpected way?

Um, what? Tell the child to go away and risk looking like a grumpy child-hater? I actually feel a bit sorry for the poor guy.

The mother was very cheeky and a bit dim IMO. Even if she didn't know it was a first date what sort of entitled parent thinks it's OK to let their DC mither other people having a night out rather than keeping an eye on them themselves.

I mentioned in my post I wasn’t that bothered about the child coming up to me, what I wanted perspective on is whether mum should’ve allowed it or not.

Child was early primary school age. Sorry I don’t want to be outing.

If you werent bothered and nor was your date then id guess the mum.picked up on the fact and assumed if it was an issue someone would have said.

I’d be irritated by this in the moment, but I’d get over it pretty quickly.
The mum shouldn’t have allowed it, but at the same time if she saw your date happily chatting away to her child, she probably assumed it wasn’t a problem for you. A quick chat with the child and then a kindly spoken “right are you going back to mummy now?” should’ve worked.

I find it a strange coincidence that this old ‘friend’ and child just happened to be in the exact same place at the same time as you were there. Ok, coincidences happen, but the ‘normal’ response then is for the person to say a quick hello then leave their friend (your date) alone as he’s clearly with someone. Barging in on a friend’s outing is just plain rude. Unless, of course, for some reason best known to himself, your date wanted them there to dilute a first date? Has there been any talk of a second date?

Yeah seeing him again this weekend. He seemed surprised to see her when she came over. Men lie though don’t they, so who knows.

To me it seemed like the child was hindering her night out as she was there with her friends so pulled a fast one leaving DC with us.

Child was too young for that to have worked. Really lovely and bright but children don’t understand social cues! I said ‘Your mum will be wondering where you are!’ and DC said ‘She doesn’t mind!’.

Of course I was happily chatting to a child, I’m hardly going to be cold towards them am I, it’s not their fault and it wasn’t a huge deal.

It just felt like the woman may have done it on purpose. Just wanted perspective on whether other mums would do this, as I dont have children of my own.

You don’t need to be defensive, I’m not saying you had to be cold towards them, I’m just trying to answer your question and explain that if the mum saw you happily chatting away, she will have assumed you don’t mind talking to her child.

Yes that would annoy me!

Sounds like she shouldn’t have had her child with her in the first place if she wanted to enjoy a night out with friends.

Where am I being defensive? I’m just replying to you?

Surely anyone would chat to a child who came up to you though? You’d have to be pretty harsh not to. So personally I don’t think it means much that she saw me engaging.

Especially if mum isn’t watching them you’re forced to, as I didn’t want DC to wander away somewhere else in a busy environment with people drinking etc. She definitely didn’t have a line of sight as she was across the other end of the venue. So I had to take on the responsibility of watching her child. Date is a bloke so obviously doesn’t share the same worries a woman has so wasn’t watching the DC and was disinterested after the first 5 mins of them being there.

Sorry if this reply is defensive too..?

I wondered why her friends didn’t pull her up on it too, one of them did look quite embarrassed when she caught my eye walking past.

Yes, that would annoy me. She sounds like one of those parents who thinks everyone else finds their child as charming as they do.

It wouldn't have to be a first date to annoy me, either! It would annoy me if I was on my 50th date and I had to have long conversations with some random child I'd never met before.