Would this annoy you?

[Aammee]

Went on a first date with a guy and he was really kind and I fancy him a lot. Had a really good night.

However, a woman he knows well already came over to talk a few times, I didn’t mind this it was clearly friendly as far as I was concerned. She was pleasant and we spoke a little. But then she let her child come up to us for a long time when it felt clear it was a first date?

The child was lovely though and I really didn’t mind at all, and we were talking etc so possibly she thought to leave it?

It’s wasn’t a problem to me really as I work with children so used to it. But I wondered what you all think about it? AIBU to feel like she should’ve noticed it was a first date…and left him alone.

I can't believe both of you put up with this child at your table for half an hour!! That's madness. And saying it was your responsibility they didn't wander off etc, no it wasn't! It was the Mum's.

Also, please read all replies. You clearly haven’t.

I was hoping Date would as it wasn’t my place to. I didn’t know the child.

Don’t think it was escape route as we already had something planned for afterward.

Looking back, you’re definitely right and I think there was some jealousy there and the child was being used intentionally.

He didn’t need to tell her to go away or look like a grumpy child hater.

He could have (and should have) taken her back to her mother and told her (the mother) that he was enjoying someone’s else’s company and could she keep the child from mythering. Obviously he could have been politer than that about it but, yeah, he should have done something.

OP, may I ask, are you annoyed with your date also?

I don’t think this was necessarily rude. I have a young child and often when we are in a cafe or pub and see someone we know, they will often go and chat to them. I’ve always popped over and said ‘sorry, I’ll take them away’ in the first instance, but all have said not to worry and chatted, so they know on future occasions they can just send them back.

I don’t know how she would have known you were on a date. He should have said when she came over, ‘lovely to see you, but I’m actually on a date at the moment!’ I don’t think the lady was in the wrong at all as he’s a mate and usually this behaviour would be ok, and she didn’t know it was a date. I think it was up to him to say something.

Also, it doesn’t sound like she has feelings for her friend (why is this always the assumption, the women I know aren’t raging nymphos who want to shag every man who talks to them!). She has a young child and more than likely a partner, so why would she be interested, she certainly hasn’t given off that impression.

Yes, I’ve decided not to go on a second date now as this was handled so poorly.

If she had a nefarious motivation I'd say it's more likely she's friends with his ex and sabotaging him rather than wanting him for herself. If you were jealous you wouldn't send your child over.

I think it's incredibly rude to let your child interact with other people for more than 5 mins. Particularly if they're strangers- different if they've a relationship with the child.

If they were such good friends why wouldn’t she be happy for him to be seeing another woman and leave him to it instead of keep coming over? I wouldn’t do this to one of my friends as I’d worry I was embarassing them.

There is no partner. He told me this. Probably why she is struggling for childcare.

Someone’s child coming up looking for notice when I was on a date would annoy me yes

Half an hour?? I find that hilarious. I would have told your date that it wasn't what you had in mind and left earlier.

I'd just chalk it up to first date nerves on his part that he didn't take her back, perhaps he didn't want to seem mean.

Have your second date and make the decision about him. Who knows it could become hilarious first date disaster story when you have been together 20 plus years

Like I said, I can’t see why she sounds unhappy about it. In my group of friends it’s quite normal for our children to chat to adults they know when out. Usually if the adult doesn’t want to chat, they send them back, or say to the adult in charge, ‘sorry, in the middle of a date/business meeting/catch up with a friend’.

I’m married, but I often take my child to catch up with friends and they do the same. To me what she did would be a very normal thing in our friendship group. I think your date was in the wrong here, he should have spoken up and told her he was on a date - how was she supposed to know that?!!

I wouldn’t have let my DS do that - even if you are chatting away to a child (because you aren’t a sick) the parents know you would be done with the conversation.

Fair enough! I would really try not to focus on this lady though or get wound up about her intentions. The kid thing is obviously annoying I dont think that needs specifying. Also to reply to your other quote reply to me here, I did read through all the replies at the time of posting. Have done so again now and dont see anything which would change the context of what I said.

I just thought the “I’m hardly going to be cold towards them am I?” sounded a bit defensive, but maybe I misinterpreted.
Yes I’m not saying you shouldn’t have chatted to the child, just trying to explain that you chatting to the child may have given the mum a signal that it wasn’t a problem for you. Even if this isn’t the case. Perhaps she just misread it.

I think that it’s your date who should have sorted this. Not your problem but he has shown he isn’t good at reading the room!

@Aammee it’s a shame to cancel the second date if this was one of those really awkward social situations that blindsided him & he didn’t know what to do for the best.
Lightly say ‘don’t mention where we’re going to X, we don’t want a repeat of last time!’ and see how date 2 goes!

I suppose that depends on where you live. In the town where I am there's loads of pubs and restaurants. And you are VERY likely to bump into someone you know while you are out

There are around 8 million Mumsnet users, with 700,000 posts each month, and 25,000 posts every day and you think that the mother of the child concerned is going to notice your thread and recognise you? 🤣🤣

Blimey, poor guy, how did you word your message to him that there wouldn't be a second date because he didnt adequately deal with a kid in a pub.