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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this annoy you?

72 replies

Aammee · 01/02/2026 22:26

Went on a first date with a guy and he was really kind and I fancy him a lot. Had a really good night.

However, a woman he knows well already came over to talk a few times, I didn’t mind this it was clearly friendly as far as I was concerned. She was pleasant and we spoke a little. But then she let her child come up to us for a long time when it felt clear it was a first date?

The child was lovely though and I really didn’t mind at all, and we were talking etc so possibly she thought to leave it?

It’s wasn’t a problem to me really as I work with children so used to it. But I wondered what you all think about it? AIBU to feel like she should’ve noticed it was a first date…and left him alone.

OP posts:
Aquarius91 · 02/02/2026 10:12

Of course it was annoying, but really easy to solve. I’d have briefly chatted to the child and then gone “Ok it’s time for you to go back to your own table now as we’re having grown up chats, goodbye.” If she ignored you, hold her hand and walk her over. That’s how you deal with children this age. It isn’t cold or callous??

noidea69 · 02/02/2026 10:14

Walkacrossthesand · 02/02/2026 08:22

I find it a strange coincidence that this old ‘friend’ and child just happened to be in the exact same place at the same time as you were there. Ok, coincidences happen, but the ‘normal’ response then is for the person to say a quick hello then leave their friend (your date) alone as he’s clearly with someone. Barging in on a friend’s outing is just plain rude. Unless, of course, for some reason best known to himself, your date wanted them there to dilute a first date? Has there been any talk of a second date?

Some good mental gymnastics there to blame the bloke for it.

Really rude of the person, nothing wrong with saying hello, but get a grip of your kid.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2026 10:17

People just don’t pull people up on things in my experience @Aammee

I think another time you should be more assertive (nicely) and said what a pp suggested “time for you to go back to your own table now as we’ve having a grown up chat”.

Or one of you could have got up and walked her back - ideally your bloke as he could have explained quietly to his friend he was on a date!

BauhausOfEliott · 02/02/2026 10:21

Aquarius91 · 02/02/2026 10:12

Of course it was annoying, but really easy to solve. I’d have briefly chatted to the child and then gone “Ok it’s time for you to go back to your own table now as we’re having grown up chats, goodbye.” If she ignored you, hold her hand and walk her over. That’s how you deal with children this age. It isn’t cold or callous??

I think that would be easy enough in most situations but less so on a first date, when your date knows the child and you don't.

Original poster
Aammee · 02/02/2026 10:31

Aquarius91 · 02/02/2026 10:12

Of course it was annoying, but really easy to solve. I’d have briefly chatted to the child and then gone “Ok it’s time for you to go back to your own table now as we’re having grown up chats, goodbye.” If she ignored you, hold her hand and walk her over. That’s how you deal with children this age. It isn’t cold or callous??

I suppose I should’ve done that looking back. I just felt extremely awkward about it all. I feel like walking DC back to mum would’ve been overly assertive? I think date felt the same as he looked annoyed when he was looking around for mum to quietly gesture for her to come and get DC, but she was with her friends conveniently out of sight from our table.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aammee · 02/02/2026 10:32

BauhausOfEliott · 02/02/2026 10:21

I think that would be easy enough in most situations but less so on a first date, when your date knows the child and you don't.

Show quote history

Yeah, It’s not really something I felt like I could do.

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 02/02/2026 10:35

the mum sounds annoying, allowing her girl to disturb you so often, some people just dont know how to parent

gannett · 02/02/2026 10:37

Yes, it would have annoyed me, but it's not hard to solve, is it? I'd have probably just said to the guy "do you think we should take her back to her mum now" - seems like he would've agreed - and then done so together. I guess you both didn't say anything because you both felt awkward about potentially seeming like a child-hating grinch? But if something small annoys you, you need to just get over that awkwardness.

I don't think parents should leave their children hanging out with other adults unless previously agreed - regardless of whether it's a first date or not - but it's not exactly unusual for some parents to do it. The child just gets walked back over, no big deal.

EleanorReally · 02/02/2026 10:37

i dont think it was up to you or the guy to solve the child pestering.

Dollymylove · 02/02/2026 10:39

Ynbu. Who wants a kid, however cute, hanging around when you're trying to have a date?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 02/02/2026 10:42

Aammee · 01/02/2026 23:15

Child was early primary school age. Sorry I don’t want to be outing.

Show quote history

How can you be "outing" when there are millions of children who would fit this demographic?

Original poster
Aammee · 02/02/2026 10:46

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 02/02/2026 10:42

How can you be "outing" when there are millions of children who would fit this demographic?

Show quote history

If I mention specific age and mum was on here I’m sure she’d be able to figure it out!

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 02/02/2026 10:47

How long did the child stay at your table for?

MidWayThruJanuary · 02/02/2026 10:49

So neither of you took any action to bring the child back to her mother?
Are you normally a martyr?

Starlight1979 · 02/02/2026 10:54

Aammee · 02/02/2026 10:46

If I mention specific age and mum was on here I’m sure she’d be able to figure it out!

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If the mum was on here then she would most likely recognise herself / her child just from the scenario. I don't think saying the child was 5 years old or that it was in a pub / restaurant is going to make the blindest bit of difference.

Also, even if on the off chance that she is on here and sees this, so what?

Original poster
Aammee · 02/02/2026 11:02

Tink3rbell30 · 02/02/2026 10:47

How long did the child stay at your table for?

About half an hour give or take, but this is after already coming over a couple of times for short amounts (I didn’t mind this, as this would be normal.)

And this was after I’d already dealt with mum taking to him for about 20 minutes while making it hard for me to join the conversation. When she left she said a smarmy ‘Nice to meet you’. I was the one entertaining her ignored DC while she came up with inane things to talk to him about so she could keep his attention. He kept turning away to signal he wanted to carry on with the date and she’d come up with something else. She came up at least 2 times with the child before we had her left unsupervised for the long period.

Date looked uncomfortable with it all but part of me thinks is more going on here?

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 02/02/2026 11:07

Aammee · 02/02/2026 11:02

About half an hour give or take, but this is after already coming over a couple of times for short amounts (I didn’t mind this, as this would be normal.)

And this was after I’d already dealt with mum taking to him for about 20 minutes while making it hard for me to join the conversation. When she left she said a smarmy ‘Nice to meet you’. I was the one entertaining her ignored DC while she came up with inane things to talk to him about so she could keep his attention. He kept turning away to signal he wanted to carry on with the date and she’d come up with something else. She came up at least 2 times with the child before we had her left unsupervised for the long period.

Date looked uncomfortable with it all but part of me thinks is more going on here?

Show quote history

Wow that's a long time. Not appropriate at all and seems intentional. I see why you felt awkward about moving the child back to her table but I thought after that amount of time your date would have moved her? As it was eating into your dating time.

noidea69 · 02/02/2026 11:11

Aammee · 02/02/2026 11:02

About half an hour give or take, but this is after already coming over a couple of times for short amounts (I didn’t mind this, as this would be normal.)

And this was after I’d already dealt with mum taking to him for about 20 minutes while making it hard for me to join the conversation. When she left she said a smarmy ‘Nice to meet you’. I was the one entertaining her ignored DC while she came up with inane things to talk to him about so she could keep his attention. He kept turning away to signal he wanted to carry on with the date and she’d come up with something else. She came up at least 2 times with the child before we had her left unsupervised for the long period.

Date looked uncomfortable with it all but part of me thinks is more going on here?

Show quote history

I'm going to stand up for your date here. He 100% did not want the kid there (especially for 30mins that's insane).

But he's also thinking "if i get rid of the kid, is she going to think i'm a twat who hates kids" or "if i say to the mum come on get your kid, is she going to think i'm a misogynist calling her a bad mum".

I think in the situation he was very much stuck with what to do.

It is 100% the mum of kid who is to blame here.

kαλοκαλοκαιρι · 02/02/2026 11:12

In your first post you said the woman was clearly friendly as far as you were concerned, you didn’t mind her interruption, she was pleasant and you spoke a little. Now she’s smarmy, deliberately excluding you from the conversation, deliberately finding inane ways to prolong it, and you’re suspecting ulterior motives. What changed since posting? Most of the replies have indicated that her leaving the kid is irresponsible and annoying but I havent seen anyone pushing you towards the idea that there was any ulterior motive towards the dude which you seem to be implying now?

Aquarius91 · 02/02/2026 11:12

Aammee · 02/02/2026 10:31

I suppose I should’ve done that looking back. I just felt extremely awkward about it all. I feel like walking DC back to mum would’ve been overly assertive? I think date felt the same as he looked annoyed when he was looking around for mum to quietly gesture for her to come and get DC, but she was with her friends conveniently out of sight from our table.

Show quote history

Maybe it’s a personality thing then, as I’d have no qualms in doing this. If my date found it overly assertive then he’s not the one for me.

Oakbud · 02/02/2026 11:16

Half an hour...wow. yeah sorry I think your date should have returned her to her mum and said you were trying to talk.

Ilovepastafortea · 02/02/2026 11:16

I think I'd have chatted to the child for a short-time, then kindly, but firmly said something like 'it's been lovely chatting, but we have some grown-up things to talk about now, off you go back to your mummy. bye!' If DC had objected, I'd just repeat about grown-up things to talk now & say goodbye again. I'd also expect my date (who presumably knows the child fairly well if he's good friends with the mother) to back me up.

As PP said, I suspect that your date had her lined up in case he wanted an escape route.

I'm also wondering if the mother would like to be more than 'good friends' (or has been more than 'good friends' in the past) & was deliberately trying to disrupt your date.

Disturbia81 · 02/02/2026 11:16

I get you OP, I love talking to kids but if I saw my child do this I’d let them say hi and a quick exchange but then tell them to leave them alone. It’s really socially unaware
Though I know it’s more common in some European cultures to have kids around all the time

Original poster
Aammee · 02/02/2026 11:23

kαλοκαλοκαιρι · 02/02/2026 11:12

In your first post you said the woman was clearly friendly as far as you were concerned, you didn’t mind her interruption, she was pleasant and you spoke a little. Now she’s smarmy, deliberately excluding you from the conversation, deliberately finding inane ways to prolong it, and you’re suspecting ulterior motives. What changed since posting? Most of the replies have indicated that her leaving the kid is irresponsible and annoying but I havent seen anyone pushing you towards the idea that there was any ulterior motive towards the dude which you seem to be implying now?

What has changed since posting is I’ve gotten more pissed off about it as I have sat and thought about it all. And it’s been confirmed to me that the mother was being rude.

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 02/02/2026 11:24

its the MN effect @Aammee

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