How would you split this cost?

[FunnyOrca]

My grandmother is turning 100 (hopefully 🤞) and the family want to mark the occasion. Obviously Grandma won’t be paying; it’s a surprise. The plan seems to be a country house hotel function room with catering. Some people will need to stay over.

The trouble is historically, her eldest son has paid for everything (80th, 90th, family holidays, days out when kids were younger, meals out etc.). Due to the nature of the grandchildren growing up, this will be the first time the whole family will be together since her 90th and nearly all of the great-grandchildren have never been included before. Her son is now retired and is being out-earned by at least two of the grandchildren. “His side” of the family is also smaller. I don’t think he should pay and he has said as much. How would you split it?

Son and spouse (accommodation)

Grandchild, spouse and baby (accommodation)

Grandchild and baby (accommodation) (on a budget)

Daughter and spouse (on a budget)

Grandchild and 2 teenagers (on a budget)

Grandchild, spouse and 6 children (11-2)

Grandchild, spouse and baby (accommodation)

Grandchild and partner (accommodation) (no idea of financials)

I’d split the room hire (event) cost by adult, cost per head for the meal per adult and children’s food paid for by the child’s parents. Cost of Granny’s dinner split equally between adults.
If people want to stay that’s on them.

Everyone pays for their own usage and split the cost for eldest son and birthday girl pay to celebrate her and to thank him for his incredible generosity?
theres not actually any family members who don’t think they should pay and he should?

And the grandchild with spouse and 6 dc should be paying waaay more than the couples or family with 1 or 2 dc!

I’d probably split it per family, not per adult, but otherwise this.

Everyone pays their own way and chip in for gran is what we would do. If i was on a budget I would probably not bring my own children to save on costs.

If I was the well off son or grandchild I might offer to pay for grandma rather than split between everyone.

I don't actually understand how you've broken it down.
So there's accommodation to be paid for for some, and a meal for all, is that right?
Everyone pays for their own accommodation and that of their non-earning children. The meal cost is either each pay for own and children's plus divide Granny's, or divide bill between earners.

This, @FunnyOrca is it that some of the group are saying the whole cost should be split by adults? So those with no or 1
dc will be paying the costs for the one with 6 dc?

Like @TaylorNotSoSwift. Broadly split by adult apart from GM. Children paid at cost by their parents before the remaining bill is split by adults. Some families might absorb their cost into the general bill, but a family with 6 children this is less likely.

Fairly low level of alcohol included in the package, with a pay bar available.

If anyone offers to bung a bit more in because they can afford it & it'll help others out, then great.

All the families pay for their own food/meals and accommodation. So if a family wants 3 rooms, they pay for 3 rooms - and so on.

Every family - children and grandchildren - split your grandmother's costs.

Oh yes I would just leave accommodation costs for each family to book and sort for themselves. Lead booker should ask about a special room rate for function attendees before anyone books.

All the adults split the price for the room and catering not including Granny....
If it is not buffet style and it is per head than the people pay for their own families meals including their own childrens meals...

Whoever needs a room pays for it themselves

Does the family expect one person to pay for everything including people's hotel rooms?
Surely not?!?

Everyone pays for themselves and their dependant children. Granny’s cost is split amongst other adults.

Everyone pays their own accommodation. Is GM staying? If yes, that should be split by her children.

I agree with this option. It's fair and acknowledges the historic generosity of the eldest son.

Adult children/grandchildren split the cost of the function room and the buffet/catering between them.
If it is individual meals, each adult pays for their own and their own family unit

Whoever wants accommodation pays that separately, just as they would if going away separate to the event

Sorry, I was not clear enough. It’s per head (over 2 years old) for drinks, canapés and meal. There are 23 people (excluding babies), my bother is that over a third are being brought by one grandchild, who (apologies for the drip feed) all the other grandchildren dislike.

Would you still split by head and each family pays for their heads? (Plus divide grandma?)

Also, yes the daughter is expecting the son to foot the whole bill.

Accommodation will be fine among those needing it to pay for themselves, I was more pointing it out to show some people are already shouldering more cost just to turn up.

Accommodation - each group pays their own

shared costs - divide among all adults

I would split the cost of party/catering per head. If anyone can’t afford it, then they need to speak up, but I wouldn’t assume a retiree is in a worse off position than a 25 year old.

Accommodation split by room by those who need it.

I would split the whole grandma meal by per person, yes even the two year olds plus. That way , everyone has a clear understanding of what to pay and what they can afford. It may seem unfair on the ones that have tiny kids that won’t each much…but it’s a starting and fair point to start on. That way if any grandma/aunt/ uncle wants to help out “ their side of the family” at least you know individually per head what it would cost. It will also help family members weigh up if they want to come/bring the kids/pay for the kids etc

we had years of paying stuff as a family of four , when others in the family may have only paid for two as an example. That’s just what happens in a big family. We’re now a couple paying for two and our kids are paying for their family of four…it just the way of the world. Albeit as I’ve said you might get an uncle or grandad in the family who may pay “for his side “….my husband often pays for our adult kids and grandchildren’s fee per head in cases like this. But breaking it down per person including everyone “eligible “ to pay makes it fair and clear.

with regards to anything else, like accommodation etc let everyone sort out their own

Everyone pays per head and then granny's cost split amongst the adults. The GC with 6 kids presumably knew that 6 kids cost a lot of money when he planned them

the cost per head makes it really simple. Everyone pays for their own. Then it’s completely fair. The cost for GM is split between all the heads. It shouldn’t be down for one person to pay for it. People who expect him to are completely CFs.

I was more pointing it out to show some people are already shouldering more cost just to turn up.

But people’s choices about how many children they have etc., are their choices. Each family needs to pay for their own DC and adults, plus an equal share of their mother/grandmother’s costs.

I was more pointing it out to show some people are already shouldering more cost just to turn up.
people would only be shouldering more costs if the family of 3 paid the same as the family of 6? Is that what you mean the family of 6 don’t want to pay for their own food, they want other people to fund them @FunnyOrca ?

Is suggest this too

If the cost is per head then everyone pays what they cost, it's the easiest one ever, you know exactly what each family costs. Split nan between all families, job done.