How would you split this cost?

[FunnyOrca]

My grandmother is turning 100 (hopefully 🤞) and the family want to mark the occasion. Obviously Grandma won’t be paying; it’s a surprise. The plan seems to be a country house hotel function room with catering. Some people will need to stay over.

The trouble is historically, her eldest son has paid for everything (80th, 90th, family holidays, days out when kids were younger, meals out etc.). Due to the nature of the grandchildren growing up, this will be the first time the whole family will be together since her 90th and nearly all of the great-grandchildren have never been included before. Her son is now retired and is being out-earned by at least two of the grandchildren. “His side” of the family is also smaller. I don’t think he should pay and he has said as much. How would you split it?

Son and spouse (accommodation)

Grandchild, spouse and baby (accommodation)

Grandchild and baby (accommodation) (on a budget)

Daughter and spouse (on a budget)

Grandchild and 2 teenagers (on a budget)

Grandchild, spouse and 6 children (11-2)

Grandchild, spouse and baby (accommodation)

Grandchild and partner (accommodation) (no idea of financials)

Everyone pays for themselves and equally split the cost for the birthday lady

Although assuming a retiree is somehow in a worse financial position that a young person with a family is abit 🤔 certainly in my circles it's the opposite way round.

Cost of meals is split by family so the family if 6 kids pay for 8 or 2 x adult 6 x child if kids meals are cheaper. Drink paid for at the bar by each family

cost of grandma and perhaps whatever you use to toast if you do split between each family so 8 families. Accommodation paid for by whoever uses it

People book their own accommodation if they want.
Meal - per head as it was cited by hotel.
Grandma room and accommodation paid for by others. Cost divided between 8 families.
if there are any extra costs - e.g decorations, cake etc they are divided between 8 families.

In my experience it’s better to divide fairly and equally and then if someone struggles people can help each other privately.
E.g my mum would give me money to help with costs in this situation but it’s nothing to do with my cousin so my cousin wouldn’t be involved.

Also minimal amount of alcohol provided plus bar available where people can buy some.

“The cost is £x per head for anyone aged 2-100, please confirm who is attending by sending payment asap to my bank account”

If everyone over age 2 is charged then everyone should pay for each person in their group.

Ok, after your update if I understand correctly, children from age 2-11 are charged full price. That is quite unusual.

If so I understand your unease and I'm inclined to agree with you. Someone has chosen this venue, when there must be plenty of others that charge less for children. Maybe this is not the venue anyone would have chosen if there had not been incorrect assumptions made about who would pay.

As a general principle under the circumstances, I think it would be reasonable to create a "children's rate" , maybe count the big family's children as 3 or 4 heads rather than 6.

I hope the daughter has been firmly put right that it would be unreasonable for her brother to keep covering the whole thing. It was lovely when he could but it should never be an expectation or taken for granted.

The difficulty is that the son has set a precedent by paying previously and now it is expected by some. I would split per head, it’s not fair that people with fewer children pay the same as the family of 6. They should expect to pay more. Everyone pays their own accommodation costs. Grandma is covered by her children and grandchildren equally.

Everyone pays their own way, except granny who you split between the adults

It sounds like a bit of a dear do if accommodation for quite large families is involved and the catering is full price for children. I think if we’d had a big milestone do for one of our parents my sister and I would probably have split it, but not accommodation. When we shared a holiday house we worked it out on the basis of half price for kids and each family paid their own share.

Yes, the family with 6 children will not have to part for accommodation as they can go home at the end of the evening. Others will have to pay for accommodation and unless we split per head, could end up subsidising the brood too.

Accommodation - split between each family needing it.

Meal -
‘Adult’ = adult = teens = 2 children (under 12)

Split meal equally per ‘adult’ (see above)

Accommodation is paid by those using it. (Paid individually but as a pp mention check if the hotel does a deal if using catering/hall).

Hire of the hall/catering should be split among those using it, obviously not DG.
Could do it as a ratio . Obviously all adults pay towards, those with kids pay accordingly, if they have 6 they will significantly more than those with 0 or 1 ( like having a normal meal out, if all 6 kids eat then uou pay their bill!)

The most crucial thing is for everything to be crystal clear and that people are told what’s happening as soon as possible. I’d also get the money paid in advance if possible .

So son has 2 children and associated families (including 2 babies, no children), daughter has 4 children and associated families (including 1 baby and 8 children). There’s a massive discrepancy in the numbers from daughters family and sons family. I think the fairest way is simply to divide per paying head, and charge the actual cost for each family (of which there are 8) and split cost of grandma. If daughter expects son to pay for her family of 17, when he has a family of 5 (excl the free babies) she’s clearly a CF and needs telling.

I would pay our accommodation and meals. And a split part of the cost for granny. Job done.

Would you still split by head and each family pays for their heads? (Plus divide grandma?)

Yes.

Split cost of food by 14 (all the adults) include grandmas. Accomodation cost to be met by whoever is staying.

Who chose the venue? Daughter and her dc and dgc given its close enough to home for them? And as they are ones pushing to have others pay for them? They absolutely have so won the mn cf crown this year!! 👑

This.

If you have 8 people to pay for in your group then that’s on you. I wouldn’t ever expect other people to suck up the cost of paying for my kids.

To me, the party is the room hire and the food. So everyone should pay for their accomodation if they need it, and they also have the choice to find somewhere cheaper.

I find it a ridiculous that a 2yo (or any child under 6-7) is expected to pay the same as an adult, so I wouldn't pick that venue. Unless we're talking £10 per head, it's making things difficult for the parents.

For a family event like this, my family would be splitting the cost per adults or families, essentially subsidising the kids.

The point is to enable everyone to come according to their means, if that means going somewhere cheaper then so be it.

Sounds like you don’t like the family with 6 kids so are happy to “punish” them / the dislike is making you think unreasonably

if someone didn’t want to stay over , an overnight drive back home is always an option

Ask chat gpt

-each family pay for their own accommodation.
-party gets split between the grandchildren.
how much are the grandchildren earning?
What parties did the son pay for in the past? Was it just a buffet in a hall type thing?

In the nicest way, I know you want it to be a surprise, but for some 100 year olds this would be so overwhelming and exhausting for them (esoecially as your first line indicates she may not be in the best of health?)

My grandmother recently turned 95 and we just had a quiet afternoon lunch with 10 adults and she found that quite difficult and after 3-4 hours she was ready to go home because she felt physically and mentally tired.

Obviously I don’t know your grandmother but it might be worth asking her if having such a loud, long, busy abd extravagant event is actually something that she wants or feels up to. The intention of the family is obviously lovely but it does sound a lot for a woman turning 100 to have to go through.

Why does the daughter think the son should pay for everyone?! What a CF!

This has disaster written all over it!

I'd do a buffet lunch somewhere locally-cost shared between the adults and no one staying over!