“Men’s needs”

[Icantevenbegin]

NC for this as it’s controversial, and TW for reference to sex.
I watched this reel yesterday and was horrified by the question asked, by a man, about how the Council was proposing to ensure that 600 men’s “sexual needs” were managed.
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/189rk7Szaa/?mibextid=wwXIfr
I mean, I suppose it was very (to a man) delicately put, but what appalled me was that nobody seemed to be pointing out that the word “needs” indicates a requirement/entitlement for men to have their desires/urges fulfilled by someone else.
I asked my DP if he could see what was wrong with the question, but he couldn’t see past the fact that the man was bringing up a valid point, in that 600 extra men might cause problems in a small town.
He simply couldn’t understand why I was so appalled at the overall casual acceptance of the term “men’s sexual needs” at all.
So, MN, please tell me one way or the other:
YABU - men do have a right to have their “needs” fulfilled
YANBU - they are “urges/desires” and there should not be any rights invoked for these

One council and 600 men? What council and what are the council proposing??

A local council in the UK, a meeting discussing the proposed housing of 600 illegal immigrant men in the locality, the question was asked by one of the people (male) opposing the proposal. People laughed, then clapped. Nobody even said wtf!

Chemical castration, hopefully.

So it was an English man that asked the question??

You wonder what planet some of people are on regardless of nationality.

NAIMALT, but I think it's a valid question overall. 600 single men are not going to be celibate or want to be for long. So where do they seek out their gratification?

I agree with OP though, it's not a need, more a want. And the question was probably posed with the potential issues that might arise from so many men in the one place together.

It's a fact of life. Nothing will change men's desires and consequent actions should they choose that. They are in control, and anyone who doesn't see that every day is wearing blinkers.

I was so angry at the reaction - that’s why I asked DP.

I thought that the idea of conjugal “rights” had been consigned to history when the concept of rape within marriage was recognised as a crime.

That anyone can still think men wanting sex is something they are intrinsically entitled to, makes me extremely depressed.

I don't think it was asked out of sympathy for the poor menz and their unmet needs. I think it was racism veiled as concern for the safety of women locally, because everyone knows that asylum seekers are rapey.

Pls note sarcasm in that last sentence.

Could it just be straight up concern given that they're from the rapeyist places on earth?

Oh come on many men think this regardless of their country of birth or where they live

These men questioning the needs of men possibly coming to live near them don’t care about the current local women and children, they probably wouldn’t even contribute never mind fundraise for a woman’s charity for domestic abuse, they probably think that women who are with the right kind of men should put up with that man’s behaviour and demands. Men have needs after all.

They are full of shit it just makes their egos feel better if their is someone to punch down at.

I am not saying that there are no issues with huge numbers of undocumented men arriving and being housed en masse. There are. But for local men to focus on sexual needs is counterproductive. And feeds into all men having needs that must be accommodated.

He’s implying they are going to rape local women.

he’s not suggesting they have rights.

It seems totally odd to say that. But there is also seemingly so much prejudice against these young men that they don't have any means of approaching woman that wouldn't come off as intimidating or pervy. So I do feel kind of sorry for them if they are literally decent blokes who want a girlfriend.

But that's not to say any man has a 'right' to have sex, just because he wants to. Unless he chooses to use a prostitute. And even then it's not a right, it's a service you're paying for.

This is also my interpretation.

my answer is "meh, i don't care" and "buy them some lube"

I don't know if you've noticed, but UK men are pretty 'rapey' already.

There has been a big fight to try and stop the asylum seekers being brought into the town. Many men when interviewed on TV have expressed concerns for the safety of the woman in this area. I imagine the question was asked in an effort to try and stop the arrival but some have already arrived. Snuck in under cover of the night

There is a massive problem with having an influx of under occupied young men with nothing much to lose moving into an area on mass. If they fuck up, they can head home where their families will be none the wiser. 'What happens in ..., stays in ....' is a fairly common attitude around the world.

Maybe each one could be given a porn mag and a box of tissues?

It was certainly couched in a concerned manner, but my issue was the choice of words “the sexual needs of 600 men”, thus implying that all men’s sexual needs are rightful and recognised, rather than wants and desires (that aren’t theirs to choose to have fulfilled by others, like unwilling women, for example.)
The normalisation of this concept was what horrified me, aside from the obvious racism veiled in concern for women, as a PP pointed out…

Are you buying? Can you just see the headlines in the redtop papers "jazz mags for asylum seekers - and YOU are paying for it".

You are right. Why don't you move there then, make some more space for others who'd prefer to live here.

the question of what to do with a load of bored men concentrated in one place is legit.

But.

This is clearly meant to provoke a reaction. And frankly? local men suddenly worrying about the safety of local women and children, if they have hitherto been untroubled by such thoughts is not helping.

😱

You are correct, it isn’t a need or an entitlement, it paves the way for excusing sexual predators.

I agree op. They’re wants not needs. They won’t die if they don’t have sex. Once you frame it as a ‘need’ and a ‘right’, other people’s (mainly women) rights and needs to not want penises in them, or to be sexually assaulted, frequently get overlooked.

This. I understand your point op but I don’t think ‘sexual needs’ as a phrase is being deployed in the way you suggest. It’s just racist tropes being dressed up in a stupid question.

Not to say though that plenty of men think sex is a need and not a desire. I don’t agree, for both sexes it is a desire and the only way there is a need for sex is if you want to procreate. Nothing wrong with having sexual desire but I agree with your overall point that framing it as a need perpetuates all kind of the problems we have with male sexual behaviour in our society.