“Men’s needs”

[Icantevenbegin]

NC for this as it’s controversial, and TW for reference to sex.
I watched this reel yesterday and was horrified by the question asked, by a man, about how the Council was proposing to ensure that 600 men’s “sexual needs” were managed.
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/189rk7Szaa/?mibextid=wwXIfr
I mean, I suppose it was very (to a man) delicately put, but what appalled me was that nobody seemed to be pointing out that the word “needs” indicates a requirement/entitlement for men to have their desires/urges fulfilled by someone else.
I asked my DP if he could see what was wrong with the question, but he couldn’t see past the fact that the man was bringing up a valid point, in that 600 extra men might cause problems in a small town.
He simply couldn’t understand why I was so appalled at the overall casual acceptance of the term “men’s sexual needs” at all.
So, MN, please tell me one way or the other:
YABU - men do have a right to have their “needs” fulfilled
YANBU - they are “urges/desires” and there should not be any rights invoked for these

And the two words being used together is really not unusual. Here's a page from a randomly googled counselling/therapeutic site for women (pic)

What??

Obviously men coming from countries where women are badly treated should be watched closely. But I hope that's not a serious suggestion- castrate men no matter what they do?

Right, but men aren't animals. Obviously some cultures give women a very low status & that makes men more dangerous but I don't like blanket animal comparisons.

Yep, read the book Demonic Males.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demonic%3Cu%3EMales

Or the one reviewed here :

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2000-07074-000

Too many human males behave like chimps, sadly...

That poor woman. Evil....

I do think the army selects often for more violent & antisocial men to some degree. Soldiers often score higher in DV surveys.

A local council in the UK, a meeting discussing the proposed housing of 600 illegal immigrant men in the locality

Probably not the main point you intended, but - there are 600 men who have entered the UK illegally (did not claim asylum, did not come in legally and overstay) and have either been identified or have given themselves up, and somehow are now being housed and taken care of by a local council rather than being held and deported? Can you explain the circumstances?

But they are. If they weren't women and children wouldn't be getting raped and murdered. Yeah rhey shouldn't behave like animals. And not all of them do. But an uncomfortably high percentage are no better than animals.

Right, but men aren't animals.

This is the fundamental mistake we make. Men ARE animals. Humans ARE animals. To ignore this is to ignore the evolutionary reasons for (and the potential solutions to) male violence.

This is about communicating to your sexual partner what your own needs are in your relationship.

That’s not the same thing as implying a need for sex, full stop.

I agree with you, but someone questioned the actual phrase 'sexual needs' being a valid term. I was just trying to show that it is. But I agree with you.

Completely with you OP. The needs are for food, housing, medical care.

I wonder if the man was trying not to imply that the asylum seekers were more inclined to sexual predatory behaviour than any other men - perhaps he was trying not to imply that they are inherently any different from other men, trying not to come across as racist. 600 men from anywhere all housed together in any smaller community might cause trouble. But in an attempt to not make it sound like he thinks they’re different from any other men, he’s made it sound like the potential behaviour would be justifiable.

Ah ok sorry! With you on that.

The real meaning of that question was "All these men coming in are going to rape our wives and daughters. How do you plan to avoid that?" In other words, it's good old-fashioned racism and xenophobia. No compassion for the dire circumstances these migrants are running from at all.

Presumably if the asker was in a war-torn country he'd be trying his best to immigrate somewhere western, too.

But I think that men in relationships absolutely DO think they are entitled to sex from their partners. Why do you think I'm single?! They might not necessarily expect it on demand, but they do expect it pretty frequently, especially if married. Nothing gets in the way of men and their precious dicks being satisfied.

I agree.

YES!

Why are we housing 600 illegal immigrants? If they're here illegally, should we not be deporting them?

Nobody said WTF, because those 600 men will have the expectation of their needs being met, one way or another. I think you completely missed the point.

I think that’s an oversimplification. I am in favour of a legal pathway for the most vulnerable refugees.

However, I think the current system whereby we prioritise single men who have paid smugglers thousands to travel across continents is bonkers.

It’s also an objective fact that the countries where many of these men come from have really poor records in terms of women’s rights and violence against women.

There is clear potential for issues when hundreds of single men are effectively warehoused in the middle of town centres.

Irony, read the room

This 'just have a wank, then.' In another life, in a galaxy far, far away I worked for a sex chatline. We employed all sorts of women, and we catered for all sorts of men. Our African employees (from many different countries) regaled us with tales of their countrymen's behaviour. The men will not masturbate. It is beneath them to do so. That is why there are women. It is a woman's job to do this for him. An influx of unaccompanied men is absolutely going to be a problem for the host community.

They’re not needs they’re desires. Men have desires and must control them. If they don’t and they hurt someone they go to jail. That is how it works - we don’t prospectively assume people are rapists here.

I don’t think white American men are coming in

Soldiers, prison officers and police - men in these categories present a higher risk to women in their private lives than the average.