“Men’s needs”

[Icantevenbegin]

NC for this as it’s controversial, and TW for reference to sex.
I watched this reel yesterday and was horrified by the question asked, by a man, about how the Council was proposing to ensure that 600 men’s “sexual needs” were managed.
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/189rk7Szaa/?mibextid=wwXIfr
I mean, I suppose it was very (to a man) delicately put, but what appalled me was that nobody seemed to be pointing out that the word “needs” indicates a requirement/entitlement for men to have their desires/urges fulfilled by someone else.
I asked my DP if he could see what was wrong with the question, but he couldn’t see past the fact that the man was bringing up a valid point, in that 600 extra men might cause problems in a small town.
He simply couldn’t understand why I was so appalled at the overall casual acceptance of the term “men’s sexual needs” at all.
So, MN, please tell me one way or the other:
YABU - men do have a right to have their “needs” fulfilled
YANBU - they are “urges/desires” and there should not be any rights invoked for these

Erm.. yes, there is (or, at least, there's a fundamental reason why men DO harm women). Otherwise, female violence against males would be just as prevalent as male violence against females.

"Trad wives" is just a way for women to opt out of society and it's expectations. You dont need to work or make decisions as it's all done for you. There are sacrifices that they might not really think about like having to have sex when you dont want to, 'turning a blind eye' etc.

Exactly this, some countries do not see consent as necessary. The grooming gangs are an example of this, the girls were seen as 'white trash'.

In that case don't support the disruption / wars etc..that occurs where they live

The right to asylum is fundamental human right

Brilliant.
Good to see we are on the same wave, so to speak.

I'd be interested to see what the response was

I think you have completely misinterpreted his question

As such, use of the term "needs" is not what you think it is.

You don’t need to work?! You do nothing BUT work… it’s just all work that nobody at all will acknowledge. Some will even claim it’s work that don’t exist.

Such a dangerous way to ‘opt out’.

I know they do nothing but work, I mean paid work , have a career etc. Agree it's v dangerous and opting for it is based on some trauma usually.

These men seem to arrive knowing they have rights. They refuse to say how old they are and give personal details and are able to get away with it, They come from backward countries and seem predominantly believe in a very backward religion that sees women as less than second class citizens.

For some reason governments have repeatedly failed to record the ethnicity and status of these attacks on women so we don’t actually have figures to work with. However as far as I’m concerned we have enough home grown men who are rapists and paedophiles without importing even 1 more. In my world when you arrive in another country you abide by and respect their rules/laws.

When I worked for a council we had to do a course on how to dress/act etc when dealing with asylum seekers. I was disgusted by this and luckily didn’t have to work with them.

And how do you interpret it?

Fact is these men pose a serious risk to women. I don’t care about their needs, keep them in a contained area and ensure they are busy cleaning cooking etc. If they don’t like it they are welcome to go back home.

Yeah they are, I was raped at 12 by my dad’s friend. I was sexuality assaulted a few times by my first boyfriends, I’ve been sexually assaulted in the street, have physically had men come up to me and shove their hands up my skirt. I’ve also in the last four years been sexually harassed and sexually assaulted by foreign men and the difference is, I’m not accused of being racist, of hating white people, of hating certain cultures or have the crimes of other culture pointed out to me when I try and speak. Im not assumed to be making it up for political agendas when it’s rapey men from here.

Im usually called a liberal snowflake, I’ve fallen out with various family who think painting roundabouts and hanging flags is “taking our country back” I’m not against immigration at all, I can see with my own eyes the changes in my community, I live in area where unofficial HMOs are popping up all over and it’s all single men, where I have seen with my own eyes on more than occasions mini busses dropping multiple men off at 3am. I have two house on my terraced street that house multiple single men who come and go a lot, both of those have popped up in the last 18 months and don’t give a flying fuck where they are from, I know that most of the people living in them just keep themselves to themselves, but some also loiter in a group in the back alley and trying various back yard gates, they stand on the street in groups and because it’s terraced with no front yard, they’re able to stare in the living room windows and can say they’re just chatting to their mates, they make sexual comments to women trying to get past them for the school run, trying to talk about it gets you told you’re making it up.

Ive been sexually assaulted by a group of 4 of uber eats drivers, I’ve been touched walking past some of the men loitering in Tesco, i can experience and worry about my safety regarding these things while understanding that the type of men I personally know who beat and assault their wife, don’t care about women’s safety either.

I wonder what the questioner expects? A council-sanctioned brothel, perhaps?

Hmmm. I haven’t explained myself very well - sorry.
I suppose it’s the thought that a perfectly normal looking and sounding man can make such a statement - as if it’s perfectly ok and normal for men to be unable to control themselves… and for no-one to react.
Of course I’m aware of the problem - but isn’t this a part of the problem? (Normalisation) and if so, how can we change it?

How is this any different to male prisoners?
How are their sexual needs 'met'? 🤔

What I never get about the idea of men’s pressing ‘sexual needs’ is if it’s so unbearably awful not to shoot your load whenever you like, why not just nip off for a 30 second wank and get on with your day?

That way you can discharge your terrible burden of jizz without needing to rape or harass anyone, or dry hump your exhausted wife of an evening when she’s trying to do the washing up.

When we imagine other people are responsible for meeting men’s sexual needs - it’s not sexual needs we mean at all, but the craving for power, domination and control that so many men believe they’re entitled to.

Well is he wrong? Do you think these men don't feel entitled to women in the area just because they're foreign?

Suggest opening a Kleenex factory on an industrial estate nearby?

FFS!

Reminds me of the Ali G movie. Where his policy is to only let attractive women migrate to the UK.
I do believe though, that a surplus of men is very problematic (no matter where they come from).

Like it's ever been a concern before.

See I took that to mean something different
That the person who said it was highlighting that women would be unsafe in the area and how rediculous it was to influx a community like that .
I didn't think he meant it exactly as he said it ...like he is on their side and how would they get their needs met ...I really don't think that's how it was ment
But maybe I'm wrong and it was ..I don't know

I agree this was concern about the safety of local women and girls, not the needs of the men.

I don't think it's racist to consider this.

Dumping a large group of single under-occupied men from a different culture into a community isn't a great idea.

It would probably be the same if you dumped 600 young unemployed white British blokes in, say, Thailand.

This. I feel you've totally misunderstood him OP.

This. It’s dishonest to pretend that there’s nothing wrong with housing 600 single men, from countries where women are viewed as property, in an ordinary European town. They’ve already evaded legal immigration routes, so we know they’re not saints.

I don’t think the questioner was sympathising with them, nor making a snide racist remark. He was referring to a real known risk. Middle-class people who mock this from a safe distance are part of the problem.

A quick google brought up this data from an article

• 1 in 3 (30-35%) of men would rape if they knew they’d get away with it. (Source. Plus, second source 11 years later showing the same percentage: Kilpatrick)
• 1 in 6 or 7 (14-16%) reported cases will ever see the inside of a courtroom. This was a figure given to me by my own sexual assault attorney back in 2012. I took his word for it, especially after all the research I did coupled with my own experience with the police, as well as experiences like this.
• 1 in 16 (6.5%) men are rapists. 2002 Lisak study, although other studies show as high as nearly 15%, or 1 in 7 men.

• Prosecution rate: 3.6% (2023–2024, based on Ministry of Justice data)

IF 1 in 16 men are rapists as per the study above and if only a small percent go to court (this is common knowledge) I get his point.

Maybe the fact we prosecute very few rapists attracts rapists to the country?

If you come from a country that kills men for rape. Yet in the U.K. you can rape a woman and have a 96.4% chance of getting away with it - is it worth the risk? Would some men move to such a country?

Its common on here to assume the worst when a group of young British men visit Amsterdam on a stag do.

So are they expecting the 600 men to date young women in the local community or become celibate?

Would you honestly allow your 12-15 year old daughter to walk round alone in that town? I would not allow mine to. Not a chance. If that makes me a terrible person then meh.