Would you bother with this man?

[Sunshine386]

Been on a couple of dates with someone online, however one was mid December, the last one was a couple of weeks ago. He couldn't meet over Xmas due to being busy, away and not very well. First one was a drink and second one was a coffee date, meeting half way location wise.

He does text me but hasnt asked me out again, and to be honest I don't reply for a few days because it's in the back of my mind that interested men who are looking for a relationship act more assertively than this and are trying to meet you once a week or something. I can't tell if he's just laid back, because he also does seem that way. I gave the benefit of the doubt over Xmas but to be honest I thought he would be trying to meet up with me sooner after the second date, but already two weeks have gone by and he hasn't asked again. Yes I know I could ask but I don't want something where I have to drive everything.

Would you ever bother replying to messages from this man or regard him as a time waster? Or I sometimes think, maybe men hold back effort of they think you are chilled and not that interested. I'm looking for something long term and also going on dates with others. I just don't want someone where every date is 3 weeks apart.

Stop over analysing, overthinking and making comparisons with how you think people behave and their intentions. If you like him, reply to his messages and ask if he wants to meet up. If you’re not interested, move on. Simple. The angst and second guessing is pointless.

Stop playing games. He's given up on you because you don't reply for a few days. He thinks your not interested.
If you are interested you need to show it. Don't wait days to reply. If you would like another date make that clear.
If you are not interested you need to end it.

Jeez. Stop playing silly games and expecting him to do all the running. If you like him, ask him out again. And don’t assume that men are all the same in the way they behave and react. They’re not.

Be honest, you're leaving it several days to reply to him because you want him to chase you. He'll have presumed that you aren't interested or possibly he's sussed that you're playing games and decided not to bother.

I wonder if men get fed up with having to read women’s minds to figure out if they should ask them out again - particularly when they take 3 days to respond to a text message…

I wouldn’t bother messaging someone who takes days to reply to me.

I wouldn’t ask someone out who took days to reply to a text I sent and always expected me to message first and initiate all three of the first dates despite getting literally zero effort back….

If you’re interested, act interested. Stop playing games or making men chase you.

How did you get on when you met up? Did you feel like there was a spark?

Could you both be playing it cool? If you are taking 2 days to reply to his messages you certainly aren’t sending him the signal that you are interested either so maybe he is feeling the same frustration.

It sounds like you’re a time waster as well. Neither of you seem particularly interested so just move on to Dave wasting any more time.

There is no point in you playing games with a man that isn’t interested in you, and he clearly isn’t.

Total timewaster. It would be a ‘no way’ from me.
Sorry OP and better luck next time.

You're being childish. Stop trying to make men play games that only exist in your mind. You'll never find out what they think if you keep giving them challenges they don't know exist, and have a conversation! Ask him (and any future men) if they are interested or want to go out again or not.

Sounds like you both can't be arsed. Forget it.

I can't really tell if you like him or not!? You've not really said if he's fantastic etc. If you really like him, just ask him straight, if you're not bothered either then let it go. He might be shy and your apparent lack of interest/replies are making him think you want to take it slow or aren't that bothered. He's probably matching your energy. Just voice your thoughts gently and see what you get back (unless you aren't really that into him, in which case don't bother). I think early days of dating are like trying on clothes - if it doesn't make you jump for joy, it's not the one, because things always look worse down the road when you get to know all the annoying habits (not clothes tbf!)

You’re both doing the same thing except you think because he’s the man he has to ask you out. For goodness sake just ask him!! And if he stalls then you’ll know it’s a dead loss!

He doesn’t sound as if he is that into you. I would move on.

I don’t think men are into game playing the same as women are. You don’t reply to his texts for days = I’m not really interested. If you want a man to chase you then you need to hook him in first, that won’t happen after one drink.

You met for a drink in December and then it was another month before he was free to meet again = he was waiting to see if he could meet anyone better, nobody came along so he thought he’d meet you for coffee and remind himself who you were. He was still not impressed and doesn’t want to meet you again. Give up on this one and move on.

If you want to see him again ask him out. You’re prepared to post on here about him but not bothered enough to send him a message to suggest a third date? Nuts. And sexist if you think it’s somehow his job to ask you rather than vice versa.

Doesn’t sound too promising being honest.
The whole it’s been 2 weeks, & he hasn’t suggested another date thing would be my answer whether I wanted to see him again or not .It would be a not for me .
When you meet someone & if it’s going places , it’s just flows easily & doesn’t seem to be with you two .

I was in a weirdly similar situation at the end of last year.. his name doesn’t begin with A does it 😅

I felt like I was getting in the way of his life and weeks between dates and no agreed plans for a third date bothered me so I didn’t reply. I agree that you may seem unbothered though so that may change his behaviour.

No I wouldn’t waste my energy on someone like this.

Probably regarded as old fashioned these days, but I really couldn’t be bothered with a man that was so lacking in effort.

You sound like hard work and really quite immature. I wouldn't bother with someone who were playing games the way you are. It's just not attractive. I much prefer to be with someone who can communicate and act in an honest way. Dating is hard enough, nobody wants or appreciates fake standoffishness.

I wonder if he’s on a message board somewhere asking about the women who takes ages to reply to messages and whether she’s actually interested. I think you should grow up, if you’re interested show you’re interested, if he doesn’t do the same you have your answer. Stop the convoluted protect yourself game and take control of your own life.

Why does he have to chase you? What have you done that would make him want to?

Lots of feminism in this chat, but in my actual experience, men who are interested chase you relentlessly.