Partner’s drug use and lies

Dixie81 · 2026-01-31T08:31:24+00:00

He uses drugs but I won’t say which types to avoid outing myself here. It’s not all the time but he becomes a horrible person when he’s using and for a while after. It got so bad that we broke up but after months of relationship counselling we got back together but still do not live together full time. He agreed to be honest about his drug use in future. He has never kept to this agreement. I’ve caught him out lying an lot and I can’t understand why. He knows I won’t dump him over the drugs but I just want to avoid him during those drug binges. Is that too much to ask? I can’t get my head around why he won’t tell the truth. When I ask him why he just says ‘I don’t know’. it makes no sense. He is a great guy when he’s not using so I won’t break up with him and I’ve told him that but it’s the lack of respect and honesty that upsets me. It’s only occasional. It’s not like he’s using drugs every day and he doesn’t want me around when he’s using anyway so why doesn’t he just tell me?

tsmainsqueeze · 31/01/2026 08:39

If you stay you make your bed.
He's unlikely to stop so he's going to continue being abusive- for that is what it is , to you.
I bet that will get harder to put up with the longer it goes on.
You aren't as important to him as his drugs are.
No one is going to tell you to stay with him.
Life is to short for a shit relationship.

ThePrecisionsifthisislove · 31/01/2026 08:41

You've given him the green light to use as you've stated you won't break up with him also he needs to want to stop.
I'm an ex amphetamine user 20+years

NewYearNewMee · 31/01/2026 08:43

That’s not enough to ask!

He's not a “great guy” when not using, because he’s clearly still not wanting to tell you when he’s using and will be horrible. He’s also not a great guy if he’s not being honest or respectful like he agreed to be 🤷🏻‍♀️ he’s a drug addict even if he’s not using every day, he’s using and lying about it!

Original poster

Dixie81 · 31/01/2026 08:43

I wasn’t asking him to quit the drugs. I knows drugs will always be more important to him but it’s only maybe 3 times a year. It’s the fact he won’t tell me beforehand that bugs me. I can’t understand why.

OP posts:

SedatedSloth · 31/01/2026 08:44

FFS why are you tolerating a liar?!?

A relationship based on lies is not worth it.

He is never going to choose you over the drugs.

Walk away.

sammylady37 · 31/01/2026 08:44

Please tell me there aren’t children involved in this shitshow

Namingbaba · 31/01/2026 08:45

What if things go badly as they do at some points in life? Will he use more then?

Telling him you’re not going to break up over it is just approving it as others say.

Personally I couldn’t put up with horribleness and the lying.

toomuchfaff · 31/01/2026 08:45

You've got 2 choices.

You accept the behaviour. ALL OF IT.

You dont accept the behaviour.

You say you wont split because of the drugs, you dont have too - you can end it due to the lack of respect and honesty, the lies, betrayal & deception.

If you wont split because of the drugs, thats you making your bed, you have to accept the lack of respect and dishonesty too. Its part and parcel.

PersephoneParlormaid · 31/01/2026 08:47

I agree with pp, if you won’t end it then you put up with all the behaviours that go with it. He knows that he can do whatever he wants and you won’t leave. You’ve made your bed.

toomuchfaff · 31/01/2026 08:47

drugs will always be more important to him

Why would you be with a guy who values drugs more than you?

Are you ok? Is there some reason why you have poor self esteem?

Zanatdy · 31/01/2026 08:49

Dixie81 · 31/01/2026 08:43

I wasn’t asking him to quit the drugs. I knows drugs will always be more important to him but it’s only maybe 3 times a year. It’s the fact he won’t tell me beforehand that bugs me. I can’t understand why.

Higher your standard. Why commit to someone who thinks more of drugs that he does of you? You deserve so much better. You’ve given him the green light to do what he wants. And he will.

Daytimenighttime · 31/01/2026 08:50

If you don't expect him to stop using drugs why on earth do you expect him to change his behaviour? That is part and parcel of him being a drug addict.

Tickman · 31/01/2026 08:50

Just get rid, there’s far better men out there

InBedBy10 · 31/01/2026 08:54

Is it cocaine? I don't see how naming the drug could be outing.

Anyway, I highly doubt he's only using 3 times a year. If it was that infrequent it wouldn't be causing so many problems in your relationship.

He lies about it because he's a liar. Plain and simple. He's probably using way more than you know and doesn't want to admit it.

Fidgety31 · 31/01/2026 08:54

Why would a man respect you? when you don’t respect yourself ?

Hes not a great guy. And you think he’s good enough to stay with ? Get some self esteem and get rid of this loser .

RampantIvy · 31/01/2026 08:56

Threads like this are so boring and repetitive.

OP - my partner takes drugs and lies
Posters - you need to end it and raise your bar
OP - but he is a great guy
Posters - no he isn't
OP - I will never leave him
Posters - then you have made your bed and will have to lie in it. He will always prioritise drugs over you.
OP - but, but, excuse after excuse

@Dixie81 why are you doing this to yourself. If you won't change the status quo then put up and shut up.

ThePrecisionsifthisislove · 31/01/2026 08:58

RampantIvy · 31/01/2026 08:56

Threads like this are so boring and repetitive.

OP - my partner takes drugs and lies
Posters - you need to end it and raise your bar
OP - but he is a great guy
Posters - no he isn't
OP - I will never leave him
Posters - then you have made your bed and will have to lie in it. He will always prioritise drugs over you.
OP - but, but, excuse after excuse

@Dixie81 why are you doing this to yourself. If you won't change the status quo then put up and shut up.

Boring ,repetitive and also pointless.
No idea what op expects from this thread.

TheSandgroper · 31/01/2026 09:03

To him, you are a hole to squish around in a bit and dump sperm into.

Please, please find your self respect, move away from him and live a nice life somewhere peaceful.

Original poster

Dixie81 · 31/01/2026 09:04

It’s really obvious when he’s using so it’s not something he can hide. I know it sounds like I’m in denial or something but it really is only a few times a year and we get on so well the rest of the time. He is intelligent, warm , funny and kind. If he was an asshole regularly I would of course dump him. But he’s not. It’s only when he’s using. I just can’t understand why he doesn’t tell me beforehand. It would be less agro for him too because then I wouldn’t be getting annoyed with him.

OP posts:

MidWayThruJanuary · 31/01/2026 09:06

If he’s ’intelligent, warm, funny and kind’ then why is he supporting the criminal gangs who supply drugs and who shoot, torture, murder and harrass the junkies who can’t pay?

AwfullyGood · 31/01/2026 09:14

It doesn't just sound like you are denial, you actually are.

You won't leave him. He won't stop. He puts drug above you.

No one can help you if that's your position.

You need to wake up.

Knitterofcrap · 31/01/2026 09:16

Your time would be better spent examining why your self esteem is so low that you would be remotely interested in a drug taking liar as a partner.

VestPantsandSocks · 31/01/2026 09:18

The three times a year that he uses are tainting 365 days of the year as you wait for him to mess up.

Do you understand?

Stop wasting your one and only life in this man.

RampantIvy · 31/01/2026 09:19

Dixie81 · 31/01/2026 09:04

It’s really obvious when he’s using so it’s not something he can hide. I know it sounds like I’m in denial or something but it really is only a few times a year and we get on so well the rest of the time. He is intelligent, warm , funny and kind. If he was an asshole regularly I would of course dump him. But he’s not. It’s only when he’s using. I just can’t understand why he doesn’t tell me beforehand. It would be less agro for him too because then I wouldn’t be getting annoyed with him.

^
OP - but, but, excuse after excuse
Just proved my point.

AdaDex · 31/01/2026 09:22

Dixie81 · 31/01/2026 09:04

It’s really obvious when he’s using so it’s not something he can hide. I know it sounds like I’m in denial or something but it really is only a few times a year and we get on so well the rest of the time. He is intelligent, warm , funny and kind. If he was an asshole regularly I would of course dump him. But he’s not. It’s only when he’s using. I just can’t understand why he doesn’t tell me beforehand. It would be less agro for him too because then I wouldn’t be getting annoyed with him.

He doesn't tell you because he doesn't need to.

He knows you will tolerate it. You have lowered the bar to accept being less important than drugs and you have shown him this.

He has no respect for you because you have no respect for yourself.

He isn't a great guy. He makes a decision when he is sober to create a situation that will affect you negatively. I don't know why you're trying to pretend that avoiding him during these times makes it all go away.