violence against girls in primary school

[DibblysquibblygenX]

My year 5 daughter has goes to a small church school (one form entry) that her older teen siblings attended.
In the past year she has been assaulted four times by 3 separate boys in her class - once punched in the face from behind, once grabbed around the neck and her t-shirt torn, knocked to the ground, pinned up against a wall and had hands put around her neck.
not that it is relevant but for context, she is very small in stature but the kind of girl who speaks up when she sees injustice and sticks up for herself and her friends.
The school have responded in a lack lustre way - telling her to write it down and put it in the 'worry box' and only calling in the parents of one boy (who is over half the size/weight of her), and putting it down to 'friendship disputes' completely normalising the gender based nature of these assaults. Frankly I'm getting worried about what could happen to her when teachers aren't vigilant enough to notice what's going on.
I am tempted to approach the parents of the boys themselves but know that they would probably just respond defensively and it would do more harm than good. how are people bringing up boys these days - many of them seem to have 'carte blanche' to go around assaulting whoever they like when they like from a young age - it's very worrying.
i am going to see the headmaster and mention to the governors that this gender based violence is unacceptable and needs to be tackled - i would love for her to change schools but she really wants to stay.
has anyone experienced similar?

As a teacher and mother to a little girl, YANBU! That is absolutely horrific. Tbh it would be enough for me to strongly consider moving schools unless they start to tackle it properly. I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter and I hope you both get some support 😢

That’s absolutely shocking. The school’s response is appalling. Utterly unacceptable.

I wouldn’t talk to the parents. I had an experience of a voluntary group brining me as the mum of the victim, and mum of the bully together to talk about it. Jesus it went badly. There’s a good reason schools don’t do this when there is bullying! I would never again agree to something like this.

Too right I would go see the head teacher. when is it acceptable to say it's 'friendship disputes' when a boy puts his hands around a young girls neck, or pins her to the wall or knocks her down! I'm sorry but what on earth do teachers think they are enforcing by not addressing this 'violence against girls'. To dismiss it that simply as 'Friendship disputes' and if it was about turned and it was a girl defending herself I BET ALL HELL would be let loose! Get your point across to that school headteacher and tell them you'll pull your daughter out of school if nothing is done! How disgusting they can stand by and let this happen and dismiss it out of hand! DISGUSTING!

Raise it with the Governors - the school has a duty of care to your daughter and the governors can make sure these incidents are fully investigated and changes made to protect her.

I don’t think this is the norm at all. My child is at a very inclusive urban primary school and I don’t think has ever been intentionally hurt - certainly not as badly as this or I would remember! I do wonder if it’s gender based - are they targeting girls or is it violent in general?
Either way, this sounds very worrying. I’d be asking what ratios they have in the playground (assuming that is where this is happening).

My year 4 child was randomly rugby tackled to the floor in the playground by a boy in her class.
she said it’s also happened before but she didn’t want to tattle.
i rang the school to ask if they could discuss it, but as of yet nothings been said.

I’d write to your MP and the governors tbh

Stuff talking to the Head, they haven't bothered their arse so far. Call OFSTED.

What the hell?! This would not be acceptable at our school.
Have you had a face to face meeting with the head? Have you written a formal complaint? Follow the process and go to the governor’s. I’d also call the local council safeguarding board as it seems to be coming from one child or group

Also have you spoken to other parents to see if it’s happened to their kids? That kind of thing would spread like wild fire here. I would also be saying I wasn’t sending her back in until they can say how they are going to keep her safe after an incident

Enrol your DD for Tai Kwondo classes.
Worked for my DGC. Nobody touches them now

Keep fighting on her behalf op. Politely but firmly. These boys need to understand girls and their parents will not put up with this anymore.

Dd2 and her friends have whistleblown about the misogynistic abuse of girls by a core of boys carrying out an elite sport at her school. She is bringing them down. Police and trust involvement. So proud.

My daughter (who was then in year 5) was physically assaulted, but by girls!
It is also a small, one form entry school.

On one occasion, a girl brought in large kitchen shears from home and followed my daughter around the classroom holding them to her back in a stabbing motion.

The girl’s mother and the teacher both dismissed it as ‘banter’ (!) and that girl
is now head girl! She’s pushed, punched and kicked more kids than I can count on one hand.

We have since left the school and hear on the grapevine how ‘stabby’ is continuing
her reign of terror.

That's appalling, I'm so sorry OP. 💐 Both the school and the boy's parents need to step up and handle this properly right away. Your DD has a right to be safe in school, and the school are completely failing her at the moment. The teachers are showing these boys that they can be violent toward girls without any consequences. That's really dangerous.

Just adding to this to say that the school's attitude is appalling. I have daughters primary school age and I would absolutely not let this go.
I'm raging on your behalf.

There have been issues over the years at my daugthers' school but they have always been dealt with swiftly and efficiently.

Agree with the taikwando suggestion too. I keep meaning to invest in self defence classes for my daughters actually.

WTF?! Banter? with a weapon? I don't think so.

amazing! good for her!

Yep, I was dismissed as overreacting as no injury resulted. I did point out:
A) the child should not have brought in such scissors to school
B) the child could have tripped and injured herself or my child

It was all swept under the carpet.

I'm sorry but you should have moved or done something when she was grabbed round the neck and pinned against a wall. It's absolutely horrific but you just seem a bit like "well what can I do?"

This isn't normal. My kids are in a single entry school on a rough estate in one of the most deprived towns in the country. This would absolutely NOT be acceptable. A year R hit a Yr 5 the other day and got a half day internal suspension. Those boys would be absolutely suspended at our school as a minimum.

Not normal at all. 2 things to do differently-
1)you need to advocate for your daughter, go to the school, email follow up, ask about how behaviour policy is applied, ask about safeguarding, go to the governors.
2) your daughter needs to stand up for herself- if its happened a few tines, shes obviously a target known not to retaliate- you need to change this before secondary school. Get her to push child away/ make a massive deal a out these boys putting hands on her. Unfortunately this is needed to determine others!

Crikey this all makes me very grateful for the schools my children attend. Bringing kitchen scissors from home into the school would be treated VERY seriously, irrespective of what the intention was of having them.

I don’t know how much this is a gendered problem, it sounds like general poor behaviour policies or poor implementation of them. Unfortunately it’s not uncommon for children to lash out at other children (whatever the gender), and I’ve seen this a lot in early years with children who struggle to regulate in the school environment. The difference is how the schools deal with it.

I don’t think this is a girl/boy thing. My boys were always small for their age and they were equally pushed about by boys and girls. It tended to be child specific rather than gender specific.

" gender based violence"

You are talking about FIVE year olds.
Yes there is a problem here,
yes the school need to address the behaviour,
yes you are right to be concerned about behaviour,
and yes, you are entitled to be heard.

But for FFS , using the term " gender based violence" when talking about behavioural problems with infant aged children is not only ridiculous but is an insulting trivialisation of a real social problem.

Just a point but they are year 5, not five year olds. So not infants. One more year and they'll be at secondary school.

Hands on her neck is very serious. Id have demanded a suspension.amd have been on to rhe governors/ looking at my legal options
My piss is boiled on your behalf.
You are underracting here.

The below doesn't address the school failing iissue but others have given advice on that.

I would 100% have her in self defence / crav maga style class

Both my children will be enrolled aged 4.
My policy (controversiall) is dont initiate but do retaliate.
A good palm shove to the face and those little fuckers will think twice before trying it again.

Much in the same way abusers "just lose their temper and cant help it" yet they trash your property not their own
we are told "boys rough house 🤷🏻‍♀️ and what can you do" yet they will target those who wont retaliate.

Get her strong and confident and if / when the school call you in because she gave you of them a bloody nose id happily tell them he started it and enquire about his usage of the stupid fucking worry box.

I have two girls and haven’t found this to be the norm at all.
The school are handling this very badly, you definitely need to take it further.
I would also look at moving your DD to a different school if you can, I really don’t think this is normal.
I also like the martial arts suggestion too, it would give your DD confidence at least and girls learning a bit of self defence is a good thing