violence against girls in primary school

[DibblysquibblygenX]

My year 5 daughter has goes to a small church school (one form entry) that her older teen siblings attended.
In the past year she has been assaulted four times by 3 separate boys in her class - once punched in the face from behind, once grabbed around the neck and her t-shirt torn, knocked to the ground, pinned up against a wall and had hands put around her neck.
not that it is relevant but for context, she is very small in stature but the kind of girl who speaks up when she sees injustice and sticks up for herself and her friends.
The school have responded in a lack lustre way - telling her to write it down and put it in the 'worry box' and only calling in the parents of one boy (who is over half the size/weight of her), and putting it down to 'friendship disputes' completely normalising the gender based nature of these assaults. Frankly I'm getting worried about what could happen to her when teachers aren't vigilant enough to notice what's going on.
I am tempted to approach the parents of the boys themselves but know that they would probably just respond defensively and it would do more harm than good. how are people bringing up boys these days - many of them seem to have 'carte blanche' to go around assaulting whoever they like when they like from a young age - it's very worrying.
i am going to see the headmaster and mention to the governors that this gender based violence is unacceptable and needs to be tackled - i would love for her to change schools but she really wants to stay.
has anyone experienced similar?

That is absolutely outrageous- I would be on to the head and governors asap and firmly telling them their response here is completely unacceptable and that you will be considering all your options.

Does you school have any cctv or cameras that might have recorded these incidents? I would ask and if so demand to see them / get copies.

Your child shouldn’t have to face serious assault (hands around neck - are you kidding me!!!!) at school, they have a duty of care to take this seriously.

I wouldn’t stop until there was a decent resolution or if that fails to materialise, move her to a different school.

I’m not saying it shouldn’t be addressed in 5yos - if they’d been 5 I would still find the school’s response lacking.

At age 9/10 in Y5 I do think it is more serious though and it’s more reasonable for OP to consider the gendered element of this - at this age they should be better able to regulate and I generally playground dynamics are significantly more gendered at this age. I think a 5yo would be fairly indiscriminate in lashing out at another child regardless of their gender. By 9/10 I think that is less true.

"Honestly, it shouldn’t , because that’s how you end up with older boys thinking this is ok."

I think at 5 it can be viewed as the boys are still learning although obviously still needs dealing with. At 10 significant SN aside, they know that it isn't ok.

The fact that there are 3 different boys that have done it indicates that there is a behaviour management problem in the school.

I’d want a meeting with the teacher and someone from the SLT, a thorough discussion of their bullying and discipline policies and escalation approaches. Then head then governors. Not unreasonable to think about reporting assaults to the police, if school cannot deal with them.

YEAR 5 not age 5. They are aged 9-10. They definitely know better.

Year 4/5 was exactly when ‘junior misogyny’ started to show itself IME.

Using another (true and sadly not an isolated incident)example boy tells girl “do x or I’ll rape you!”. That doesn’t make him a sex offender and I’m not suggesting that the book should be thrown at him. It also shouldn’t be dismissed as “he doesn’t even know what it means”. He probably didn’t, but he knew enough to know it’s bad, that it can be used against a girl (and only against a girl) and that it’s bad enough to be considered a threat to get her to do what he wanted her to. There’s none of that thought process in most in most schools or parents though , it stops at “he didn’t know what he was saying” and “you can’t say that because it’s really , really bad”. The same excuse flies at 7 too and at 9 and at 11. Sometimes even handed on a platter. “Do you even know what rape means?No. Oh ok then.” Problem saved.Not good enough, and I say that as a parent and school staff.

Police
Safeguarding lead
HT

Year 5 is aged 9 to 10

My son was attacked in the classroom. Blood splattered over his shirt. Teacher present. Boys will be boys the macho head teacher said.

Disgusting, cowardly grown man. You and I know very well that, if another grown adult randomly attacked him in this way, he would be petrified, probably foul himself and be expecting everybody to show him compassion about his trauma and the authorities to do something about it.

As we so often hear in schools and workplaces, the reason that the people in charge don't do anything whatsoever to stop bullying is because they are bullies too.

Hi

Thanks for advice. Just to clarify:

.these are 10 year old boys
. she has studied Kung Fu for a year
. she is the only girl in an an all boy football team and regularly tackles/ gets tackled in the sports field
. she is no ‘wimp’ (and even if she was it wouldn’t be ok) - she ALWAYS stands up for herself, shoves them away etc
. I have already seen the Head on this matter - that’s when he got the Mum of the first perpetrator in.
. we have already worded 2 very strong emails to the Head on the matter and have had several discussions with her male class teacher and the male Deputy Head.

Ha ha! Yes the chuffing worry box. Wtf?

Just so you know, 10 is the minimum age of criminal liability. I would be informing the police given the school are so hopeless, especially for the strangulation.

My son is year 4 and would never dream of this, towards either boys or girls. I would expect a school to take it very seriously at that age.

Honestly i just feel for you.

I was talking to my dh about it today.
Dd is starting school next year and this is the sort of shit that concerns me.

This is not normal behaviour by the boys

Just be relentless with school twats and stay talking to her. 💕

Yanbu. Been through all of this; my DD had her arm broken by being thrown across the playground by a boy with a history of aggressive behaviour. School were less than pathetic. Very depressing.

Well our ( Ofsted outstanding) school certainly doesn't so brace yourself . I'll get my tin hat on but the " boys will be boys" shit is still alive and kicking sadly, and in my opinion is 100% of the problem.