Working away

[marioooocart]

DH works full time remote on approx 26k salary. Contract is fully remote although there is a head office, he never has to visit.

Manager has delegated some more responsibilities to him (for no extra pay!) and has now asked him to go and do some team bonding in the head office. This invokes a four hour train journey the day before, two days team bonding and then 4 hours back the day after training. So I would lose him for four days. We have a two year old and zero family support. No extra pay involved for this but will pay expenses.

Company are acting as if they are doing him a massive favour and as if it will be very fun. Around 20 of them are going (not his whole company, there’s thousands, and not from his team either as he’s never heard of these people) as it will be team bonding and they are talking about a fun night out although no talk of company paying for this.

Manager is now saying this could be every 3 months or so. I will need to take time off work to deal with childcare etc if he does. AIBU to think this is not the great deal and fun his manager seems to think it is? It’s not a free holiday and massively inconveniences us and DH is on barely more than minimum wage. I would expect trips away for someone on a much higher salary. It just seems a bit of a piss take.

DH can say no as it isn’t in his contract but I’m unsure if I’m being unreasonable here and I think he’s a bit worried about not seeming like a team player.

I assume his travel and accommodation will be paid for? So, it's not costing you anything but has become a part of work. It may not be ideal so new arrangements need to be made. If you both feel the pay doesn't justify going away a few days every few months then this is a difference conversation.

Seems like a more than reasonable request to me. His salary or job level is irrelevant.

I get mildly annoyed at posts like this. We have children. I work. And I certainly am not a martyr by any stretch of the imagination but my husband works away for around nine months of the year. Abroad .

Four days is fuck all and in the nicest way possible I think you should pull up your big girl pants and get a grip.

Can you not put child in extra nursery hours? He could ask for that as expenses too? I think it’s a reasonable ask to get staff to meet up 4x a year and hugely beneficial. You only have one small child and not three to juggle. Ask your employer for some flexi hours

My wife goes overseas for work a couple of times a year for not a huge salary, she enjoys it, I do all I can to enable it. Was harder when kids were younger but so be it.

Lol, you should see what entry level recruits get in the military and how long they’re sent away for…15 years ago my DH was earning £13,000 as a recruit and was sent back to work when I was 4 days post partum, he was sent away for weeks and months at a time when I had a newborn and toddler. You’re being very precious, it’s 4 days!

most Remote workers I know really enjoy a trip to meet colleagues occasionally

'They won’t even pay for a taxi to the city centre train station and are making him get two buses instead.'

Fuck that. He needs a new job.

Not past basic computer skills, no. I work fully remote for mw. Admin and call centre experience is all that’s needed.

Try RTFT. Would you do all that for mw, no extra pay and no prospect of promotion?

Except the extra childcare and all the OPs paid holidays to facilitate it.

My job is fully remote. However in the last role I went in to the office approx quarterly. I’m now seconded to a more senior position but only short term and need to go in approx once a month. Yes it’s not in my contract but it’s just better / easier for work if I go in. It’s super awkward. We live in a rural northern county. The office is London based. My husband gets the kiddos up and drives me (and the kids to the train station) before 5 am (no taxis where we are) and just juggles his office based / commuting to building sites role. He did so both Wednesday and Thursday this week. I was in Leeds one day and London another day.

it’s just what’s easiest. It’s super hard for him. A 3 year old in nursery 9-3 and a 12 year old at secondary school 45 mins away. However he gets on with it for the greater good. It’s not all the time and he gets creative with solutions.

You’d do all that for no extra pay and expenses when on minimum wage? Jeez you might want to stop being a mug.

This is was I meant by having to make adjustments, which most of us have to when work requires it. Far form ideal when you've becomes used to a routine I know only too well.

Has his contract not got the caveat ‘occasionally working from other locations as per demands of business?’
do you work? It’s 2 days - unclench.

Of course it would be great if the DC could cope with a whole day at nursery but the OP knows their limits.

So, to facilitate this, the OP would have to take 16 days' annual leave. When would she get to go on an actual holiday?

Did you bother to read any of my thread?

Yes I work. No it’s not 2 days, it’s 4 every 3 months. I would have to take approx 16 days holiday days a year to facilitate this nonsense. No his contract has no clause as confirmed by his manager. No he isn’t going.

Again, did you bother to read any of the thread before throwing around misogynistic insults?

It isn’t 4 days. It’s 4 days every 3 months. That would mean me using 16 days holiday to facilitate this. That’s half of my holiday time every year.

But I guess I should just “pull up my big girl pants” because I’m a woman and it’s my job to facilitate my husbands job?

It’s great your husband working away for 9 months of the year works for you! My husband also took a job that works for us. Him going away for 16 days and taking half of my holiday entitlement to do this doesn’t work for us. Hope this helps.

Nope.

It takes 30 seconds to click read all OPs posts. It’s not 4 days. OP is expected to give up 50% of her yearly holiday allowance for this, in a job that her DH didn’t decide to do.

The difference is your DH decided to join the military.

You really don’t need to RTFT to at least read all of the OP posts!

I also wouldn’t marry someone in the military because I wouldn’t want that life.

You can’t compare the two.

The nursery wouldn’t take her for extra hours even if we felt comfortable leaving her. There’s a lack of 1-1 and we are waiting assessment so they can get extra funding but it’s been an uphill battle. She’s only just gone from 3 hours 3 times a week to 4 hours 5 times a week.

My job is much more full on than DH’s, I am the higher earner and I also have a career not a job. But I guess I should burn myself out and use up my precious holiday to allow his employer to take the piss. 🤷‍♀️

It’s great that having a husband who works away works for all these posters but my DH changed jobs to fit around our current situation. He took that job to work around DD nursery and also because it was fully remote with no possibility to go into the office. He hasn’t chosen to do a job that makes him work away for months at the time. You can’t compare apples and oranges.

I presume you chose that life though?

The only person who needs to get a grip is you if you’d accept sacrificing 50% of your holiday leave to facilitate your DH’s job taking the piss after they’d clarified he didn’t need to go into the office, there wasn’t a pay rise and no prospect of promotion. All for NMW.

Anyway DH was talking to the rest of his team today and nobody has taken the manager up on his offer. They are all fully remote to they don’t have to. I’m not sure why that is so hard for some people to understand. This is why manager was trying to dress it up as some swanky freebie.

So it looks like the manager can’t shift the responsibility he tried to foist onto DH and he will have to go to the team building himself! The management do have it written into their contracts that they may have to travel occasionally, but obviously their pay reflects this too.