Neighbour just rung doorbell at 2.30am!

[greywolfie]

I'm now wide awake and fumming. She rung twice so I opened the front bedroom window as I worried it might be an emergency. Women stood there on her phone in tears and I thought - oh, she could need help.
My husband is on his way down to.open the door.
Then she says...."my cat is in your garden"
I mean - FFS!
I said "well your cat will get out of our garden"
"Really?"
"Yes. If your cat is still in our garden in the morning we will bring it back"
Shut window.
Husband then opened the door and she started telling him about the damn cat- I yelled at him to shut it.
He wanted to go out and get it but I said that was mad and would encourage the over protective cat mother to do it again in future.
For reference, we have 2 elderly cats that very rarely scale the fence. One night one got over very late and was struggling to make it back (we have stuff by our fence that would've also helped her bloody cat up, if he cared - but their side is just the bare fence). I was a bit worried but would NEVER have rung their bell in the middle of the night! About an hour later our old lady regained her energy and made it back.
AIBU to go round in the morning and point out you don't ring people's doorbells for this reason? It's batshit right?

How many times is the OP/husband meant to retrieve the cat in order to "be kind"? twice, three times, ten times?

If the cat has done it once, it will do it again. Its what cats do, so how many times should they get up in the middle of the night in order to "be kind"?

This

I can't work out who's more batshit, the neighbour or the people berating the OP.

Was it a lion?

I can't believe the number of people saying OP should have just been kind and gone to get the cat since she was already up. Madness. Why should OP give up any more of her already disrupted night to go and chase a perfectly healthy animal, which almost certainly wouldn't have allowed itself to be caught? Especially in January?

I certainly wouldn’t be making a habit of it no. But I would have got it for her that one time, or at least checked because she was clearly distressed. Yes I also would have been very irritated at being woken up and would have made it clear she can’t do it again. But on that occasion I like to think I would have helped, they were already awake anyway.

Be kind usually means "I'm worried people won't like me if I have boundaries", so people dress their insecurity up as a virtue. People without this insecurity are quite capable of being kind without enabling inconsiderate behaviour in others.

Sure, so what happens when she is distressed about it the next time which lets face it, knowing cats could be the very next night.

Would it be unkind to refuse her help then?

It isn’t madness. People just have a different opinion to you.

Fabulous post. And I wish you all the best with your ongoing efforts to self-regulate/take responsibility for your behaviour. I know how hard it can be if you have had trauma. 💐

and I'm sure were desperate to go back to sleep. Especially if they had work first thing.

What did she think would happen to the cat even if it was stuck on your garden until the morning?

Less so because she’s already had a warning and a scare. If she’s that worried and distressed by it all she should keep her cat indoors. Although admittedly cats do tend to find a way or getting out if they really want to.

But you’re talking hypothetically here. The second, third and tenth time haven’t happened yet. I’m talking about the situation that has actually occurred and that op has asked for advice on.

I voted YABU originally as I assumed the cat must have been an indoor cat that had escaped, or had some sort of health condition. It seemed mean to shut the door without checking.

But after the updates that the cat is a perfectly healthy outdoor cat, I've changed my vote to YANBU! Especially after the 5am knock as well!

And no yanbu, if you agree to help, she'll keep behaving this way.

I really don't believe most people, including all the sanctimonious people on this thread, would be willing to put on a coat and shoes, find a torch, and go out in the garden at 2.30 am, on a cold January night, to look for a perfectly healthy cat displaying normal cat behaviour. That is madness in my book.

I think that as your husband was up he might as well have got the cat if possible & then said not to ring the bell again at stupid o'clock.

The neighbour rang twice more the same night! So the second and third time have happened already.

I am curious where the line of "kindness" is drawn is all. Considering people are actually calling the OP unkind (which in my mind, is quite an unkind thing to do).

So, it's kind to help someone once, but only once.

Interesting.

I have had cats all my life. Sometimes one of them goes missing for hours or occasionally days. I have never pestered my neighbours about it at antisocial hours. I wouldn't even be out of bed myself at 2.30am looking for my cat anyway, I'd wait till daylight.

So no, you don't need to 'be kind' about it OP! I would have done the same as you.

Ok that’s fine. That’s your opinion and response. My response would be to be irritated and concerned but also sympathetic enough to stick my head out of my back door since I was up and awake anyway. That doesn’t make me mad or sanctimonious. Do you always insult people who have a different opinion to you?

In a situation like this, yes. I fully agree the op and her dh can’t be woken up on a regular basis by a neighbour for any reason. But a one off occasion followed by a discussion about how/why it can’t happen again is showing a bit of kindness in my opinion.

It’s ok if you don’t agree. That’s the whole point of a discussion.

Yep

Yep same, and I would have sent her away with her cat, happy for them to be reunited but with a 'now love don't come knocking at my door in the middle of the night again, keep him inside'.
It doesn't have to be send her away and don't help OR be a doormat and do it every single night.

Not sure where in the thread I insulted you 🤷🏼‍♀️