To get silently annoyed when parents chase their kids with food?

[SweetCamomile2020]

I went to a friends small birthday party last week and there was a buffet.

There were about 5 kids there, aged from 2 to 5. I noticed as the kids were playing one of the Dads was trying to get his kids to eat. Maybe they had tried to sit them down to eat and the kids didn't want to, I'm not sure but one of the Dads was following his children around with bits of pasta on a fork practically pleading "come on Joey, eat this, it's delicious" and "Amelia, try this, try this"

He seemed quite desperate but I didn't know him, his children or his situation and thought perhaps the kids had been unwell and off their food so that's why he was so concerned.

A few days later my daughter brought her 3 year old son to mine for dinner. He ate quite a bit then said he didn't want any more and got down to play with his brother - his Dad started chasing him round with food, popping bits of dinner into his mouth whilst he was playing.

Since then I keep noticing that wherever I am parents are just so stressed about their kids eating even if the kid isn't underweight and looks healthy.

They can't think their children are going to starve, perhaps they are worried that when they get home the kids are going to say they're hungry and then they will feel they have to make another meal.

My kids are all grown up and I can't remember doing this. Perhaps I did.

It's not something that affects my life so doesn't bother me too much. I would never interfere as not my business but there's a little voice in my head that wants to scream out loud "Leave them alone, they don't want the food!"

As you say, there could be a particular reason to be concerned about these children's eating habits, who knows. But on the whole I'd let them stop eating when they stop feeling hungry, provided they want to get down and play rather than gorging on sweet stuff. It will lead to a healthier relationship with food.

Sod that. I have an SEN child and they don't get to run around with food. They sit and eat. If they won't sit and eat, they don't eat.

I find it odd, I've seen someone chase their child trying to get them to eat a cookie. I was baffled, I'm trying to keep mine away from the cookies, not force them in. I could kind of understand if it was veg but even then I wouldn't be pushing it at a party.

I mean, my three year old is pretty skinny and I do this. I was also a very underweight kid and so were my brothers - I think it even stunted my height a bit I ate so little. I weighed six stone as an adult for quite a long time.

I don't want my DC to be super underweight (they massively undereat if I leave them to it, I'm talking eating about half of one meal a day and nothing else). So I go round popping food in their mouths when they're not paying attention.

If I had a normal weight or chubby kid I obviously wouldn't bother.

My friend does this with her kid. Drives me insane.

My family do this with my nephew. Generally it’s because if they didn’t he’d quite happily not eat all day. He hates eating and will get out of it at all costs.

I find it strange too, I feel like it must become a habit. I've seen it for years and it's the same at every meal, it's like the kids aren't used to eating without being hassled the whole time to have a bit more! On the flip side I don't do that at all to my DS, he stays at the table while he eats and aside from the occasional encouragement he just gets to decide what he's eating in whatever order and when he's had enough. Surely kids aren't being allowed to listen to their bodies with parents doing that?

I have a friend who does this. Her daughter barely eats and is v underweight. Not all children 'eat when they are hungry' there can be lots of other factors at play. I don't agree with trying to get them to eat when they are running around tho, too much of a choking risk for me

I do this with one of mine he’s diabetic and needs whatever carbs I dosed for. My other child I don’t care, long as he tries to eat his dinner.

I agree there are often a few different factors at play.

For example, food is scarce in some homes and parents can't always afford to offer something else if the kid is hungry and hour or so later.

But ultimately, I trust most parents to do what they feel is right.

Cant you just feed them the same food? Thats what we do?

My SIL did this with her eldest, he was quite a sturdy little boy and enjoyed his food, but she used to force snacks like crisps and biscuits into his mouth when he was playing, even if it was only 1 hour after he'd eaten his dinner. It was like she was frightened of him being hungry.

I don't know, I suppose whether it's easily reheated will depend on what it is.

But some kids have a better chance of eating it the first time round anyway.

Better to encourage them the first time, than have a battle on your hands the second time I guess?

Mine would eat nothing then vomit bile later on. They didn’t feel hunger and just wanted to play. Totally different to my friend’s dc who’d pile a plate high and not stop eating. It depends what your dc is like. It wasn’t over feeding, it was getting a reasonable amount in so they weren’t ill later.

It might be that one parent is worried at getting told off by the other parent. Or other family. I did hear a parent screaming at an older woman at the exit of a soft play for not making sure LO had eaten because she'll be out of her routine and it causes me more trouble, and the older woman (maybe a grandparent? Auntie?) muttering back that she'll eat when she's hungry.

I agree it’s odd but also suspect it’s counter productive. In my experience of watching family members, making food a massive battle doesn’t make kids eat more, it makes them eat less.

That’s what we do. Our eldest (4) has a tendency to leave most of his dinner then be hungry later. We just put it to one side and he typically eats the rest of it cold later (we’d heat it up if we wanted us to but he doesn’t).

I’d be annoyed too, sit down and eat was my rule and no getting down until you are finished. Mine knew the rules

Oh and one of mine was a terrible eater and would forgo the party rather than eat up but i didn’t relent, paid off in the long run as she eats fine now

I think this partially stems from when they are babies - so much focus by HCPs on whether they are eating ‘enough’. Any hint of being underweight as a baby is seen as a much bigger concern than being at the upper end of the scale. So we become obsessed with making sure they’re fed.

I agree OP. In my experience this doesn't encourage them to become a better eater - in fact the opposite.

My sister and brother in law do this. They get particularly concerned with water and their children have to have 5 gulps before finishing their meal which is counted down every time. It becomes a power struggle and the children run off with their parents chasing them with their water.

@runrunrun2026Yep!

One of my kids drinks loads and one drinks much less. It’s weird but I assume their bodies know what they need 🤷‍♀️ I resist the temptation to badger the one who drinks less to drink more because (as I’ve said upthread about food) I imagine it’s totally counterproductive.

I had to do this with my son when he was younger. He has autism and adhd.

His consultant paediatrician was very worried about his weight as it just kept falling. She told me to get food in him, whatever kind, and whatever it took.

I imagine I looked strange following him round with a backpack stuffed with
random foods ready to pull out and offer the second I saw an opening.

Thankfully it was something he grew out of, he is a giant now, but for a few years he would literally not eat unless he was reminded to continue eating every mouthful, and even then I had to aim for little and often rather than big meals so he didn't get overwhelmed and melt down.

It was never a case of rules or routine working in this instance (even though it worked well for his behvaiour).