To get silently annoyed when parents chase their kids with food?

[SweetCamomile2020]

I went to a friends small birthday party last week and there was a buffet.

There were about 5 kids there, aged from 2 to 5. I noticed as the kids were playing one of the Dads was trying to get his kids to eat. Maybe they had tried to sit them down to eat and the kids didn't want to, I'm not sure but one of the Dads was following his children around with bits of pasta on a fork practically pleading "come on Joey, eat this, it's delicious" and "Amelia, try this, try this"

He seemed quite desperate but I didn't know him, his children or his situation and thought perhaps the kids had been unwell and off their food so that's why he was so concerned.

A few days later my daughter brought her 3 year old son to mine for dinner. He ate quite a bit then said he didn't want any more and got down to play with his brother - his Dad started chasing him round with food, popping bits of dinner into his mouth whilst he was playing.

Since then I keep noticing that wherever I am parents are just so stressed about their kids eating even if the kid isn't underweight and looks healthy.

They can't think their children are going to starve, perhaps they are worried that when they get home the kids are going to say they're hungry and then they will feel they have to make another meal.

My kids are all grown up and I can't remember doing this. Perhaps I did.

It's not something that affects my life so doesn't bother me too much. I would never interfere as not my business but there's a little voice in my head that wants to scream out loud "Leave them alone, they don't want the food!"

Not something I agree with but some kids will won't eat at meal times then be looking for food an hour later.
Which is easy to mange at home, bung dinner in the fridge then zap, when they decide they want it. Not so easy to mange at a party or other venue outside the house.

SIL’s all do this and every one of their dc who were normal sized toddlers are massively overweight. Normal eating habits and patterns were never learned. Stopping when full wasn’t an option

Good way to create an issue with and have them avoid a basic need. Bet they drink nothing all day at school as a result of them doing this

Same here.

DS1 definitely needs me to do this. His growth has massively slowed down and if I let him, he would barely eat a thing.

DS2 loves food so has never needed this much help with feeding.

I don’t really care if other parents judge me for it - my child being fed and growing is more important to me than the view of someone who hasn’t got the same issue.

ETA to add that DS1 was 97th percentile as a baby, and is now 2nd. Very much on the smaller side for his age and his younger brother who is 2.5 years younger weighs the same and will probably outgrow him.

I really don't want to slate parents trying to feed their toddlers but they look ridiculous being held hostage by tiny people, i get kids want to run around but chasing them with food is silly and a choking hazard imo.

I am so glad you brought this up OP! I have noticed this so much with some of the mums I know, they are obsessed with their children finishing their food and eating a particular amount. I dont really get it. If my DD is finished she’s finished I’m not going to shove food down her throat, I will occasionally ask her to eat a little more if she hasn’t touched her plate but otherwise she is a happy healthy well fed girl and will tell me she’s hungry when she is hungry! Running about after your child with a fork is madness.

If my kids get distracted and don't eat when we are out and about then they will probably get very emotional/have a tantrum and then we will have to leave early. I wouldn't do this at home but if I felt like my kids hadn't had enough to eat while out and about then I would help them to make an easier life for everyone.

I used to work at a childrens centre and we banned running about with food the kids had to sit down or in a highchair, we also banned snack boxes from the playroom because parents were dropping grapes and whatnot into their kids mouth while they were running about.

I was told by the Director of Children’s Mental Health in this county that the key was to get calories into my SEN two year, who never sat down long enough to eat, rather than leave her to starve. He told me to bribe her to sit down to eat a sandwich, by promising her chocolate buttons.

Unless you know the exact circumstances of a child, and whether they have SEN, you don’t understand, then don’t comment - because they may be acting on professional advice!

I witnessed a grandmother chasing her young (2?3?) grandson around a playpark with a pot of food and a fork.

If she caught up with him, she would wave a loaded fork in his face.

I watched bewildered, trying to decide if the fork being waved in his face was the biggest risk, or as and when the occasional food did go in, the risk of choking as the toddler ran off to the next bit of the park would outweigh the risk of the fork.

The grandmother was no spring chicken, think there was even a walking stick, but by heck she could move. Her step count must have been through the roof.

I really don't understand the racing around, i wasn't a particularly strict parent and 1 of my now adult children had eating issues, so i do understand the panic when toddlers don't eat but when does the running about with food stop ?

@BlueandWhitePorcelain I didn’t comment out loud, just on here. Fair comment that I don’t know situation of the Dad at the party and I did say that but I know my grandchild is healthy, eats very well, is a correct weight and doesn’t have SEN so why my son in law was constantly putting food in his mouth when he clearly didn’t want it still is a mystery to me.

My 17 year old is super skinny (boy) and always has been. Can’t find trousers to fit skinny. Hadn’t stunted his height at all (unless he was expected to be 6ft 4.)

my oldest was also medically underweight during childhood but has made it to a smidge shy of 6ft. My shortest son has always been on the chunky side 🤣

My DD is type 1 diabetic and I used to chase her round with food when she was active and her blood sugars were dropping. It can prevent a medical emergency.

I still do it now and she's 18 so.....

At a party I would encourage eating as it's really annoying seeing a whole load of food out on the table about to be wasted when you know as soon as you get in the car to leave the child will say they are hungry.thats why cake goes in the party bags I guess.parties are too fun to sit and eat and food wastage is awful,it's a different situation than at home.
Really think you can't judge because every child/family is different and gave different reasons.

Wouldn’t you just make them sit down til they’d had a reasonable amount then let them go off to play though? Rather than chase the with a loaded fork?

This definitely is a factor for me, because my son was just not interested in food for ages.

At antenatal meet ups, some kids would be sat in their high chairs shovelling in food at 6m, whilst my son was frantically crawling across the cafe floor.

In my head, if I could just get him interested in food he might sit still for it, but he has always been more of a mover. He's a normal weight and is super strong because his favourite food is meat and veg.

Having said that I don't force him to eat, or ask him to. And I don't agonise whether he sits at the table to eat, comes back and has a mouthful etc. If we want meals out I get him good and tired first, and take him for a strategic toilet trip for a walk/circuit the pub garden etc before he gets restless.

My husband nags him to eat and it drives me bonkers because he does it about every 30s.

I can link you to some nice articles about climate collapse if you'd like something real to worry about.

Wanted him to try different things? As you say, it doesn't affect you.

Well that is clearly a medical issue and were you racing around the park with a fork ?

What does wanting them to try different things mean ?

Yes, it is ashame if loads of food gets wasted but IME (which is over 10 years ago now) soft play venues were the worst for that as playing on the stuff is too tempting. Mind you at one of these parties my DC went to, there was loads of food left and one of the Dads of the children who had been invited so not the host just started putting sausage rolls, bread and cakes in his big jacket pockets!

I never chased my DC around with food as it was never going to be a battle I was going to win with my DC.

This just causes feeding adversion. I’ve been that parent concerned about my son’s picky eating that I’ve in the past been like “eat, it’s lunchtime, try this, try that”. But obviously it isn’t good for you or the kid

My kids are all autistic (except one) and if I didn’t follow them around with food, they wouldn’t eat. Especially the two that have PDA. Even things they want and need feel like a demand.

Not generally a fork - for me that would be too messy.

Anything with carbs usually, sandwich, biscuit, anything I could launch into her mouth from distance.

My point basically was there could be a reason beyond just 'wanting them to eat'. Juvenile diabetes has risen dramatically over the time since my daughter was diagnosed (age 3). Its really quite prevalent