To ask if you clean your home before having guests?

[TheHoneyPot]

As title really. In the last few months, we’ve stayed with two sets of friends for the weekend ( I should add both these sets of friends have stayed with us plenty of times over the years) the latest ones this weekend and for the second time in a row, I’m not trying to be horrible, but there was really grotty bathrooms and carpets that crunched under foot everywhere, hardfloors covered in dog hair and just bits etc.

I’m now starting to think I need to lower my standards when we have guests because I spend a good couple of hours making sure the house is tidy and hoovered, the bathrooms are all clean and that the bedsheets are changed/ fresh. I thought this was ‘normal’ but after this weekend I’m wondering whether I’m just anal/ abnormal?!

Hi Op, I am the same as you I always ensure house is clean floors are clean from cat hair, any dirt/ food crumbs from my DCs.
I will also clean and scrub the bathroom and toilet again before they arrive.
I don’t like a messy house and have always hated messy floors if I can see dirt it has to be cleaned right away but I think that’s a me problem.
The older I’m getting the worse I’m getting I hate clutter as well and tatt and finding I prefer simplistic stuff.

This.

With “real” friends, as long as the place isn’t actively gross (stains in bed, rotting food on the side, bugs around the house) etc, isn’t it more about just enjoying each others company? I wouldn’t judge a friend.

Is there more to this? Kindness is free. Are you sure they don’t use Mumsnet as if I saw a friend say that about my home, after I hosted them, I’d be really hurt.

No idea if they use mumsnet but I’m sure this weekend thousands of people up and down the country have travelled and stayed with friends/ family, I haven’t given massively indentifying details so the chances of them KNOWING it’s about them is slim.

I’m honestly not meaning to be unkind at all, they are very old friends and brilliant company. It’s just for me, I felt uncomfortable, because it really was quite dirty, despite our visit being planned weeks in advance. It was a similar scenario a few weeks ago with another set of friends (though they’re DH’s uni friends that he used to live with and he warned me advance that they’ve never been clean or tidy people so I guess I was more mentally prepared)

Look it’s really not the end of the world, it was still a nice weekend overall, but it has got me wondering whether we’re a bit over zealous when it comes to cleaning and guests. I find it quite strsssful preparing for guests (despite the fact we’re relatively tidy and clean people in general so our house is never awful) due to wanting the bathrooms to be clean, rooms in floors clean etc and maybe we should just unclench and relax our standards a bit. I wouldn’t however, want people to feel how I felt this weekend which was a bit Icked out and uncomfortable at times. Fair enough if it’s just us adults but we had DC there too and I guess I felt uncomfortable knowing they were playing on really dirty floors etc.

I wouldn’t have stayed in a minging house, I’d have made some excuse and left, I don’t do filth like crunchy carpets or dirty bathrooms. People can live like that if they want to but don’t expect me to stay or visit unless the house is clean.

Edited to add I wouldn’t be unclenching nor dropping my standards for visitors.

But it sounds like this house was minging. It's not about judging someone for having lower standards - lots of us would find it gross to stay somewhere so dirty.

This sounds like our house!

This.

I'd be cross at dh for knowing their standards will be uncomfortable to you and still not putting you up in a hotel or B&B sounds like DH wanted to see you squirm 😆

Yes as does everyone I know.

I wouldn’t go back and stay in a house that was really grubby.

Even without guests my house is pretty straight, crunchy carpets? 🤢

Yes, I go for a deep clean, fresh sheets, but no mint on the pillow.

Not cleaning the bathroom, ewww. I wipe and disinfect daily, quick mop if needed, and deep clean weekly,more if needed. I dust and vacuum a lot, both kids had allergies and we have cats and used to have big sheddy dogs.

I'd stay elsewhere next visit.

Yes, I would, especially as we don't have a cleaner at the moment. I had a friend over today and didn't clean that much because I was busy all day yesterday and this morning so I didn't have time to do much, and TBH her house is usually pretty messy because she has a lot of pets so I didn't feel I had to impress her by being spotless given I had so little time to tidy. But usually I'd do a deeper clean.

My comment re paintwork wasn't just an odd mark. It was absolutely ingrained dirt from where they'd repeatedly placed hands to push open the door, for example. Thick, greasy dirt.

I have no issue with untidiness and clutter but grime, no thank you.

Yeah it’s personality & inclination more than the kids i reckon. I think the more relevant question is whether you tidy the mess if someone is staying or not, not whether there is mess in the first place.

I clean like a demon if someone is coming to stay. Im
ajwsys pleased I've done it and the house 'feels' so nice. I no wouldn't want stay in someone's dirty house or use a dirty bathroom if I'm honest. It would put me off going

No, but we have a weekly cleaner, though she cancelled last week. We had fifteen over for dinner yesterday and I just swept the floors, lit a fire, made sure the downstairs loo was clean and had soap and fresh towels, and dishwashed the fancier wine glasses, while DH cooked. I certainly don’t turn into some kind of cleaning zealot.

Your friends haven’t really grasped the concept of hosting, have they?

Definitely clean all through the house, deep clean bathrooms, fresh sheets and towels for guests. Not to do so is to be unwelcoming to your guests! I now have a couple of friends I won't stay with any more since I don't feel comfortable there.

No, I don’t.
However, I follow a cleaning routine that means my house is always clean and mostly tidy.

If I had visitors coming to stay I would make an effort with the bedroom, clean towels etc, and do my daily routine, but nothing more than that really

My house is always clean to the point where I wouldn’t mind anyone ever dropping in unexpectedly. But if we have house guests staying, then yes the house is given a really good extra clean and tidy -including Sharking the fabric kitchen chairs and freshening up the sofas. I hate staying in a dirty house and would hate to think anyone thought mine was!!

I would look at this a different way. Perhaps your friends want to have you over as guests but one of the (I assume) couple takes the burden of the hosting and it’s become too much.

I am the one who loves to host and loves to reciprocate hosting however because it literally all falls to me - the food planning and buying, the cleaning and bed making etc I have stopped hosting. It’s all too much and not enjoyable. Perhaps your friends are like this but they keep hosting just on more ‘relaxed’ terms?

I wonder how much of the ‘burden’ of hosting falls to the women on this thread? How many DH/DPs do ‘their bit’ by picking up the booze and sorting the music? Sorry I’m cynical and a bit bitter!

Anyway I think I would have to stop going if the house was as dirty as it sounds OP.

Yes I do a clean and get everything nice because I want them to be comfortable. Went to my DB and it was a state, loads of dirty dishes, filthy. Gross

I tidy quickly but not clean apart from surface wipe and quick vacuum if obvious crumbs before a daytime guest, if overnight then everything is lovely for them.
I recently stayed in a friends home and the bathroom was mouldy, kitchen was covered in crumbs and the sponge was filthy for washing up which made me not want to use their crockery, towel and bedding smelt damp… it was bleak.

Yes

I used to - then I realised that friends come to see me not the state of my house
It will be hygienically clean - bed clean sheets - own towels etc
Dust and vacuuming are optional - I have lots of health conditions and often have no energy to do beyond the basics
Visitors will get a mixture of takeaways and home cooked meals

Yuck. I think wait until they suggest visiting again and make noises about it being a better idea for them to get a hotel on this occaision as you won't be able to get the house clean and cook this time and you wouldn't host under those circumstances so you'd be more comfortable if they made alternative arrangements. HINT HINT.