Teen boys expensive taste in clothes!

[SixSeven67]

Help!
my 13(nearly 14) year old son is in his ‘I’ll only wear expensive black tracksuit’ era and it’s bankrupting me!
I feel so guilty that he’s hardly got any clothes at my house, whereas at his dads, he’s got lots. I’m not working at the moment, on UC with 2 other DC at home. The other 2 are younger, therefore much easier to buy clothes for.
I was looking online for tracksuits for him and ONE montirex tracksuit is £90. NINETY POUNDS!
I got him one for Xmas but, after him saying he loved it and took the labels off, decided he didn’t like it after all! And anyway, he’s managed to leave that at his dads house.
I do use vinted, but even that isn’t as cheap as I’d like. I want to rig him out with about 3 nice tracksuits, but it’s going to cripple me financially.
any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

But what you can afford.

If they want crazy labels - they get a job or save up birthday money / Christmas money for it.

teaching them that we all have to live to our means is an essential life lesson.

No one NEEDS designer labels. This is about WANT not need and again it’s a very good life skill to help them learn the difference.

don’t feel guilty - and don’t bankrupt yourself buying things that you can’t afford.

A monthly clothes allowance of what you afford? He can decide whether that's one expensive tracksuit or more cheaper but adequate ones.

He took the labels off then decided he didn’t like it?

Tough luck. He brings it home and wears it.

At times my parents didn’t have the cash for fancy clothes, I made do with new look etc. Your son can have designer brands when he’s working.

I mean this kindly, but your job is to teach him financial responsibility - it sounds like you’re hard up, you need to teach him that working hard and saving is the only way to buy fancy things. Debt and scrabbling around for designer clothes when you’re struggling to pay bills is poor financial management.

give him a budget and point to vinted

Why would you buy your DS a £90 tracksuit when you’re not working and have no income? Next he’ll be wanting a Canadian Goose or Moncler jacket which cost a lot more than £90 - what will you do them. Buy him what you can afford and he’ll either wear it or not.

Your job as a parent is to make sure he is clothed: he doesn't need designer brands. He's a teenager! And why are all his clothes at his dad's? He can bring them back.

Give him a clothes allowance, and he can get a job or do chores to earn money if he is set on the designer stuff, it will be a good life lesson. Perhaps he will appreciate his nice things then.

Honestly at the age I’d be going with a clothes allowance and encouraging him to earn some money - babysitting, washing cars or similar.

He gets what you can afford end of, or he brings stuff from his dads. You need to nip it in the bud. As long as he has generic clean clothes that fit him that’s good enough. He gets money for Christmas and birthdays for anything else

If you can’t afford it you can’t afford it. It really is that simple. Besides which £90 for a 12 year is ridiculous. It sounds like you’re not in a position to give him a clothing allowance or pay him for work around the house, so he’ll need to wear what he has, it won’t harm him.

I don’t think he really deserves expensive clothes if he has so little value of money that he takes the tags off then decides he doesn’t actually want to wear it. Not to mention you can’t afford it if you aren’t working. How ungrateful!
Honestly, I would just buy your share of the absolute basics (e.g. uniform, underwear, socks) and give him an allowance of whatever you can afford then it’s up to him what he buys with it and whether he saves for new, looks at Vinted or chooses cheaper but it should hopefully start teaching him the value of money.

You said DS has lots of clothes at his dad’s. Does he have set days between you, or does he just come and go? He takes clothes from yours to dads, is he not allowed to do it the other way? DS has two Nike fleece tracksuits which he likes for the comfiness. He lives in them on rotation outside school and if neither available is wearing Sainsbury’s. I appreciate this means they will wear faster as they are being worn and washed frequently. I don’t think there are any feelings about keeping up with friends though as they don’t care about these things.

I think this is more about his dad having the money to buy the tracksuits and you don’t. Your DS is at an age where he is putting value on what he looks like rather than who he is as a person - his character and personality. I wonder if his dad puts in more value on the aesthetics too.

I recommend putting in more time with your DS so that he doesn’t feel the need to get his self worth through what he wears, but on who he is.

Vinted. If he wants brand new he saves for it. That's the rule in our house. 15yo ds has very quickly learned that his money goes much further if he buys second hand. He learned this by buying brand new Nike Jordan trainers that he grew out of within weeks....

You are allowed to say no to your children.

This. In fact, you're parenting poorly - even if you're rich - if you keep saying yes.

He doesnt need 3 nice tracksuits.

Tell him to get a paper round or find some way of brining in his own money then.

With teens, it's far more effective to enable them to learn first hand through natural consequences because at that age their friends' thoughts and opinions matter more to them that their parents'. A stand off is in nobody's interests, because our job is to prepare them for the reality of adulthood.

Teen wants expensive trainers > give them the option of second hand branded or saving and paying for their own out of birthday money. Teen chooses paying for their own pair of £100 trainers > teen grows out of trainers within a month or two > teen learns that this isn't an efficient or effective use of money > lesson learned. Compromise: I'll buy you branded if you can find it second hand for no more than x amount.

Everyone is happy.

Why can’t the clothes stay with the child?

What’s the point in having a heap of expensive clothes in another house not being worn?

If teenage son is old enough to want designer tracksuits then he can negotiate with his dad to let him take his clothes with him.

Can you compromise with a trade off? He helps out with chores at home and for every chore you put a bit towards the clothes.

learning early that you have to save for thinfs you want is a good thing.

teaching that you can put stuff on credit cards and then struggle with debt isn’t.

buy what you can afford. otherwise he will be wantimg the dear stuff as he doesn’t understand about bills and wages etc as he has none. just say no.

And dad should also buy. it’s not just on you as you have your son more often. you’d son needs to learn that if he leaves stuff at his dads no more will be forthcoming at yours, hes a chancer. tell him to bring stuff home. it’s not about who bought it or whose house it’s on it’s about him having the stuff he NEEDS on the days he needs it snd having a few things that he WANTS.

You are getting too upset over this and burying your head in the sand to a degree. He's 14. Just sit him down and explain fiscal realities to him. Use an app or a spreadsheet. You are doing both of you a disservice by not being honest about the situation. Children are often entitled until we teach them not to be.

While that's good for DS to learn that money comes with hard work, it doesn't change the fact that the OP still would have to fork out money towards the clothes that she can't afford.

OP, just tell him that you can't afford expensive clothes. Give him the choice of a cheaper tracksuit, or offer to put the same amount towards a more expensive one, and he pays the difference. If he moans that he can't afford it, then he'll be learning that designer things cost money, and if you don't have the money, you can't have the designer things.

It was for Christmas and is a reasonable amount to spend on a teenager at Christmas.

You're an unemployed single mum of 3 - you can't afford to kit your children out in £90 tracksuits.
Sounds like your son needs a quick lesson in household budgets.