Teen boys expensive taste in clothes!

[SixSeven67]

Help!
my 13(nearly 14) year old son is in his ‘I’ll only wear expensive black tracksuit’ era and it’s bankrupting me!
I feel so guilty that he’s hardly got any clothes at my house, whereas at his dads, he’s got lots. I’m not working at the moment, on UC with 2 other DC at home. The other 2 are younger, therefore much easier to buy clothes for.
I was looking online for tracksuits for him and ONE montirex tracksuit is £90. NINETY POUNDS!
I got him one for Xmas but, after him saying he loved it and took the labels off, decided he didn’t like it after all! And anyway, he’s managed to leave that at his dads house.
I do use vinted, but even that isn’t as cheap as I’d like. I want to rig him out with about 3 nice tracksuits, but it’s going to cripple me financially.
any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

I don’t understand this notion of ‘having clothes at his dads’. I kind of get it for younger kids who probably have more stuff and aren’t doing their own packing, but he can easily take the stuff he likes back and forth. Or does he have the sort of dad who buys him clothes and insists he leave them at his because he bought them?
Paying £90 for a good brand of tracksuit only for him not to wear it because he’s decided he doesn’t like it is unacceptable. I’d be telling him he’s getting nothing else if that’s how he’s going to treat the stuff you buy him.
Designer stuff is for Christmas and birthdays and/or to be saved up for. Does he get pocket money from you? Even at a fiver a week he could save for a few months and maybe you could match what he saves if that’s feasible and maybe dependent on stuff like behaviour and some chores.

DS 18 and DS15 both happy with £10 black pair of Asda jeans. Or cheap £10 joggers. Same cheap t shirts. But they'll occasionally see a band then buy a band t shirt.

They just couldn't care less about brands🤷‍♀️

Having been a teen boy in the 80s when designer labels first hit I know why your son wants to dress this way. However, me and my mates were from the poor end of the school catchment area so we didn't. You need to be honest with him about finances and that you don't have unlimited cash. It's the only way. Budget with him to work out what you can afford and get him to shop around for his clothes

Get him to bring his clothes to your house. Having 2 sets of clothes in two houses is daft. Get him to pack a holdall. He's trying it on.

I have a son your age, no way can I afford to buy £90 tracksuits so I don’t. He has supermarket brand joggers and sports direct 2 for £20 adidas shirts and whatever hoodies I’ve bagged in the sales all under £25!

nobody needs expensive clothes you need to cut your cloth accordingly!

Just say no did your parents buy you everything you wanted when you was a child. When I was a kid if id have asked for something that cost that much my parents would of laughed in my face and told me not to be so ridiculous.

I totally get you… I have a son at 14. It’s hard because the age he is you want him to fit in and if your sticking him in primark stuff he will get ripped to bits at school… unfortunately it’s the world we live in.. I got my son a Montirex track suit for Christmas and he only wears it for good. My son has just taken a stretch and needs new clothes but thanks fully lives his weekends in shorts.. all I can say is there are Turkish shops on fb that self “brands” maybe look there. I feel your pain.

I hate to hear of mum's getting into debt or even worse going without food so their children can parade around in designer gear. It is our job as parents to say no. He is old enough to understand that by spending £90 on an outfit for him everyone else in the house has to go without. Ask him if he is comfortable with that. And why the heck do you think he needs 3 tracksuits?

Any other really ancient mumsnetters missing the olden days when the lads just wore Levi jeans or Wrangler cords and track suits were for when you did sports, if you did sports . . . ? . .

ADHD symptoms aren’t improved by wearing branded clothes. Tell him no and mean it . Unless he’s going to go out naked I’m sure he’ll learn quickly.
Don’t use his condition as an excuse or let him use it to get want he wants. If he’s hyper he needs to be occupied. Send him out to the wash the neighbours cars / windows/ tidy their gardens for £.
My son mentioned a Ralph Lauren polo shirt a couple of years ago. How I laughed at a 14 year old mentioning a £120 item of clothing. Needless to say he didn’t get it and I could afford it.

Simple really, just feed him the basics!.
The cheapest food, soon he’ll start complaining, at which time you tell him, you’re saving money to buy him clothes. His dear siblings however can eat what you cook, as they are not complaining and demanding stuff!.

Are you joking at this point? There's no such thing as requiring designer clothes because of ADHD.

This. All the effort to try to look rich while making yourself poorer to impress who? Other poor people ?

My DS 16 is autistic as well. It has to be comfortable and he can't stand certain materiels. But he doesn't ask for specific brands so I can find what he needs at Primark or any other lowcost chain. It's not because he's asd that he needs a brand.

How convenient that the “designer” stuff doesn’t bother him.

My daughter has a similar issue with clothes, as do I. I’ve never had to resort to designer labels to find clothes that are ok for us. He’s playing you on that one. It’s simple. You set the budget you are prepared to pay, and tell him to find what works. If he has clothes at his dad’s place, they are his clothes and he can tell his father he is taking them home.

Tell him to buy his own clothes. Until then he will get what you can afford.
Stop being weak
He's an entitled and demanding creature.

Why is he having clothes at 2 houses? Surely he has clothes and he brings what he wants to wear to whichever house he’s in at the time?

I get where you are coming from and with the adhd/autism. It is hard as they know they are different and desperate to fit in and look “normal “ and this can be their way of trying to do so especially if they then hyper focus on this as a way to do so.

Mine got stuff for Christmas, birthday and used their birthday money to buy more. However, once they outgrew it, it was straight onto Vinted to be sold, with the money used to buy more stuff from there.

Get the Montirex top back from his dad’s, get it sold and see what you can buy with the money.

He needs to bring the other one back so you can sell it.

Well you aren't doing him any favours by spoiling him and buying him stuff just because. He will just end up resenting you for not buying like his dad does - and do you really want him learning that the way to be a man is to hoard expensive items away from an 'undeserving' mother. Or making fun of second hand. Etc

He can have a branded hoody or polo and normal joggers or jeans on the bottom half. Simple

Yup. He has that sort of dad. I say to the DC can take whatever they want to their dads. It’s their stuff to do what they want with. Sad obviously doesn’t have the same take on this

That sounds really tricky especially when you’re trying to be fair and make things work financially. I sometimes wish my DS took more of an interest in but he really couldn’t care less about what he wears or looks like. He is also still getting hand me downs from his cousin, which sounds great in theory but in reality he wears the same old joggers and sweaters and his cousin's nice stuff end up at the charity shop. Is your ds old enough to start a p/t job? Or could he help sell things on Vinted?

The thing is, youngsters with ADHD and ASD are often crippled with self doubt and a desperate wish to fit in, so it’s not as outlandish a request as you seem to think.

It’s the very opposite thinking of “I am enough”; after years at primary school being rejected by others, finding friendships challenging, being anxious and doubting their own capabilities, neurodiverse teens often have zero self confidence, so the right clothes, can be very important, just as it is for other teens but more so.

Of course no parent should be going in to debt to supply their offspring with clothes they can’t afford but that doesn’t mean they won’t feel extreme sympathy for a teen who is struggling and want to help them.

its tough, but helps them learn the value of money

Why do you care what his dad thinks about Vinted?

Get your DS to bring back the clothes you bought and sell them on Vinted fgs

You are making this hard for yourself