To not want DH to WFH on my day off?

[thatsperfectlyfine]

I know. I am BU, but I really am a bit gutted.

He gets under my feet, leaves a mess in the kitchen, can hear constant loud Teams meeting, feel sort of watched even though I’m not.

Waiting to be roasted to a dry crisp now …

I found/find it hard when DH retired. I had been at home mostly on my own for 7 years and had a routine clubs/classes/out with friends. He thought I would be around for company when he was.

Has anyone else noticed they are always in the kitchen the same time as you when they're at home too. The kitchen can be empty for 3 hours but the second you go in there they start making a cuppa and being in your way

You’re suggesting he goes to the office on a Friday when he doesn’t have to? Yeah…YABU, basically nobody does that.

Totally agree.

I booked a day off today, and resigned myself to dh being here. Then he said he was in the office Wednesday & Thursday (rarely does two days, normally does Tuesdays which doesn't suit me to have off) and I jokingly said couldn't he make that Friday.

Absolutely wonderfully he sorted it out and was in work today. It was absolutely blissful! I haven't asked him to do that before, and it was kind of him to do it because he hates commuting.

For me it's being able to just get on with things without him asking "why" or "what" or "where"!!

This worries me - my dh keeps talking about retiring soon and l have been crystal clear that l will not be responsible for his entertainment

That’s fine as long as you’re not relying on the income

Urgh I'd hate this too.

Does he think it's lovely being in the house with you and young child?! Wouldn't he prefer to work from home on a day you are at work and little one is at nursery?!

My ex I think would have thought it was delightful to be WFH on the day I was off and LO was at home.

I on the other hand would have been seething with resentment.

I also read this and had a traumatic flashback to lockdown. 😱😭🤣

OP if he won't go in to the office I think I'd take little one and go out for the day or as much of the day as possible. Go for a Costa and a babychino, pop to the park/library/children's centre sensory room. I'd be pretty much anywhere else.

If he can't let you have a day's peace at home then take yourself out of the equation and go out. View it as a break from him and from the house and as nice 1:1 with your child.

YANBU

Did you mean to quote my post?

OP is on a day off, so she works. Like most households, they probably need two incomes to live off.

I WFH, my husband WFH - the rules still stand. Home is first and foremost a home. We work from home for the convenience for us but that doesn’t mean if someone is not working they need to be on egg shells.

You can have a fully remote job and absolutely need the income to live off but there are still these magic things called earphones or if you don’t like them in your ear, you can get a headset. That cuts out a lot of background noise for both the worker and non-worker. Having a job and needing the income to live off also doesn’t prevent you from clearing up after yourself in the kitchen. If that role was office based you’d have to clear up after yourself in the kitchen or your colleagues would very quickly get fed up of you.

OMG you poor thing I had DH and me WFH across the dining room table from each other in April 2020. I'm amazed we're not divorced. Was awful he is so bloody loud on the phone! I still WFH 95% of the the thank god he has been back in his office for ages. I worked very part time when our DS was a little one and we always had a plan and went out for the 2.5 days i had at home with him. That said if DH announces he will be WFH i will go back to the office full time- v lucky only 2 miles from my house.

From Covid onwards sxDP worked 5 days a week at home. Drove me mad. He worked in the living room so I couldn't use it - unless i wanted to listen to his Teams calls which were at very high volume because he's a bit deaf. GRRR!

Sounds like you don't even like him.

I'm amazed constantly on Mumsnet why so many women on here are married. I genuinely enjoy the company of my partner, and it's their house as much as mine. I know this is social media, and not reality, but threads like this don't really challenge the stereotype of Mumsnet being filled with bitter divorced women who blame men for every problem.

I get that. On your day off you wouldn't go into his workplace, but it's like his workplace has come to you.

A poor woman I work with has three adult DC and a DH who all work from home. One in the kitchen and one in the living room. She has a small house and says it’s stressful all the time and she just wants to be able to open all the doors and let some air and light in and put some music on and spring clean in peace.

OP hopefully he does at least work in a room you can shut the door on?

Of course yabu, as long as he works in a different room just shut the door and crack on with your day. How does him being present in tbe house affect you doing whatever you want in tbe rest of it? Genuinely makes no sense. If he leaves a mess yanbu to exoect him to clear up after himself however

This is amazing, I guiltyly thought I was the only person who felt like this! and that everyone else couldn't wait to spend time at home as a couple😅. Sometimes my husband breathing in the same room sets my teeth on edge , and he does this annoying, exaggerating hiccup every now and again, and that's when i feel like reaching for an implement! Luckily he takes the dog for long walks when our days off coincide, (probably to get away from me!) I keep any annual leave Ive booked secret until the last moment ( unless we going somewhere) so it's too late tor him to book any at the same time. Apart from that we get on quite well together, but I need my space.

I don't think you'll get roasted nor do I think you're being unreasonable. I'm in different circumstances, I WFH one day and in office the rest. My DH is medically retired- I don't ever get time at home on my own so I know how precious it would be if there was one day I could! Love DH to bits and this isn't his fault but it is hard never getting much personal space. I am also his carer so I can't just shoo him out the door! I think your DH should find a way to allow you that day with him not WFH.

Why do you feel judged if you're at home looking after your(?) child?

I mean it wouldn't matter if you were doing not much of anything on your day off.

How does he get under your feet?

Does he ever tidy up the mess he makes?

My dh works from home most of the week so it’s normal for him to be around on my days off. He has a separate room as his office and I only see him when he nips to toilet or at lunch. It’s really not a issue I just clean, chill, go out as I wants
I remember my mum saying she was dreading my dads retirement as he would be “under her feet” I felt sorry for her because if you don’t feel comfortable with your dh why are you with him.

I would make Friday the day you have to hoover

Exactly!

The poor bloke is working. Leave him be!
If the annoyance of the OP is that she can “sense” him she’s being utterly ridiculous.

I WFH full time and if my OH has a day off he leaves me alone other than to offer me cuppas if he’s at home.

While the main purpose of a house is as a home and not an office, the salary of those working, whether from home or not, is paying for it!

OP should think herself lucky she has the luxury to work PT.

His workplace is his own home. He has just as much right to be there as her.

Definitely go down the noisy day option, washing machine, food processor, hoover, friends over, the child you're looking can after play noisy games, and don't make him lunch or a coffee. I think he'll get bored of WFH on a Friday.

Just carry on as normal.
Clean, make noise
That should do it

Haha cross post
Yes agree
Why should she shrink her life ?