To not want DH to WFH on my day off?

[thatsperfectlyfine]

I know. I am BU, but I really am a bit gutted.

He gets under my feet, leaves a mess in the kitchen, can hear constant loud Teams meeting, feel sort of watched even though I’m not.

Waiting to be roasted to a dry crisp now …

Do you then get more time together in the evening?

Where we live Friday traffic for DH’s commute home is worse than any other day in the week, and also nice for us to pop out for a drink together early Friday evening so WFH on Friday is a good choice for him.

How much time does he get to himself round the house @thatsperfectlyfine

Does he not have his own working space? I work in a separate room to the rest of the house, and if anyone else is here, they cannot hear me working even if I've got a meeting on.

Sorry but I think the person working on any given day gets the choice. And I say that as someone who loves the house to themselves. Both DH and I work hybrid and its up to us to support each other in our arrangements. If one of you works FT and the other not then the one working should chose what set up they prefer IMO. That said they should be considerate in terms of noise, space usage etc and leave the other alone!

It makes no difference to me, tbh, I can sense him. I know he’s here and it stops me relaxing and feeling completely comfortable.

I had this exact conversation with my husband last night - I feel judged if he’s here and I chill out or am resentful if I’m doing loads of household chores as he’s not helping! In reality he doesn’t judge (that’s in my head) and he’s wfh so absolutely shouldn’t be helping but I can’t help my feelings. He was amazing about it, completely understood and went into the office to work today. No roasting from me, I get it, I really do!

I completely get this. I love pottering about the house on my but I feel judged with DH there! Even though he isn’t remotely interested in what I’m doing most of the time. It’s weird. Also very loud teams meetings do my head in. Or he’ll wander into the kitchen with his headset on still on a call 🙄

Does he work full time while you just do four days? If that’s the case I think the privilege of having a day off while he has to work is enough of an upside for you.

He would be better off WFH on Mondays - so the week starts on Monday morning, not Sunday evening when you have to prepare for the week

or Wednesdays or Thursdays to cut his week

Tell him that you have things to do on YOUR day off, and you will do them (so he's warned fairly). Then pick that day to hoover, listen to music and act as if he's not at home.

When he leaves a mess in the kitchen, go knocking at his study to ask him to tidy up because you need the kitchen. If you (reasonably) disturb him enough, he might reconsider.

Don't change your plans for him

This is exactly me except mine isn’t being amazing about it!

I am looking after a very young child on my day ‘off’; I’m not just sat on my arse. But he is impeding on this time.

YANBU at all. Where DH works they have 2 week shutdown in August every year. I take a different 2 weeks off in the summer. He’d get in my tits if we were off the same time 😂😂

Can you get into the habit of playing some music, having a friend round for coffee, doing cardio fitness workouts in front of the TV and getting the hoovering/clothes washing done on your day off? Anything noisy but perfectly normal to do during the day. Hopefully he'll decide the office is a better place to get work done.

very young children are VERY noisy and VERY disruptive, and require very noisy and disruptive play dates 😂

You may enjoy this thread OP

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4932835-in-a-state-of-inertia-when-dh-around?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

If that’s the case just tell him you want a day at home on your own, no need to suffer in silence.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels judged! I thought it was a hangover from my over-scrutinising parents...

And absolutely what @Lilylady said - feel guilty if I chill, resentful if I'm the only one doing housework. He has an uncanny knack of staying in his office while I'm slogging away, then the moment I decide to sit down for five minutes, he rocks up... 😡

If it was my day off, I would plan on doing the food shop - or having the food shop delivered. Late afternoon and make sure there's no food in the house during the day.. but it's my day off, so I am absolutely doing it, but later.

I don’t actually see mine much when we are both WFH or when one of us isn’t working. We have our own spaces so it’s not too bad.

i Totally get this. Even though he’s not doing anything wrong - the fact he’s there means you can’t relax.

same if I have AL and off with kids i holidays - for some reason him working whilst I’m sorting the kids is different

I’ve hinted at this in the past but it seems to offend!

alone time is so precious though.

OMG yes!! You kinda feel like you have to keep really busy

Oh, OP, this is me on a Wednesday. Technically DH is supposed to be in the office but none of them go in and management turn a blind eye. It drives me nuts. I feel your pain. I could change my day off but then I'd have to change my yoga class too and I really like the group. I keep secretly hoping that management have a crackdown.

@thatsperfectlyfine YANBU!

My DH never WFH on my day off. I do the cleaning with headphones in and sing loudly and dance. I then do music practice in between housework tasks. I drive him up the wall!

I would hate that too. Sometimes you just need to potter around your house and not have to talk to anyone! He has to wfh, so id either change my day off or spend the day in cafes.

I never get any time alone.

God, how awful.

I live alone and love it.

I've had relationships of course - and an adult son - but most men are just big babies really, selfish and self-obsessed.

Even worse if they can't get their money shit together.

My DH always managed to have or take a day off when I had one booked. I lost any patience I had when he decided he was unwell too when I was on sick leave for a few days last year (fwiw, I'm generally a tank but when I'm sick I go down hard). He was exhausted apparently. And miraculously recovered at the same time I did.
Now I book days off and say nothing. I don't know why some men seem to see your day as their day too

I vacuum, listen to podcasts and practice the piano loudly on my day off. My DH tends to go into the office for it now!