To not have a 'traditional top table'

[ByGreenJoker]

Me and my partner have agreed on our top table being us and the children for the wedding breakfast.... people (one person) aren't happy with this, called us disrespectful as its traditional, we've said we aren't changing our mind... They are now threatening not to come to the wedding at all! ARGH! AIBU to not want traditional?

Your wedding, your choice! Sounds lovely to me.

Tell the person that it's disrespectful to threaten people and make demands, and them not attending is absolutely fine.

It's called a sweetheart table.

Tell them not to.come then. Its your day and you decide how you want things to be. I've catered dozens of weddings and its quite normal to not have a top table, or just bride groom and their kids on it.

I think that sounds lovely. We had one big rectangle of tables so we could see all our guests.

I didn't want to be 'on show' at my wedding 27 years ago. Our top table was a huge buffet. The people who would have been on a traditional top table still sat together but it also meant my bridesmaids husbands and best mans wife could sit with them as well and not spend most of the day apart

Ignore them! We didn't have a traditional top table because of complicated family dynamics. No one minded

Ignore them, assume from your OP you already have children before marriage, I'd say well that's not tradition so here we are and this is how we want our day

I think don't have a top table at all, rather than have one but exclude people who would usually sit at it.

If e.g. I was a parent who was absent from the top table I'd be very hurt. Entirely different if you have an arrangement where there isn't a top table but having one and excluding the usual guests makes something of a statement.

I didn't have a top table (at either wedding to be fair) couldn't think of anything worse than being on display. Also didn't want to sit with our parents 😅 We got married a couple of years ago and sat on a round table with our kids, it was lovely.

They sound like they are being ridiculous and you must do what you want.

However, all the recent weddings I have attended have gone with this small round table set up and it does make it very difficult for the guests to see and hear the speeches. Half the guests will have their backs to the speakers for the whole of the speeches and half the speakers will have their backs to half of the other half of guests, if you see what I mean.

It sounds a lovely idea. And , most importantly, it's what you and your partner want.

If this person choses not to come to the wedding it's their loss.

I hope you have a wonderful day OP.

But the OP has children? People aren't going to think she and her husband have excluded their parents, they're going to think they've chosen to have their children at the top instead. Tradition goes out the window when you've had children before marriage.

My brother did this and it was lovely and my parents were very happy with his decision. Enjoy your special day

So do something non traditional. Don't have a traditional set up that very publicly subs some people.

ridiculous old fashioned tradition, particularly as you seem to already be living together and have kids together, it's not as if your parents are "giving you away" is it?!? your wedding your rules

That's a shame...tell them that you will see them on another day if they can't make your wedding...

We didn’t have a top table because I hate the idea of them. Fortunately our wedding was small enough to have a long oval and it was girl/boy seating with parents next to us.

Many don’t have top tables anymore, if someone is that much of a drama Queen you probably don’t want them at your wedding anyway. What a horrid person to say they wouldn’t come to your wedding then, I doubt this is the first time they’ve been difficult!

I think your set up sounds lovely and I think I’d do the same if dh and I were to get married now.

None of the weddings I’ve been to recently have had a traditional top table. Two had the bridesmaids and groomsmen at the top table and another had a sweetheart table

They are doing something non traditional (and also pretty standard) by sitting with each other and their kids.

If the name calling, threatening, demanding person is being snubbed, then so are all the bridesmaids, groomsmen, all parents, and whomever else usually sits on the long table. 😁

What I would do is sit all the older generation etc at a “top table”. With wedding party etc

I’d remove the bride and groom from that table to sit with my kids - call it table 3 or whatever.

Job done.

You get what you want and self aggrandising family member gets what they want (well not really but they think they do!)

DD just had a small table for her and her DH (if they'd gone for a traditional top table arrangement it would have looked stupid as it would have been so long). All their guests were sat on circular tables which were set out so that she and her DH could see everybody. It was lovely.
Tell that person they are not obliged to come to your wedding if they're silly enough to get cross over a table.

I’m not saying I don’t agree with you but isn’t there room for the ‘traditional’ people at the top table? ie: your and partner’s parents?

Do as you please

Is it a parent? Because if so, while they are being a bit silly, personally I would probably put them on the top table rather than have them not attend. I think there is a generational difference in how this sort of thing is viewed and they may think it is socially embarrassing to be seated elsewhere (and indeed in some circles it absolutely would be). Unless there is some backstory about them being super difficult and you fear it will negatively impact the day if they sit with you for a couple of hours, I would just concede and hold the line on the things that were more important to me.