Evil shoe tidier

[AlexisAlexis]

Can I get some clarity please?
I spent the afternoon, tidying and cleaning. Husband left his shoes on the bedroom floor. I asked him to put them away. He refused and said he wanted them there, ready to put on in the morning. I told him they’d be ready to put on in the morning from the shoe cupboard, where we store all of our shoes, and with that logic should he also put his pants and socks on the bedroom floor ready to put on tomorrow? He refused to put his shoes away, so I put them away. He grabbed my bottles of perfume and threw them in a random drawer, shouting very loudly and aggressively that if I was going to move his stuff, he was going to move mine. Was I unfair/unreasonable to put his shoes away?

Was it really worth falling out over a pair of shoes? I don't tell my DH where to put his shoes and clothes and I don't expect him to tell me either. I just don't think it's worth getting worked up about stuff like this.

Does he always behave like a toddler??!!

having said that, I leave my work bag in the kitchen (not in the way!) when I’m between shifts and it does my nut that my partner puts it “away” in the hall. I don’t want it in the hall, I want it handy in the kitchen as I leave for work via the kitchen!!

Were they a trip hazard?
No?

Then it wasn't an issue

Yes?

Ask him to move them from where they're a trip hazard but otherwise leave it

I think he overreacted

How come his shoes left out (ready for the next day) are mess, but your perfume bottles left out aren’t?

I can see his point tbh

So he doesn't wear clean underwear daily 😱

I would want to do the same as you, but... living together entails a bit of give and take, and it's coming across as a bit controlling that you won't allow him to have his shoes where he wants them. The only proviso would be that you aren't going to fall over them.

Do you have carpeted bedroom? I wouldn't walk into or out of my carpeted bedroom in outdoor footwear.

If it's his side of the bedroom then I think he gets to leave them in his half of the room. Same as he can have what he wants on his own bedside table and you can leave out your perfume bottles on your bedside/dressing table (it's better to keep perfume in a dry, cool, dark place like a drawer by the way, to prevent the scent from degrading). If you are ultimately incompatible in terms of how you like the house to look and what gets put away where then that's another issue. He shouldn't have been aggressive or loud, that was completely unnecessary, but it was also unnecessary to move his personal possessions against his wishes.

I also don't think leaving your shoes where you can slip them back on is the same as leaving your clothes on the floor
People do leave their clothes for the next day "laid out" to pop on when they wake

My perfume bottles are kept in a drawer. He took them out, and threw them into another drawer.

I don’t understand what you mean by this?

Oh well that’s completely different and is just petty and childish of him then. Sorry I assumed they were left out so it was a tit for tat thing .

I had a friend who cited her husband’s obsession with making her keep her shoes in her wardrobe as unreasonable behaviour. Most people keep their everyday shoes by the front door or by the bed, ready to put on the next day. You do come across as very controlling. By your logic, no one would be allowed to be prepped the night before and ready to go in the morning because everything would have to be retrieved from multiple places just before leaving the house.
You are being very unreasonable

It does my head in when DH puts my things ‘away’ - especially when I have left them somewhere deliberately, or am just about to use them.
i am on the cusp of reacting like your H to be perfectly honest - such a waste of time for both parties.

Is it 'the shoe cupboard where we store shoes' if one of you doesn't want to store shoes in it though?
I'd see your point if all his shit was everywhere, but just a pair of shoes that he wants in one place and you want in another then why should your preference win?

So when a woman orders a man around it is being organised, tidying up, keeping on top of things, when a man orders a woman around it is controlling and she needs to leave

The shoe cupboard is next to the front door. What’s the point of having storage spaces for particular items if people just leave their things lying around all over the place? If you left out everything that you needed for the following day, there’d be clutter everywhere!

I am a notorious leaver outer and leaver of stuff everywhere.
If my DH put my shoes away for me I wouldnt mind. But when he goes on about stuff it drives me mad. He has given up now. Its been the main cause of all our arguments as he has ocd and i have adhd. We are totally incompatible as housemates. But you have to eventually just leave the other person to it or stop living together.
We have now stopped living together.

He's not leaving everything out though, just his shoes.

If my husband told me to put them away, I'd ask him who made him boss because I wasn't at his interview.

And I say that as a very tidy person.

Where did you get that from? He does leave other things lying around. I’m constantly tidying up after him.

I would divorce him. If he doesn’t know shoes go in the shoe cupboard what hope is there.

And you're only drip feeding that now?

It's where you keep the shoes that are in "storage" - the ones you don't wear every day/aren't planning to wear the next day

Why would leaving a pile of clothes neatly on a chair be clutter anyway?

Things don't have to be hidden away to be tidy

Because you'd think you'd mention it in the beginning