Evil shoe tidier

[AlexisAlexis]

Can I get some clarity please?
I spent the afternoon, tidying and cleaning. Husband left his shoes on the bedroom floor. I asked him to put them away. He refused and said he wanted them there, ready to put on in the morning. I told him they’d be ready to put on in the morning from the shoe cupboard, where we store all of our shoes, and with that logic should he also put his pants and socks on the bedroom floor ready to put on tomorrow? He refused to put his shoes away, so I put them away. He grabbed my bottles of perfume and threw them in a random drawer, shouting very loudly and aggressively that if I was going to move his stuff, he was going to move mine. Was I unfair/unreasonable to put his shoes away?

He was out of order moving your bottles.
depending how in the way the shoes were you may or may not be out of order.

if he reacts like a toddler often there is more to this though. Talk it through. With or without a therapist.

it's his shoes your not his mother let it go. you both live in the house you need to be able to compromise focus on bigger issues. they are not in the way at all. we are a shoes on house they are stored in cloakroom wardrobe and bedroom. I dint put away my husbands shoes he is a big boy now same I don't pick up his laudrey he can put it in the basket himself.

and with that logic should he also put his pants and socks on the bedroom floor ready to put on tomorrow?
No, there’s no actual comparison there, is there?
Shoes stay on the floor when you’re wearing them, there’s no great outrage in them remaining on the floor when you aren’t.
Doubtless it’s neater to hide them in a cupboard, but no, it’s not the equivalent of not storing your knickers in a drawer.

You're not the boss of him nor is he the boss of you.
Lifes a bitch.

Bloody hell. Am I supposed to give every detail of an 18 year relationship? This particular incident was about him being untidy and leaving shoes in our bedroom. I was asking for clarity on whether I was unreasonable to tidy up.

No. It’s where we keep all shoes. Everyone else in the family takes off their shoes and puts them in the storage cupboard.

Because "he did this and he's notoriously untidy, I'm forever tidying up after him" is different to "he did this, usually he's very tidy so it was a surprise"

You're still unreasonable to complain about a pair of shoes he's planning to wear the next day but the annoyance is more understandable

But he wants ONE pair that he's going to wear just next to the bed. It's unreasonable at all

Once he said he didn’t want to put them away I think it was unreasonable to do it. Unless he leaves everything out all the time? Winds me up when OH moves my handbag.

Exactly this!

You're being unreasonable about shoes he's planning to wear tomorrow. But it makes more sense as a reaction in the context of it being the last straw with constant untidiness.

...

As an aside, I am now remembering the thread involving someone who kept their toaster in a cupboard...

Its where 'we' or where you decided?

We. As I said.

DH can be messy it’s low level irritation sometimes but shoes round the house is not on. It’s cultural and ingrained for me and I would hate it.

There was a very good article years ago written by a man whose wife divorced him because he left a cup on the side, it’s wasn’t the one cup obviously it was the hundreds of small things that had happened over years that he just wasn’t listening to her complain about.

A friend was once talking about visiting someone who'd just had their kitchen done and happened to mention they kept their toaster in the cupboard

How many of them are there out there? Or maybe it's the same one...

(They also came to mind with this thread)

YANBU

I'd be disgusted at outdoor shoes being in the bedroom too.

Our house shoes come off in the hallway and left near the front door.

He behaved like a petulant dick regarding your perfume bottles.

Shoes belong by the front door (in or out of a shoe tidy - I don't care). YANBU.
My DC still trudge up the stairs in their trainers, despite me bellowing "shoes off" for their entire lives. Drives me insane.

Outdoor shoes in a bedroom is a bit odd, ours are all by the front door (sadly we don't have a cupboard). However i think YABU to move his property regardless. Is it worth falling out over?

If I have a busy start to the day I often leave my things put ready to dress next day. I don’t consider this untidy.

Yabu to sarcastically ask him if he should leave pants and socks on the floor ready for tomorrow - when I leave my underwear out with my clothes, it’s in a pile ready for me to scoop up and dress.

I think you were being provocative and I’m not surprised he argued back

You should be scolding him like he's a child. It's him home too - why do you get to decide where his shoes go?
I can't stand being nitpicked and nagged like this and I leave my shoes by the door and clothes on the chair in my room if they have another days wear in them - why waste my time putting it away and getting it all out again for a performance of tidiness?

I can see both sides. I leave my work bag and shoes in the kitchen because thats the first room I come to, and where I'll pick them up again tomorrow. My DH hates it. Often picks them up and puts them in the cupboard. Then I have a panic the next morning because nothing is where I left it. I think this will keep happening until the day we die 😂 You do need to find a compromise. If you are very tidy, and he is very drop and come back, you need to agree what things can be dropped that you will ignore, and which you simply cant.

We put away shoes not in immediate use, the shoes I'm putting on tomorrow or the slippers I'm putting on tonight are left out!

I know a couple who keep all their loo roll in a cupboard, yes even the roll they're using! They have to remember to get it out before using the toilet, then put it back after washing their hands.

It's no way to live. I'm team DH here

You’re treating him like a child who’s too young to make his own decisions about things.

Unless his shoes were a trip hazard or blocking door, it was daft to start an argument over it.

Well I think he should put his shoes away. Put things where they belong.

YWNBU to ask him to put his shoes away (outside shoes in the bedroom is pretty icky tbh), nor to argue about it when he said no if it’s important to you and he is generally untidy. I think picking them up and moving them crosses a line though and I can see why he lost his temper.