To ask if you would ever forgive someone you hate

[Vibted7777]

I see so many people make amends with people they have had issues with

Some things do not deserve to be forgiven and it is wrong to expect a victim of such action to forgive.

It's a sliding scale.

There are (a small number of) people I've completely forgiven for the things that they've done. There are others I've forgiven for certain acts but I haven't forgotten that they did it and so I no longer entirely trust them. I don't hold resentment but neither do I pretend it never happened.
And the there is a very small list of people whose choices were so shitty that I feel no desire to forgive them. Instead I've worked on letting go of the resentment I felt towards them. I will forever avoid their company but I try hard not to let those feelings affect my day to day happiness.

I can't think of one person that I actually hate 🤔 some I don't like very much but not actual hatred. So I don't know if I'd forgive them or not.

There's only one person in my life who I have truly hated. I feel like I would be happy to hear they are dead. I can't imagine ever forgiving them and would still feel angry if I saw them, even though I rarely think about them anymore.

Their actions changed the course of my entire life. I am happy in my life now, but was deeply unhappy and traumatised for ten years.

I don't generally hate people. There is only one person who I truly hate and I will never forgive him for what he did to me. I don't care if he's changed or not (it seems he might of) it doesn't change what he did to me and I can't forgive him.

And how did you manage to do that?

I have done a couple of times and ended up regretting it. I don’t get to that point easily and when I do, it’s justified. I don’t buy into the “forgive for your own sake” thing. You can move on with your life and not give someone your energy or thoughts, without forgiving people who aren’t sorry/don’t deserve it.

It really depends on what they did. If they made themselves accountable, seemed sorry etc. I am not going to lie, I have been in this situation twice. Neither actually deserved my forgiveness, but my mental heatlth did.

I think slowly and consciously, with the knowledge that the amount of anger I’d been holding onto was literally making me ill and preventing me healing. But mostly knowing that he’d already taken so much from me and destroyed my life, and by continuing to let him do so he was still winning.

I don’t waste a moment’s thought on the cunt anymore. Which is a big improvement on having regular dreams about him being tied to a chair and me beating him to death with a baseball bat!

I don’t think having issues is the same as hate, but I haven’t read the thread so I’m probably not the first to say that. I’m going to say I have “issues” with 4 of my siblings, how they behaved was appalling, I’m no contact but I forgive them, I have let go. My life is better without them and in many ways I’m grateful that they finally behaved so badly that I was able to quietly walk away without feeling I should speak to them because they are family. I wish them no harm but given their continued poor behaviour I think they probably do really still hate me and that makes me sad for them, it’s so pointless, there is no risk of a reconciliation because I wouldn’t put myself through the pain of having a relationship with them again- the taste of liberation is too sweet, I cannot give it up.

Not hate as such, but I've made a point of "grey rocking" someone I occasionally come across on a social level ever since I witnessed him bullying and reducing a waitress to tears. (Fortunately, her manager took her side and supported her.)

I forgave for me - they will never know - it wasn’t for them. It was letting go of the anger and trying to see my siblings as victims too - they have been damaged by our upbringing and by poor parenting too but it’s not my job to fix them. It’s my job to free myself from their manipulative and controlling ways, I could never trust them again and don’t want them in my life.

I tend to be emotionally lazy in some regard, so I don't have the energy for hate. I'll cut you off so completely though, you'll wonder if you actually exist. No idea what that falls under.

I've forgiven loads of people who I love when they've hurt me. That's part of life. No one is perfect. Almost every one of my dearest loved ones has deeply hurt me at some point.

But people I hate? No. I only hate for a reason and that is usually because the person is consistently malign. I just keep out of the way of people I hate and move my life on elsewhere.

This. Hate is a feeling as strong as love, imo, and those people are not deserving of it. Neither are they deserving of forgiveness. They get nothing from me.

No. Absolutely not. They have caused so much deep pain, trauma and hurt that I will never forgive. I have moved on and living in peace without them in my life, but some actions are simply not forgivable.

I think like that too. I was brought up not to ever use the word 'hate' and it's always stood me in good stead. Off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone I actively dislike, but there are probably some I am not particularly keen on.

I did bump into a former friend the other day and chatted to her for a few minutes, despite the fact she stole from my home. At the time, she denied knowing anything about my missing money, but she definitely knows that I know it was her. She has never asked to come round to my home since, so I just think the trash took itself out.

I think like that too. I was brought up not to ever use the word 'hate' and it's always stood me in good stead. Off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone I actively dislike, but there are probably some I am not particularly keen on.

I did bump into a former friend the other day and chatted to her for a few minutes, despite the fact she stole from my home. At the time, she denied knowing anything about my missing money, but she definitely knows that I know it was her. She has never asked to come round to my home since, so I just think the trash took itself out.

I would never forgive a serious betrayal against me or my family.

Yes i have and we are friends. However it does all depend on the situation and the word hate is very strong.

I'm very soft and try to understand why they acted that way and know I'm not perfect and have been horrible in my past as well. Xxx

Forgive. Never forget. Sometimes it’s wise to keep them close. I’ve stood for far too much from my dad but I won’t let him get the better of me. I play nice because mentally and emotionally it’s healthier for me than the alternative.

I could have written this. I hate just one person who did something so heinous that, over 35yrs later I still hate them. They altered my outlook on life which in turn changed my life.

If I could see them rot, I would.

I don't forgive. If there is an opportunity to make their lives difficult, that is what I will choose. That said, they generally are forgotten about. Most I cut contact with.

There's few people I hate but when I do, then there's no coming back.

I think the healthy thing is to acknowledge they are shit people who negatively impacted your life. You don't need to dwell on it and keep picking at it. You can move forward .

No, I don't think I will.
It will not be a defining feature of my life, and I will grow to the point of never thinking about him, but his behaviour was unforgivable, and I would be letting myself down if I ever made my peace with someone behaving like that towards me. What he did will never be okay, and I hope that haunts him.

I've never understood how it's possible to hate someone you don't know.