Washing 11 year old sons hair

[Iusedtobefun95]

My 11 almost 12 year old son has asd and a serious issue with water on his face, it’s been a thing for him for aslong as I remember so when he baths or showers il wash his hair then leave him to wash himself dry and dress himself. Iv tried a few times to get him todo it himself but he either won’t do it right or just doesn’t do it. My partner who’s his stepdad keeps on at me about it saying he’s old enough todo it himself. I am trying to teach him more independence and this is a thing I’m working on but it takes time. Aibu if I tell dp to shut up that him bringing it up every time my son gets bathed is not helping. Sons dad said it’s the same at his house hel wash sons hair so it’s actually done. We keep his hair short so when we try him alone it’s not as long of a process. Fully prepared to hear I am unreasonably and il take any criticism or tips

If Mum and Dad are on the same page it's got bugger all to do with your partner really. I say that as a step parent myself.

Mine is 11 and NT. I still wash his hair in the bath. And then sometimes have to stay to time him holding his breath under water lol. He can do it himself but mostly still asks me to do it and I don't mind. My daughter asked for hair washes until she was 14! I'd never even thought of it being a problem. She had no problem doing it herself when she eventually decided she would. Tell the SD to mind his own business!

You can buy hair washing shield right up to adult size on Amazon, Chemists. They are like a visor you wear lower so keep shampoo, water away from the eyes.

I wash my 16 yo DD’s hair — you gotta do what you gotta do 😌
(learning disabled AuAdhd)

I had one like a sunflower round my head when I was a kid!

vosene is the same for me! but my mum wasn't very gentle really

11 yr old DD I still wash her hair albeit it's quite long and if she does it herself she gets dandruff after a while and always looks greasy. She is the same hates water in her eyes so she uses the hand towel while I shower it. Nothing wrong with this. Tell your DP to shut up!

My youngest DS (no SEN) is also 11. He can wash his own hair but prefers I do it. I like it too as we have a good chat. Neither of us is worried about nudity and when DS is bothered we can stop. No idea why your husband thinks he should have a say on this. His views are irrelevant.

My son is 11, 12 in April (ADHD/autistic) and the battle for hygiene is huge with this one. It's not a new thing for kids with ND (or adults either).
I choose not to fight with my kids over the things that make them feel bad whereas their dad likes to take on the role of, "you will do as I say and you will get in the bath even if I have to pick you up and put you in it". Cue meltdown, my son will shout at his dad and become emotional and it's a horrid environment for everyone.
Thing is, when he's in the bath..... We can't get him out of it!! Even though he'll lay in the bath saying how much he wants to get out 😳😤
My DD who is 7 doesn't like having her hair washed because of the water going in her eyes but it's less traumatic than my DS experience.

If my kids ever want help in their life, I will give it to them

SD needs to stf up

This is perfect! Trunks until his hair is done and he's on his own :). No worries then. And, of course, keep encouraging him to do parts of it himself, until hopefully he can manage. He will get there! Not everyone can do things at the same pace.

My daughter had similar issues, but she eventually grew out of it and I have not washed it for around 2 years now - she is 16.

I didn't make a big deal out of it and just did it for her.

I think if you are happy doing it and he is comfortable you doing it then it isn’t a problem. But you need to prepare he is no longer comfortable because I imagine it will happen suddenly and then he won’t have the skills to do it so maybe start building up to him doing it. Maybe start with him doing the shampoo, then wetting a facecloth and squeezing the water out as a pre rinse then maybe a small plastic cup.

Are there safeguarding issues with his mum washing his hair?

Don’t see anything wrong with it, you’re his mum. In the long run I think try and either transition to him doing it himself or he could (if he’s okay with it obviously) rock the bald look.

Parents care for adult children (with disabilities or need extra care) all the time

I'm the same. Hate water on my face, don't like the pressure of the shower on my nose, makes me splutter. My mum washed my hair until into my 30s when I left home. My own home gas a better set up and space for me to wash my hair over the bath, with an over the bath shower. Whatever works. Now I'm in a position where I'm washing my 9yo hair and will probably be doing so for years to come because he has, long, thick hair that goes beyond his shoulders.

I dont thinknits unreasonable at all. Whatever works for you all.