Washing 11 year old sons hair

[Iusedtobefun95]

My 11 almost 12 year old son has asd and a serious issue with water on his face, it’s been a thing for him for aslong as I remember so when he baths or showers il wash his hair then leave him to wash himself dry and dress himself. Iv tried a few times to get him todo it himself but he either won’t do it right or just doesn’t do it. My partner who’s his stepdad keeps on at me about it saying he’s old enough todo it himself. I am trying to teach him more independence and this is a thing I’m working on but it takes time. Aibu if I tell dp to shut up that him bringing it up every time my son gets bathed is not helping. Sons dad said it’s the same at his house hel wash sons hair so it’s actually done. We keep his hair short so when we try him alone it’s not as long of a process. Fully prepared to hear I am unreasonably and il take any criticism or tips

nope, still don’t understand what you are going on about.

you said ‘safe guarding concerns’ about her washing her own son’s hair and she could consider trunks? Why? Who is she safeguarding against, herself?

im shocked that you think that a 11 year old should need to wear trunks when having his hair washed by his mum, it’s sad actually.

my husband (dds dad) still washes her hair and gets her out of the bath -she is 10. Should she be wearing a swimsuit to safeguard her?

if the op had said that she or son was uncomfortable about it due to puberty onset, entirely different but that wasn’t mentioned at all.

you are totally misunderstanding what safeguarding is and why it is needed-and it’s certainly not needed in this context.

Hope you have a better day today. I have no experience of send, so can only imagine how tough your life must be at times xxxxx

Goggles or face mask are a great idea

You can get waterless towel-off shampoo that doesn't involve rinsing (Nilaqua is one brand).

How about washing his hair in the kitchen sink? With him bending over into it. That way he can hold a towel over his eyes and it can be easier to manage the flow of water.

It's also much quicker than a full shower, making it a 5 minute job, as opposed to a 20 minute one.

My kids have been showering completely independently since about 6 years old BUT they are neurotypical. I do other things for them that they can’t manage yet - son 2 cannot work out how to cut his own fingernails, he’s 12 and I do it still. If your son needs you to wash his hair, then what’s the problem? You won’t still be doing it when he’s 18 I expect - I’m a firm believer in supporting children until they are ready to do things by themselves. I encourage independence but I don’t force it.

If he's anything like my husband he will just need to dip his head in the bath and rub some shower gel in and dunk again and he will have beautiful hair, it enrages me 🤣 I use all the products and my hair isn't as soft and lovely....
On a serious note I think if he needs you to do it then you do it, but maybe try and get him to learn so when he's a teen and no longer wants you to help he will know how to do it properly.

My son is 12 with ASD and he has only recently washed his own hair in the shower and I still suspect he is not rinsing out the shampoo properly. He used loads of shower gel rather than small amounts.

I used to do the same as you and would wash his hair over the bath first and then let him shower. He needed a flannel to cover his eyes.

carry on with what you are doing for another 12 months and then he might want to try to do it alone. My child does not use conditioner, I just tell him to use a small amount of shampoo.

He has also not got to grips with tying shoe laces so he wears sketchers slip ins as much easier in the morning.

Loose the shampoo, my lad rarely has ever used it and he’s 17. That way if you have a bath he could every other day just wash it by lying down in the bath. No water getting in eyes that may build his confidence for the shower.’

Still washing my autistic 17 yo’s hair. Sensory nightmare for some and only way to keep it clean and tidy is for me to have set a hair washing schedule ahead so she can prepare for and then endure.

My son is 18 and he said to me the other day , wash us me hair mum and give it a good scratch🤣 he had been working all day so all sorts of muck in it, he leaned over the bath and i did it. And if his mates found out or said anything they'd be told to f-off. Youre his mum and always will be.

My nearly 14 year old son is autistic and has adhd. I had to wash his hair until 6 months ago. He just left his trousers on for privacy whilst he leaned over the bath and I washed it. I talked him through if everytime as I I am doing x, once your hair is rinsed properly it aqueaks a bit ans suddenly a few months ago he got it and started doing it himself. When your child is autistic they just are not always able to do things at the same time as other children so do what he needs.

In contrast my 6 year old nuerotypical child showers himself and washes his own hair because he doesn't have SEN.

@Iusedtobefun95 you can get shower hats to keep water off faces. Have you tried one of those?

Some really odd perceptions of inappropriateness here. If someone we love struggles to do something, we help them.

I wash my son's hair. He's 11. ASD ADHD.
I'll wash it as long as he needs me too. If I didn't, it would be neglect.

Would it be inappropriate to wash someone's hair if they had a physical disability? What about carers in old people's homes?

I hated water over my face as a child, and my children share that. Mine are younger but we've found that having a dry(ish) cloth to hand is all they need when they're washing their hair. They're getting better at putting their heads back but they're not there yet.

Ours are exciting crab scrubber things, so they get to shout I NEED A CRAB which takes the heat out of it 😂

My son is 12 and I wash his hair - but I do it in the sink - we have a blow-up ramp thing to keep the water going into the sink, he puts a towel and a hairdressing cloak thing round his shoulders, and I use a jug/bowl to wash it for him.

In this case it's because he has long hair and is very lazy about caring for it, but if he needs help, then it really won't be forever - there were plenty of things I was doing for my dyspraxic eldest at that age, and now he's 15 and things have tailed right off - I don't even tuck him in anymore (in fact he comes and says goodnight to me each night instead).

He's your child. He won't be a child for ever, he just need a bit more help with this right now. It won't be forever, and it's fine to do it while he needs it.

You can buy waterless shampoo caps from mobility/disabiluty shops. Like a shower cap but with foam shampoo inside. Try it.

Different country but very likely can still get this/something similar. We use a waterpik dog washing wand in the bath tub for my son who hates the water feeling. It has been a huge help. He can control the flow/speed of the water, it is a wand, so not a gush/very easily controllable, it really allows you to direct the water away from the face. Yes, I wash my kids with a dog washing device. Yes it is INCREDIBLE.

I washed my son's hair until he was 18.
It was done separately from him having his shower which he did himself.
I washed it on a Sunday over the bath and it took me 5 minutes. If your shower head comes off get him to hang his head over the bath whilst you wash his hair. He can cover his face with his hands or a separate towel that way he doesn't get water in his eyes.
My son who has asd loved me doing it but I said it was time for him to do it himself.
Ignore his dad's comments,if you want to do it and it makes him happy,do it and you can ensure that he is keeping his hair clean.

Ds1 has asd i did his hair all the way up to 15/16 he tried doing it himself a few times badly and improved slowly but he got there it took its time though and now he is doing it independently

My 12 yr old also has ASD but doesn't have sensory issues with water. He has been doing everything independently for about 2 years but recently I spoke to him about shampoo and he told me he has never used it. I presumed he meant he just used shower gel but no, apparently he never used anything in his hair. About two years unwashed and I never noticed! His hair is short. He does however let the hot water flow over his head, he actually gets great comfort from it so I appreciate it's not the same OP. But it does make us realise we don't have to be as rigid with our expectations. I told him to shampoo occasionally but I'm not going to fight him over it.

This.... it's a lovely bonding time... enjoy.

My ASD son was sensitive to water just like yours. Now he goes to swimming on a Sunday and that is considered as a wash day. I have to beg him to take a shower once a week when he starts to stink as he is almost 14. He doesn't like washing his face so has congested skin, but agrees to use micellar water for a quick swipe in the morning. Believe me that is a win .Keep doing what you are doing and tell your BF that its none of his business. Actually it should be his business to learn more about ASD if he is to be around for long.

Keep washing his hair! I have to tell my son every show each step one by one over and over and over again! It’s torture BUT it’s needed. I don’t physically wash him but I need to be there to even remind him to wet his hair.

also, I have a family member who says “vosene” shampoo makes them think of parental love. He says his mum didn’t show him much love in the 70’s but he does remember being about 10 and she would wash his hair at the pool. That to him was a sign she loved him and the smell reminds him of this time even 40 years later.

wash your boys hair! :)